Purchase Order Request

Pesanan kemanusiaan kepada kawan-kawan yang dicingtahi....

Eh...I takde lah nak tutup blog ke hapa sempena bulan puasa ni...mulut aje tutup sikit tak nak ngumpat banyak-banyak...

Kepada kawan-kawan (you know who you are...) since we are at some point going to be reunited either in KLCC or any other prominent landmark when I touch down in KL soon, I need to be doing some urgent shopping based on your imaginary shopping list (imaginary...you all ni,kata nak, tapi list nya tak sampai-sampai pun...hello akak, I ni bukannya pandai nak communicate secara telepathy occay?)

So kepada orang ini, ini, dan ini, sila dengan segera beritahu....

a) Adalah spentot anda masih bersize sama seperti dahulu?
b) Adakah size baju anda sama seperti dahulu?
c) Masih mahukah semburan perasa Vanilla ittew? (Ingat ye...dilarang keras mencopet kepada Laki mu)
d) Any flavour of cekelat?
e) Body Shop Spa Mineral? What is this? (Sila jawab via Facebook)

Of course, kalau tak malu, silalah membuat tempahan benda yang takde dalam list.

Kepada orang ittew....it is important for you to know this. Kalaulah aku tak mengenangkan kita ni dah berkawan dari form 4, there is no chance on earth I will be buying you that Chelsea FC baby kit. Please tell your husband, never ask a Gooner to buy anything of a Chelski.Ciss...cis...cis....

To Jen, if you are reading this....maybe this time, we should meet. Pasar malam TTDI can ah?

And if anyone need anything...of course within reason and within baggage weight limit...silalah membuat tempahan. Just so that you must know, I will not be carrying (will only consider DBO)

a) Anything from Ann Summers
b) Anything Porn
c) Anything Chelsea

Sekian, wassalam.

The Aftermath

Perlukah I cerita kat you all pasal my 'garden leave' itu hari? Sedeyyy tawww....pasal nya first time in my 35 years of age and first time in this kunun nya meaningful career, I was gravely depressed.

CPB called me last Friday at 4pm, after her meeting with the Safeguarding Adult Committee and deliver the verdict.And I am supposed to be happy and relieved...was I?

Yes, I was relieved, maybe because if I was found guilty, I could lose my job and possibly being subjected tah hapa-hapa lagi safety protocol.

But no, I was not happy. In fact, I cried half way in my conversation with CPB.This is such a big thing...pasalnya, I never cry.

On the 8th, CPB called me...I think it was 5pm and I am still at work.CPB dengan terketar-ketarnya, Makji Esah...please be calm.I want you to go home now...I have to suspend you from duty pending investigation.

I have a delayed reaction...after a while barulah I start terpinga-pinga.Because I was so busy, I did not take in all the info but CPB want me to leave my office immediately.After 2 hours I finally left the work premises.I texted CPB, apologised for taking such a long time to get out but I can't just leave work like that.

I was in the dark for almost a week of what I supposed to have done that is resulting in my suspension.I stayed at MB's for couple of days because I do not have the energy to travel up to North London with kepala ku yang bengong-bengong kedak ya.I was in bed most of the time, feeling very confused.

Confusion lead to something awful that I am now finding trouble to even admit it.I was suicidal.Not in a way nak terjun bangunan or anything yang menyakitkan nyawa.But dalam ting-tong ting-tong Tooting tu, inadvertantly I thought 'things will be a lot easier if I am dead'. Yep you all...that is also consider 'suicidal'. That obviously reduced me to another deep depression...I am a Muslim, however hard my life is, I should have never ever consider ending it.

I was called for a investigatory meeting...I was asked 88 questions by CPB, another Locality Manager and a HR person.The meeting lasted for 4 hours. MB waited for me and bawak I pergi makan Curry Laksa after that.***Note: Walaupun I selalu bergaduh dengan MB macam kucing rumah and kucing rumah sebelah, kalaulah tak ada MB yang memujuk and menyuruh I bersabar, mau rasanya I terpengsan di tengah-tengah jalan.I may not be so lucky in love and other things, but I must tell you, I have the bestest of friend***

The board meeting told me that they will contact me in a week.The 2nd week of agony really takes it toll of my health.My heart felt so weak.I was with F who tirelessly tried to cheer me up. I went out for a walk to get a fresh air but I was so glued in my bed (and self pity). One day that week, I went out to get my father a birthday card.F said, mata I nampak macam basah-basah and said, I should cry if feel like to.But I just didn't.

Sending father the birthday card, make me wonder the pain I put him through. He is worried about me, being alone here. Mother said that we should never make him worry because he can't cope with worry.For the last 10 years that is what I did. I made him worry.I imagine what I am feeling at that time, with my gradually weakened heart to the pain I caused my father. I am still young (maybe healthier) but my father? Why did I do this to him?

Today is my first day back at work.Everything stays the same. I was in the meeting earlier with CPB and she dropped me off to work.I locked myself in the office all the time and asked my colleague to take messages.I need to get re acquianted with my work and most of all, my confidence.

For sure, this work is not everything anymore.It is just the money.And I can't wait to see my family.

Update

Sebona eh....I nak update you all pasal apa yang dah terjadi kat I 2 weeks ago...yang menjadikan diriku ini sungguhlah trauma nya...but tiba-tiba, I received one incoming call from.....JT you all!!! (Sure Kiah melompat gila...I tell you, Kiah memang suka kalau ada cerita-cerita berunsur PG18 with sexual nature.The more graphic, the better kan, Kiah?...astaghfirullahalazimmmmmmm)

Today is a bank holiday (public holiday) in the UK. I'm sure this is the last one before Xmas & Boxing Day. I will return to work officially tomorrow after 2 weeks suspension period and have to attend sessi return to work with Cik Puan Besar Yangkucingtahi (CPB) at the HQ at 4pm tomorrow.

