Terkini.....

Tu lah..orang kata...(Tuhan pun kata) menipu ittew adakah perkara yang keji. Bak lagu kanak-kanak...cakap bohong, lama-lama mencuri...tapi, belum lah lagi naik tarap mencuri perampok Indon ye you all..I ni pencuri kecil-kecil lan, curik stationery kat opis, curik soratkhabar kat opis..tu aje. Takdelah menggelapkan duit syarikat koperasi ke, duit Khairat Kematian Kampung Jiboi ke hapa....

Years ago...(see, I penipu yang tak berhemah...I have forgotten what exactly said and when I lied, nor that I kept tracked!) adalah kat satu kawan dari Convent ni, rapatnya tak adalah...tapi kenal lah. Ada sekali dulu, I terserempak dengan dia kat KL, dia dengan kawan se opisnya and I pulak sorang. Mulut dia macam mulut jahanam jugak...sebab ada lah dulu dia fitnah (or suspect more like) yang I ni ada hubungan dengan orang pusat serenti yang juga training buat building work kat sekolah dedolu. Pastu..ada lagi suspicion-suspicion yang sungguh berpotensi memalukan I kat sepelusuk Paroi tu. So, to prove her wrong...I cakap lah I dah kawin.

Makcik ni, sib baik lah after many-many years, idokle IT savvy ke hapa...dia rasanya takde Pesbuk. Tapi orang yang I kenal dan dia kenal, ada pesbuk. So, kami ni nanti ada reunion next week. My fren cakap..makcik tu dah mengompom kan kehadirannnya dengan Cik Abang nya sekali.And..she can't wait to see me....mak aiiii...hati I dah begegar dah ni...

Mana nak ku carik laki jadi-jadian ku ittewwwwwww????????????????????

Kang kalau kata dah bercerai....sure adalah sora-sora sumbang. Pastu bercerai tak ada anak..musti set-set pompuan mulut puaka tu cakap..patutlah dia tu kena cerai dek laki nya...***dulll kot????

Kalau ku kata ku single (or Mak Janda) sure memasing tu nanti....mulalah menggelabah takut aku nak rampok laki nya memasing tu...

Or..mustikah ku meneruskan penipuan..dan mengajak sesapa mangsa untuk kujadikan laki express untuk tatapan U(mum) aje? Isk..ada male escort services ke kat sini?

Or...(ni line tipu paling sesuai) patut ke I cakap...laki omputih I (cehhh..na, takmau kalah ni) tak ikut I balik...sebab dia tak tahan panas ke or sebab dia busy gila, ye lah dia kan President Microsoft gittew?

Iskk..iskkk...iskkk........

Things People Said....

Quote Satu
Saya berasa selesa keluar dengan Abang Normang sekrang kerana dia bukan lagi suami orang....(iskkk...bukan ke masa dia tu suami orang, kau telah bergerek dengannya sampai kena tangkap basah)

Quote Dua
Saya berasa seronok bercinta dengan Memeh....(hek illa...takkan bercinta nak stress kot? Ni kalau pompuan M tu tak reti-reti bahasa lagi..masa kawan tu dah berbini pun rajin berbohjan dengan pompuan lain, tatau lah nak kata apa kan?)

Quote Tiga
Abang K telah membuka hati saya and mengubah persepsi saya terhadap lelaki....(yelah, Abang K juga telah menggunakan duit untuk membuka hati saya...cuba kalau Abg K tu kerja pemanjat tiang LLN, boleh ke bukak hati awak tuuu?)

Quote Empat
Ana dengan Wawa hanya kawan sahaja.....(Ustaz Rebonding, bak kata Kiah...sebelum bercerai dgn bininya yang lawa dan berkahwin jugak dengan Wawa)

Quote Lima
Beyonce kenalah mengikut peraturan berpakaian dinegara kita ini...(Saya adalah orang Kuala Kelawang yang warak, sampaikan anak saya sanggup menceraikan bininya masa mengandung dan melalui txt message)

Quote Enam
Everytime I see a lift, I recalled the moment I have been ambushed. This is uncalled for. I am seeking a jusctice....50 millions compensation..and my Mummy said..my life worth more than moeny (Saya adalah orang Pilah...and if it is about seeking justice, what about the 50 millions lah weii?)

Hehehehhe...

Update

Driver Yang Jahat
I got my drivers licence when I was 16....(atas paksaan bapak lah ni) I got both, B2 and D licence.That time, we drivers are so polite. We care about the car, the people in the car with us and people in the other car. We