I was so surprised, jantan itu masih lagi nak ber calling-calling setelah kujatuhkan air muka dia berkali-kali tanpa malu-malu.But bak kata Convent Seremban, Aspire Never Tire kan? (Eh...lupalah, Aspire Never Tire ke, or Fide Et Labore? ) Nevertheless, men is a creature woman may never understand...while the majority that I work with naik gila akibat dikecewakan pompuan, 1/2 percentage lagi, gigih sungguh nak memikat hati pompuan (eh..ye ke nak memikat I..or aku yang perasan?)

A wannabe macho JT as always, at the beginning selalu memulakan perbualan (especially after long hiatus) dengan ala-ala sembang tak nak kalah like 'Ohh..I have been busy and did not even contact anybody' (as if aku ni ambik peduli lah konon nya) I don't know if he buat-buat lupa bila aku telah menyumpah seranahnya in our last phone conversation. JT was talking about his PHD works (yang aku tak paham satu apa pun...ye lah....kita ni manalah belajar sampai MA, PHD kan? And like always...without any other choice, terpaksalah I activate my active listening mode.

(Tapi..dia tak de pun nak tanya I apa khabar...lahabau tu)

JT nak ajak I pergi Merdeka Carnival this Saturday. Well, you may think it is nice of him to do that...ye lah, I ni kan ketandusan invitation-invitation yang happening (being the anto social that I am) and his effort to ask me out, walaupun ke public gathering cam tu, sungguhlah thoughtful nya...or so I thought.

To begin with, me and MB's dua tiga jugak nak pergi...sebab macam dah tak syok.Ada orang tu bergalok sakan kat Spain (or is it Portugal, Lee?) so obviously, we are short of familar faces. Puan Zaiton...isteri Mithali tu pulak tak leh keluar rumah...nak bermesra dengan laki kata nya...(walaupun hati cam nak melompat datang London kan?) So, MB2 macam tak syok nak pergi sebab takut I dengan MB1 akan jumpa kawan-kawan lain and cakap melayu tak hengat dan membiarkan dirinya terkonteng-konteng sorang diri.Because I am going home soon...I would rather wait to eat proper nasik lemak and karipap made fresh by Makcik Bawah Pokok kat Jalan Burhanuddin Helmi.

Honestly, it is nice of JT to ask me along.But what put me off completely is the way he word it.I am not at all being fussy here...not as if I have a better offer but he really is not doing himself any favour by acting like I was one of many women he is taking pride doing a favour for.

'You know that there is a Merdeka Carnival this Saturday'

'Oh yeah...I knew about it from the Malaysian Fest'

'Ramai orang ajak I pergi...ajak I teman kan diorang' (believe me, he is referring to some imaginary girls) Tapi macam tak syok lah pulak pergi dengan they all tu.

Why not?

Alah..you know lah...student-student ni kan,kalau tak set-set Makcik, mesti set-set psycho' (amboiiiiiii....mulut dia)

'Jahatlah you...you pun student tau...so, what type are you then? Pakcik ke or Mat Psycho?'

'Eh...kita kan Em Ar Es Em B**e*i, we are the cool bunch'

'Oh ye ke? Bukan batch kita batch boring ke? (mak datukkk....I dah betul rasa nak ludah dia)

I can't remember what he said and what I asnwered but for sure, I cakap kat dia I may and may not go, depending on my flat mates, but I told him that I might not go anyway sebab I nak buat shopping kasut my sisters.I can sense that he is dissapointed, dah lah trick tak menjadi githooo...what seem to annoy the hell out of me is that, I'm not sure whether he is over confident with himself or just using this stupid method to conceal his deep insecurity...

Awak tu dah lah debab and tak attractive langsung, lagi boleh nak kata orang lain Makcik laa..psycho la...

I wonder whatever happened to the 'old' him...the attractive pandang tak jemu guy? Totesterone kurang ke as you get older (and fatter)?

Bibik Ku Lari Gagah Berani.....

I got a text yesterday with news from Dentist Bini Orang that her orang gaji has done an Usain Bolt.And now,sebagai ibu mithali, she got to kemas rumah, masak, bagi mandi anak...bagi mandi bapak pun.Kesian.I yang takde anak, takde laki and takde orang gaji ni pun boleh naik sasau kalau have to do everything by myself...(the point I'm making????)

Couple of months ago, my younger sister's orang gaji also done her a Paula Radcliffe....(well, tak lah sama macam Usain Bolt, pasalnya, the orang gaji went away on holiday..paid for by my sister and my brother in law and lopeh tu, tak ghoti lak deh nak balik...cilako!!!)

My sister is extremely nice to her maid.I think that is how we were brought up because when my mother have a servant, my mother never once bossing her about and we were disallowed completey from asking 'kakak' to buat itu ini.In fact, we were so scared of the 'kakak' as her other responsibilities includes mereport siapa cubit siapa, siapa sakat siapa, siapa tak nak mandi and siapa main basikal tak hingat nak balik.

My sister is very unlucky with her domestic arrangement.She thought this Bibik was the right one but apparently (according to my mother) the Bibik is quite clever playing up my sister against her husband.My brother in law is a very soft spoken man and after he come back from work he will always asked 'Bibik okay ke...stuff like that. But Bibik then ambik kesempatan to mengadu to him of what my sister supposed to have 'said' and 'done' to her and offended her. So, si hubby pun tanya lah kat the wife..kenapa you buat Bibik macam tu..dia kan dah tua...bla..bla..bla...

Suffice to say that because of Bibik, my sister and her husband have a regular run in, as my brother in law thought that my sister is not 'thoughtful' enough.

I asked my sister...apa yang kau cakap kat Bibik tu sampai dia kecik ati?

It turn out to be something trivial and as little as bijik kuaci pun Bibik Sensitip tu boleh berchuchuran air mata. Like...Bibik bought my nieces and nephew gula-gula, and sister nasihat lah...Bibik, lainkali jangan bagi adik makan gula-gula banyak sangat.And Bibik interpret to my brother in law...'Mama bencikkk saya...dia nggak beri ijin saya beri adik makan'. Whoahhh!!! Drama kan?

So now, all my nieces and nephew are in the nursery. Although being in the nursery will potentially mengopakkan handbag and wallet mak bapak they all, maybe this is for the best for them.

Remember, good thing will come to those who wait. (This does not apply to me though...aku punyalah tunggu Raja Nazrin..tapi..apa aku dapat?)

Updates

I'm still off work. But I will tell you soon why. Since the 9th, I have been idle. I watched Olympic, I facebooked and I read the TV mag from back to back.

Facebook Muse
I keep getting this friend request from an unfamilar guy.I ignored him once and twice...tup!!! datang balik. So today, I decided to view his friends.Still not familiar.So I messaged him. I asked if I might remember him from somewhere and if maybe, he can help to remind me of where.

So, he is very,very young to know me from anywhere.

Unusual Craving
The good thing about having your own blog (well, depending on who's reading it and your status, by status I mean, if I am writing this blog using my real name...ehem...ehem...Zara Salim Davidson..I may not be as gobby as I am now) is that you can write whatever it is in your mind of from other people's (kes-kes plagiat tak hengat ni) Couple of weeks ago, I've written something about Dentist...and by doing so, I managed make one Dentist bini orang's feeling very apprehensive and extra conscious.I was just being naughty...plus, lying await on that Dentist chair can make you feel that you need to take everything lying down.

Well anyway, that got nothing to do with my craving...biasalah aku, selalu sidetrack.I ni teringin nak makan nasi minyak.(Ohh..adakah itu tanda-tanda aku akan dipinang?) I keep missing on my relatives wedding. My last trip home, my two cousins decided to kahwin a week after I balik.That is so frustrating.Frustrating in a sense that, kalau rumah sedara mara, not only that you can makan bertambah macam lembu, you can ordered some nasi minyak and other lauk to be tapaued home as well.Balik rumah makan lagi...

So, I know this is cheesy (and undeniably stupid) but dengan muka tak malunya, I nak tanya kat sapa-sapa yang baca this blog, kalau you nak kahwin or ada adik,abang kakak or sepupu sparepart yang nak kahwin within the first 2 weeks of raya, silalah ajak I ye.I nak sangat makan nasik minyak.

Just When I Thought I Was Over You....
Laa..macam lagu Air Supply kan? Apa lagi ni Makji oiii? Well, I received email from one of my ex's friend.Katanya...Pakcik tu have written me a letter. The email was lengthy and maybe, intentionally meant to make me berderai ayaq mata.Nope.My ayaq mata takde pun berderai.This letter apparently was written when my ex was hospitalised, in between his treatment.I know that he has written me an email but I just never realised that there was another spare time for him to write me a letter.

I was angry.I know this sound bad, but blessed him wherever he is, masih lagi ke nak mencarik-barik kan hati ku yang rapuh ini from his grave? It's nearly 8 months and surely if people have sense, apasal tak cakap siang-siang kan?

I was in love with this man for so many years...siap boleh main tarik-tarik tali gak lagi...metaphorically and I am now trying to come to terms with him not being there anymore for me to puja-puja (and tergolek-golek) and now, when I am at my most vulnerable...dia boleh datang balik????????

Bersambung.

Pilah & Co. Part 2

Dalam pado eden tak goma puak-puak Pilah & Co. tu, eden sompeklah jugak berkona-konalan dengan 2,3 oghang puak-puak Pilah tu.Takdo lah sampai bertopuk betampar...bebughak lah sesikit, tanyo namo..kojo kek no, things like that....

The Pilah & Co., are blessed with their ability to scratch and mixing the records, hence proudly called themselves an aspiring DJ's.

The 'matured' ones are businessman/women by day. The younger one are studying locally but regularly shuttle themselves LHR-KUL-LHR-KUL...but all of them are a 'professional' DJs by night, surely playing gig at any royal parties.

How my Social Worker friend and this guy Yamtuan's grandson got acquainted, pun I tak tahu but can't wait to find out when I return to work soon.

Some of my relatives are millionaires and goodness gracious, their children a.k.a. my cousins are just some lucky ass who never need to work 8 hours a day in Seremban's KFC while waiting for SPM result so that she could afford kasut Reebok hitam Pesta Kingsway Peziah Latip tu.

My millionaire relatives offsprings, are all promised with brand new cars straight after they passed their driving test.I failed my first driving test...well, who can blame me that time where all student are forced to drive that old Datsun that can't even naik bukit properly.I failed.My father was furios...sehari suntuk I kena lecture, how money was wasted disebabkan ketidak focus' an.God knows in my first year of driving, how I avoid queuing in the Jalan Barat traffic light, fear that the car I was driving might gelongsor and hit the car behind, due to my failure to balance the accelerator and gear pedal.

The only thing is that my richer cousins are not at liberty to spend all their parents fortune in all ridiculously themed party.Well, my relatives are into big cars anyway, senang nak tunjuk kat orang kampung.

During the Holland Park party, I spent majority of my time there pretending to be amazed by their CD's collections, but honestly, their CDs did so little to impress compare to their lifestyles.

Adakah I jealous? Entahlah...these lot are proverbial silver spooners. I doubt they ever kena naik trak askar pergi sekolah.I doubt they have to walk miles anywhere...I doubt they have to share bed and room with their brother and sister and I doubt their parents will not say 'tunggu Mak dapat gaji dulu ye?' when they asked for a new pair of shoes.

These people jetsetting and party all over the world (judging from the various photos on their wall) like money is no object.I'm sure their mothers, the peroxide blond mutton-Mak Datin lookalike regularised Cosmetics centre, having some animal fats top ups.

While many Malaysians (or is it just me?) worry that Anwar might shoot up and become the next PM, the Pilah & Co, happy singing and drinking away their worries.Might it be, not in their mind that one day their lavish well will dry up?

Can they cope?

(Maybe I am jealous...cisss)

Pilah & Co.

I was invited to a party. Yang tukang invite nya is this new Social Worker in my Dept. Motif tetiba ajak I pergi party?

Mula-mula, hatiku yang cepat perasan ni, rasa bangga lah ada jantan hensem nak ajak I gi party. He is a good looking man, 5 years younger than I am and has been shadowing me for the last one month.So today, he texted my mobile with kunun nya an idea to cheer me up (pasai apa nak cheer me up pulak? Nanti I bagitau apasal ye)

***I got this invite to a party.I think you should come with me...it will do you hell lotta good.Text back.***

See Kiah, although you might think that I am no longer wanita melayu terakhir, unlike many ehem..single people out there, I ni tak rajin keluar malam.Jangan kata keluar malam,keluar siang, keluar tengahari and keluar petang pun jarang you.Pergi party apatah lagi...selagi tak kena ugut dengan Memo bagai..jangan haraplah I akan pergi...(tapi birthday kawan-kawan or party pindah rumah baru Org Cambridge tu mesti akan pergi..hint,hint)

I cakap dengan this colleague of mine...tak nak pergi lah.Lagipun situkang buat party tu bukan nya ajak I pun.Pakcik ni memujuk rayu..meh la ikut.This friend of mine is from Malaysia.I'm sure it will be fun. Fun? FUN??? Fun palahotak dia lah. Since bilalah pulak ber party dengan orang Malaysia ni FUN? (Wuihh..statement bongkak you)

Bila dengar si empunya party ni orang Malaysia and according tu my colleague ni, orang Melayu jugak...lagilah I malas nak pergi.I can see myself being a sore thumb kat situ. I cakap lah kat omputih ni, don't think it is a good idea.I wasn't invited and I'm sure your mate will not be impressed another Malay tagging along...spoiled the party.

What is the party for anyway? (Aiseh...tammo pergi, tapi masih mau tanya)

Ohh...my friend just got married, just a small party with friends. Come on lah Makji..I told them I'll be bringing you.

Last-last I pun pergi. Dalam kepala..okaylah..party orang melayu..misti ada meehon and mintak-mintak the organiser have some sense to jamu kuih karipap. I takut betul kalau si empunya party ni Kak Katak ke or any Malay yang I kenal tapi tak nak geng githoo...but setelah ku selidik, there is no bad connection whatsoever....

So..off we go.Rumah this Malaysian guy is somewhere in Holland Park..wuiyooo...rumah besar lah tu.

One malay-looking young lady opened the door for us. I have never seen her in my life.Maybe this is a good sign.She got really posh accent...as in Melayu posh, ala-ala anak Datuk2 sekolah oversea githoo.She happily took away the wine we bought them (macam celaka kan? Pergi party rumah org Melayu pahtu bawak wine..nak wat camne dah gitu amalan org sini pergi party)

The moment I entered the house, sungguhlah terperanjat nya when I saw gambar Yamtuan & Tengku Ampuan kat dinding rumah tu (psstt..OOD, bukan laki kau yo?)

Well....I better stop the story now. I will ended up giving away names and more names. Suffice to say that

1) Meehon, takdak
2) Karipap..jauh sekali
3) Yes, I was the sore thumb. While everyone including the large capacity of Antahs Household is bubbling away...bottle after bottle, I was the only one (maybe 2 others) is sticking with Diet Coke.

What shocked me the most is that...I have never seen a group of Malay so westernised something rotten. Buek malu orang Pilah yo.

Saturday Night Ramblings

Chewahhhh......bulan puasa akan menjelma not far from today.Semoga penuhlah puasa I tahun ni...penuh as in tidak adalah hari puasa yang akan terkorban atas sebab-sebab yang boleh di elak kan eg. Boss ajak makan etc.

See...I ni malas nak sembahyang.Ni sungguhlah kisah benar.I'm not sure if my excuse is valid, but the substantial reason that contributed largely to my being irreligious is because tidak adanya kemudahan asas untuk sembahyang (boleh ke bagi alasan camni?)

I know...I know....ni semuanya alasan....kalau nak sembahyang, mana-mana pun boleh sembahyang...tak cukup tutup pun tak apa janji hati ikhlas...Allah akan terima.I could if I would, but..the last time I pray was when I am at my parents, last year.

My opis, unlike your opis...tak adanya bilik nak sembahyang.Apart from me, there's one Pakistani girl and Somalian guy who are Muslims...but, bukan nak cakap besar lah you all...I ni lagi alim dari si dua orang tu.

Balik rumah...lagi lah tak ada tempat nak sembahyang.I'm sure si Tua would not mind or terkezut badak tetiba aje nampak I bertelekung dalam rumah dia, but how can you have a clear conscience beribadat kat tempat you buat maksiat? Ni tak termasuk lah si Tua and kengkawan nya (termasuk aku sekali) yang berlalu lalang dalam rumah pakai kasut yang entah-entah ada trace taik anjing tu...cehhh)

And that's why, I tak pernah sembahyang.Kadang-kadang I malu jugak...bila bersembang dalam Facebook dgn kawan-kawan, tetiba they all have to excuse themselves for solat.Haiyoh!!!! Isn't that enough tanda-tanda for me to start doing the same?

So, syabas kepada Queen eLEEzabeth of West Midland ittew yang demi menghormati bulan puasa Al-Mubarak ini, akan berehat dari menulis blog...walaupun I tak setuju dengan keputusang mu ittew, tapi apakan daya, itu kang blog mung...bukang blog kawe.

If we share the same rationale, macam I ni, kalau tak daya nak beribadat macam Kiah...pergi Usrah, sedekah pisang bagai...I will buat mana yang terdaya aje...macam berpuasa dibulan Remdan.What I also tend to do is to read the translation of Quran, chapter by chapter, one hour daily.I so wish I can do more but with my local mosque populated by terrorist (in side and outside) maka, bertarawikh lah aku didalam hati.Isskkkk....sedeykan? If only Finsbury Park is like Mesjid or Surau kat Paroi Jaya, where I can walk with my telekung freely without the local thinking that they just saw a Poltergeist passing by or worst, kena kejar dengan budak-budak hoodies.

Still, fasting in London is not easy.Lainlah kalau I duduk kat Bayswater/Paddington tu...

Berikut adalah contoh-contoh obstacles-obstacles kat opis di bulan Puasa.

9am....segala umat dalam Opis tu nak buatkan you coffee...tea...bila kita refuse, ditanya apasal pulak? Kenalah cakap...sebab I puasa. Mana yang tak tahu apa benda tu, mulalah tanya...apa benda nya 'Puasa' tu Makji? Dah...satu kerjalah pulak kau kena bagi bimbingan agama kan?

Mind you...orang putih ni, every 2 hours minum tea, coffee and isap rokok.Every 2 hours tu jugaklah mana unsuspecting colleague ni will ask you the same question...I'm making myself a cup of tea, would you like one, Makji? No thanks..I posa you...ohhh really? Nah kau...kena lagi bagi bimbingan agama.

***Expect the above routine to last at least for a week, until semua orang tahu and remember the reason why you can't be offered a cup of tea/coffee whenever they're making themselves one***

Lunch time ialah time yang paling seksa sekali.Bukan seksa nak menahan lapar...but seksa nak explain kat segala macam manusia kenapa you takleh makan.Bimbingan agama lagi.To convince the overall health-conscious people that you're going to be fine despite tak minum kopi/teh or lunch is hard work. Ehh...are you sure you are going to be okay Makji? Tu belum lagi puak-puak yang akan membentangkan implikasi-implikasi mental and fizikal dek tak makan.Expect plenty of this when you're working in National Health Service.This over curious people will not just go away with 'can't eat, I'm fasting today' reasoning.

They say that the Setans is chainlocked and unable to reach out.True.However, they transformed themselves into office party organiser or even your own Boss, make a booking at the expensive hotel for a department meeting.Ni lah antara sebab-sebab puasa I selalunya akan terburai.Masa ni lah buat surprise birthday party dalam opis and order cake and pizza and if you don't join in si birthday boy/girl will happily take you down to the guilt lane...Ohhh...its my birthday...I really, really want you to join in'. Hati berbelah bagi...posa boleh diganti (although tak sama dibulan Remdan) tapi hati kawan yang tak paham kepentingan berpuasa and menghayati bulan Puasa? See....you really can't afford to be a notorious Muslim.

Another obstacle....is the partner.My partner made it very obvious yang dia tak berkenan langsung I berpuasa ni.Is nothing to do with religion...but takut I sakit, diet tak betul katanya.But lama-lama dia dah tak boleh nak kata apa dah.I think the partner is just annoyed that I berpuasa 'segalanya' di bulan Puasa.Against Human Right katanya...hamboiii...tang-tang tu, pandailah nak ber Human Right bagai kan? Yang dia tu tak kasi I pergi party? Tak kasi I jawab telepon kalau I kat rumah dia? Tak kasi I makan ayam kat dalam rumah dia? Eh..ni kes masalah rumahtangga lain pulak ni.

Susah betul nak menjadi kambing di kandang lembu ni.Kena ikut style lembu.

But word can't descibe an accomplished Puasa Day.Sahur minum coke and makan biskut...buka..tak tau makan apa but a completed day is all worth it.There is no bazaar selling hundreds type of kuih or lauk pauk and there is no azan or that creepy Garrison Camp siren to indicate waktu berbuka puasa, but kejayaan berpuasa dan merentasi halangan-halangan diatas, adalah kejayaan yang sungguh mutlak!!!

So, Cikgu Azrin Yang Garang....nak ke berbuka puasa dengan saya kat Cafe Nero?

Memorable Revenge

After they closed down Oriental City, we (as in me an the MB's) ran out of place to eat nasik lemak and the lot.The last time I ate karipap was during the Malaysia Fest and that is so karipap perasa jahanam.Tak sedap..cis...is cost 50pence satu and it taste like feet.Cis..cis...cissss!!!!

One of my client told me about a place called 'Makan-Makan' in Twickenham...by the Richmond Road border.I went passed and what I saw is a small takeaway like cafe with a mixture of Chinese-Malaysian food served.Hmmm,to tell you the truth...I tak rajin sangat dengan mixture Chinese and Malay ni, because it is more likely to taste Chinese rather than Malay...ohh, you know what I mean. Ni takde sentimen tak boleh makan apa orang cina masak or what orang Melayu masak...I boleh makan sapa-sapa aje yang masak.

I stayed at MB's last Friday and both of us decided to eat out as MB takde mood nak masak (ni kes orang putih tu tinggal periuk mangkuk tak basuh kat dapur la ni) and I dah mega kelaparan dihari-hari hujan tu.

So, off we went and we ordered Curry Laksa & Mee Hon Goreng to eat it. MB being the peramah one, mulalah start berborak dengan amoi tu that she forgot the most important thing to tell the waitress (we only do this when we are ordering the Chinese). They served the food yang sungguh lah menggiurkan and seperti biasa, MB will kacau my Curry Laksa and habiskan dekat separuh King Prawn I.Cisss...lagi!!!

When MB was tweaking her vermicelli, she thought she saw some weird kind of diced meat and dengan serta mertanya we both know that it is babi. I cakap dengan MB, kenapa pulak you boleh lupa nak pesan kat amoi tu jangan taruk babi? Because it was clearly our mistake, I cakap dengan MB, asingkan ajelah benda tu...just eat the chicken.See, I know it sound gross, but the reality is, yes..it is pig.it was a mistake and what can you do about it?

But the amoi was very thoughtful.She assumed that MB is not muslim (dah dia pi kompang kat orang tu dia from East Malaysia) and cepat-cepat offer to cook her another one without the babi.

I can imagine a lot of thought provoking remark if we are in any Melayu populated area who will not dare to be even an inch close to daging babi.The fact is that, we thought, if we were to refused it, then it will be offensive.The last thing you want to be is offensive and offending people.

I worked in a hotel long enough to know that the offender will be serve with revenge.In any other customer oriented industries too. Cold-heartedly.I'm the type who will simpan dalam hati and bye-bye baby.It is an unfortunate fact of life but customer can really get under our kin.During my waitressing days, the complaint about service and food I can deal with but when they cross the line, like when their dissatisfaction evolves into personal attacks, one can be sorely tempted by thoughts of revenge.

I got a big dirty confession to make.Long time ago, the management team at this hotel I was working, had to take turn being on Duty.I was on Duty that night.On my usual day, I was overseeing the daily sales and operation and I often come across this not so young looking man(but he is 5 years younger than me) always checking in with his companion (I doubt she is the wife) He is so berlagak...always ask for P&C, do not disturb and all that pretentious demand as if he is paying for the Presidential Suite. With all his demand, he never once tipped the checking in staff.One day I was checking him in, I asked for ID and politely asked him to fill in the registration card. Nak tau apa katanya? Do I have to? I will settle my bill when I check out...look at the address in my IC, I live in a prestigious area (see...he has Bukit Tunku as his address) and gave me all this big fuss. I was made to feel I was very little but hey, he is a paying customer.I was offended but that time, my pride was swallowable.

On the night that I was on Duty, I ran through the guest list. I saw his name and his cheeky little message 'Private & Confidential'. I called the concierge boy..'Eh Dik...nak duit pocket tak?' I was on my mission to serve him my revenge.

I asked this concierge boy to call his room (we actually gave him abour an hour or so..kasilah can abang mengongket dulu) and pretend that the JAIS is doing their random check. We told him that JAIS want to do their round and we had to assit them.We also cakaplah...tapikan Bang, kalau abang tak nak kena kacau, bagilah the officer minum kopi. Suffice to say, the concierge boy and me got $100 each. Kitoranglah yang menjadik JAIS pemakan rasuahnya....

Wah....abang punyalah gabrah...he escaped through fire escape stairs and meninggal kan his companion terkontang kanting githooo...I offered him our back door escape route.His companion paid the 'duit kopi' and checked out with dignity, as if nothing happened.

Nowadays, I have to be careful. Most people have grow up and don't do spiteful things anymore but they maybe thinking of other type of sadistic revenge.

I sure know a few tips. Hehheee.....(gelak jahat)

Monday Thoughts

I keep 'bumping'...metaphorically speaking...into many of my childhood friends all over Malaysia recently...hence, bertambah lah kawan kat Facebook kan?

See...I quite like it bila I ramai kawan walaupun yang nyatanya, there is no guarantee that I'll be speaking to any of them pun.But it is just nice to see how people grow and changed. I was suggested to go into special group like Ansara what not to find more 'specific' mates...but this friend of mine tak tau yang budak MRSM lah yang I paling tak nak kawan sekali. 2 years in school enough lah hey...I only keep in touch with 3 to 4..more than that, is like a crowd...considering depa-depa tu takdelah baik sangat dengan I pun.

My only childhood friend yang kira kawan sampai mati pun...semanjak dah berlaki and beranak ni, pun dah lain.Lain in the sense, anak and laki will always come first and will rather miss out on hottest night out. Yepp...I respect her privacy. She married a religious Ustaz and there goes our Tea-Dance days. But she still is a good friend yang bakal ku serang rumahnya di Hari Raya nanti...

I do envy those yang berkawan dari kecik dan dah besar gajah pun masih kawan lagi...macam budak TKC yang I kenal tu...mind you, kawan dari sekolah rendah..masuk sekolah asrama penuh pun sekali. Although I do feel bad men terkantoi kan dia kat best friend dia dengan segala macam 'glorious food for thoughts', hati ku tersentuh jugak bila her best friend, dengan tidak judgemental nya terus buat muka risau...'eh..stress benar ke kawan aku ni kat tempat kerja sampai dia jadi macam ni?'. This TKC girl is just lucky bukan aku ni best friend dia yang at the receiving end tu...with my mulut tempayan and evil thoughts...sahih-sahih the next day she will be labelled as nympho kat tempat kerja dia.

See...while some of us really want be owned by their kunun nya prestigious school and society, we sometimes forget who are our real friends.Or do we really have any?

Again...I don't have many.I sure do accumulating the numbers, thanks to this blog. However, that doesn't stop me from being the typical one, the one that talk about you behind your back. See, you bound to get uncomfortable about things. This thing can be something that is not that important, that you can live without ever mentioning it to that person in question but, you still need to answer your own curiosity...and to be able to say this without hurting people's feeling is to confide your thoughts with others. Literally, this is talking behind people's back but it is the healthy one.

I do feel bad that I sometime talk about my friend behind their back...but to be honest, some thing are better said not in the their present and believe it or not, you'll find way to deal with your discomfort better.

However, if you have a friend yang tak habis-habis menyakitkan hati...maka, marilah kita ber YM tengah malam and bergossip.

Macam-macam ada...

The summer in England this year is so unwelcoming...with hujan and panas taking turns. This is already August and is already feeling so autumn. Unlike the orang putih, the weather doesn't really bother me...apart from pengguna public transport macam I ni, and sipemalas bawak payung...travel time takes longer.

I'm having a difficult time at work (ohh..apakah cerita baru) and was asked to lie low for a bit by Boss.Not good, but necessary.

I was on Picadilly Line travelling towards Central London when I bumped into bunch of Malaysian businessman.I think they must have assumed that I am a Malay, that prompted them to suddenly talk about 'deliberately' opted for tube rather than limo to their bespoke hotel in London nun.For whatever reason they think I need to know about their choice of transportation pun tak tau la....

One man boast about doing deal with TPM that he refers as 'Najib' rather than Datuk Seri. Obviously, he described 'Najib' with full familiarity that even the dullest person like moir will think that they both geng-geng ketat githoo. One of them time-time tu lah (dalam tube yang bergegar-gegar tu) nak baca file-file business as if he is rushing to one big million pound meeting.

I must say that, because I am working in West London and depend heavily on Picadilly Line to travel back and to work, the sight of Malaysian coming and returning is regular.You can always tell by accent and by the mixed and match of English and Bahasa.I am quite choosy with who I want to be friendly with and they are usually the one that look very,very lost.Jahat kan I?

Couple of weeks ago, there's this laki bini with 2 anak. Maybe datang cuti-cuti London and the bapak was intensely studying the Underground Map on the tube wall (alaa...next to the tingkap tu) With father looking at the wall map and mother looking at the paper map, their children ended up looking at me. I look at their luggage with KUL/LHR and nampak lah Malaysian Airlines tag.I pikir 2,3 kali jugak nak tegur the hubby (as he was the closest one to me) takut the bini will hempuk I dengan handbag dia...but they were both clearly struggling and I overheard the hubby telling the wifey 'kita kena pergi South London'. I nak aje sampuk..there is no such thing as 'South London' on the tube map. The laki asked the wife to read the address of their presumed destination and wife terus cakap...nanananna...Essex. Of course, Essex is not is South London kan?

With the 2 children looking so penat and mengenangkan betapa kesian nya nanti kalau budak-budak tu akan dihangkut ke Essex,South London, I risk my life (nak kena hempuk dengan handbag, hempuk lah) and tegur the hubby 'Abang nak pergi mana?'. Abang face berbunga-bunga ceria githoo...'Eh, orang melayu ke?'

To cut the story short, I instructed the family to stop at Holborn and naik Central Line toward Essex. I also gave them a tip on how to travel cheap around London. Yang penting sekali...I tak lah kena hempuk dengan handbag bini dia, although the wife masa mula-mula gave me the look macam lah I nak pi kacau laki dia.

So, the 4 wannabe Posh but no so Posh businessman ni, gave out the impression that they are all well travelled and tak memerlukan pertolongan.One of them even said to the other who kununnya the navigator 'Ohh..I kalau USA tau lah..London ni kurang sikit'.

From what I see and hear, all of them is trying to outwit each other individually and for someone who kununnya travel for business macam travel balik kampung...I find it funny when

Businessman A 'Kalau nak pergi Harrods, berhenti kat mana ye?'
Businessman C 'Ohh..kau kena pergi King Cross Station, and jalan kaki 10 minit sampai'

Businessman B on Arsenal Station Picadilly Line 'Kat sinilah Stadium Arsenal tu. I ada kawan tinggal kat area Arsenal ni'.

(pssttt...mana ada area nama Arsenal?)

Businessman D 'My brother dulu belajar kat London'.
Businessman A 'London kat mana?'
Businessman D 'Oxford Uni'.


Well travelled Businessman aye?

Manu Nanu

When I was in Zurich recently, MB dengan jahatnya sent me a text telling me that 'oi..kat London now ni ada Malaysia fest, rugilah you tak dapat join'. I was actually due back to London yesterday tapi dengan semangat berkobarnya (plus sakit hati) I told Boss (whom I was having a meeting with in Zurich) yang I kena gak balik London on Sunday pasal I ada urgent presentation on Monday.

Bak kata Capt Lukmang....awat Makji meeting jauh sangat sampai kat Zurich nun? Nak kata kerja dengan company multi-national takde pung. Weh..Boss ada manager's conference (puaka nya, Boss besar-besar conference kat luar UK) and tetiba pulak before she left on Thursday last week, dia suruh secretary dia book flight for me as well for Friday.I cakap kat Boss, kita tunggu you balik London lah baru cerita...takkk...nak jugak I pergi Zurich to join that meeting. (Ada result nya you all...tapi tak leh cerita sekarang...Boss tengah negotiate ni)

Boss boss besar ni, meeting nya sehari aje..pahtu 2,3 hari lain pergi berbonding session pulak main ski.Makji ni you all..orang kampung.Manalah nak retinya main ski ni.Main roller blade lepas la..tu pun 10 tahun dulu masa badan masih 58-59 kg.Sekarang ni agaknya, mau jatuh tulang terpulas kebelakang kot. So last Sunday, subuh-subuh tak berapa gelap I dah naik kapalterbang sampai City Airport tu (lagi satu celaka kan..my flight ticket ala-ala murs murs githoo..tu yang travel subuh-subuh gelap)

Sometime 10.30 am, I ended up in Waterloo Station and I thought I nampak muka this woman yang sungguh familar githooo.It's only after an hour I realised that was Maya Karin, that pontianak woman.Hapa dia buat kat Waterloo Station tu? Nasib baik nya sik main lompat-lompat atas padung kan, Lisz? She was without that scarry make up and in fact, she wore too many make up that made her foundation so, so obvious.But still, I'm able to recognised her (after an hour..ye lah tu)

So off we went to Pottersfield Garden kat Tower Bridge sinun. Malaysian Government (again???) organising a Malaysian Fest for 4 days, ending on 1st of June. Masa ni lah kalau sesapa yang berpartnerkan Mat/Minah Salleh akan buat lawatan sambil belajar, mengajar pakwe/makwe memasing tentang keindahan budaya Malaysia tu.

My main intention is to meet up with our close freind of ours yang menjadik emcee Malaysia Fest tu, disamping nak makan karipap.Ye lah, semenjak Puan Zaiton balik Malaysia and Oriental City pun dah bungkus ni, deprived sungguh taww.

Was I happy with the food? Dah le yang tukang jual nya orang-orang yang sama aje everytime ada government function cam ni, quality of the food like lap kaki, mahal nak mampos pulak tu. Adalah I nampak this stall jual karipap...so I macam pelahapnya gi lah suruh MB pergi beli karipap sampai 5...you see, I ni kalau nak makan karipap tak cukup satu. MB had to beratur, okaylah..tak kisah.I dengan MB2 tengok show budak-budak cultural group to berjoget. Badan masing-masing (termasuk lah dengan yang jantan nya) patah gemertap sungguh! There was this guy, kunun nya macam Hang Tuah...but he appears with foundation yang amatlah tebal nya...plus, he look like Capt Lukmang....(tapi mung lagi comel akinggggg...)

MB2 reaction was 'there is so many gay men in Malaysia'. I'm not sure if she is referring to the male dancers or our friends yang dia kenal...semuanyakan set-set Cik Gayah belaka.

I nak aje cakap kat adik-adik tu...(yang jantan nya) Dik, tak pergi gym ke? Bagilah nampak 6 pack or tegap-tegap sikit. There was a time when they had to dance without bajus...and masing-masing nampak cam cicak kobeng aje.Tapi bersilat-silat hiyaaah!!! hiyaaahhh!!! Camne tu dik? Anak buah I yang macam Spiderman tu pun tak takut.

Bila MB tiba dengan lauk pauknya...they both ate mee goreng and I makan keuhtiau yang rasa payau tu..(Puan Zaiton...I sujudddsssssss dengan you punya kueh tiaw) and I pun dengan rakus nya makan lah karipap yang MB kata rega nya £0.50 satu....you all nak tau apa inti nya? Sadin you all..sadin....kalau lah tak mengenangkan kulit/muka/suara I ni macam orang Melayu (nak disguise as orang putih/other foreigners pun tak kan jadi nya) harus I baling balik kat stall tu dengan ucapan 'Hahhh..hambek lah kau..makan sendiri!!!!!!!'. Pedih hati I tawwww.

I spent nearly £40.00 for food (Malaysian food buatan puak-puak Bayswater ni boleh tahan lah cekik darahnya) and mengenangkan hari tu birthday MB2, I dengan MB cakap, udahlah..takyah kutuk2..sabar aje lah. MB2 yang tak tau apa, makan tak sedap pun dia akan cakap sedap...tapi kan, si orang putih tu dah pandai komplen...bila makan lauk ni, dia akan compare dengan lauk yang Puan Zaiton buat. Ohh..not nice...Puan Zaiton's better...katanya.

The tarian show diselangselikan dengan nyanyian budak-budak tah hapa nama academy kat KL tu. What is it with Malaysian wannabe singer...kalau nak menyanyi aje, mesti nak tiru style orang. If she can't be Siti Nurhaliza, she have got to be Sheila Majid. The days where we have Uji Rashid (sora special), Azlina Aziz (sora pun special) and Kak Melah (sora tak lah sedap, but still is hers) and takdelah pulak masing-masing tu nak tiru sesapa.

My friend keep introducing me to some very famous artist (yang sumpah demi Allah I tak kenal) and cam orang bangang, I pun tanyalah..nama you siapa? I just stood there while budak2 ambik gambar dengan this so called famous actress.

While everyone was so kagum nak jumpa and salam dengan Pak Ngah, I boleh tanya dengan my friend ni..Pak Ngah ni siapa? I got a very weird look from orang-orang gomen ni. Ceh..manalah I tau Pak Ngah tu siapa kan? The only Pak Ngah I know is my own Pak Ngah yang dah mati 10 years ago.

The audience was introduced to quite few famous artiste and there is this film director yang kononnnya famous. Then I remember that we went to school together, so aku dengan muka tak malunya pergi lah tegur dia.Not only that I had to remind him who I was, dia punyalah blur-blur tak ingat kat I.So I cakap dengan MB, ish...malu I...dia dah tak kenal I. Celaka kau Jump!!! (This was his name at school...tapi this guy khabarnya dah jadik Pilim Director yang famous githoo)

Kesimpulannya, kalau you pergi pergi sekolah dengan orang-orang famous...after 10-15 years, don't expect them to remember you the same. I was in Seroja College for a short stint with Syafinaz & Camelia (zaman tak famous) so I doubt they remember me. Cehh..claim to fame kan?

So, yes. The Malaysia Fest ended in hujan yang tak berapa lebat tu. I hardly see any orang putih around and whether or not, this event is successful.

The best part is the fashion show.Although seeing the model remind me that I ni dah debab and untuk mempunyai badan yang ramping macam they all tu, patutkah aku makan maggie dua bungkus sehari?

Monday morning, I called my sister. I asked her...

Eh, who is Manu?

Adik I jawab..Manu mana pulak ni?

Alaaa..Manu pilim star...I was told she is famous...dia berlakon cerita apa hah?

Oitt..mana ada pelakon nama Manu...

Betul...Abang Dale cakap dengan aku nama dia Manu..pastu dia famous....

Nanu adalah....Nanu tu famous lah jugak...apasal?

Oh..Nanu ke nama dia. I saw her yesterday at London Bridge Malaysia Fest. Eh..apsal nama dia Nanu?

Why is her name Nanu?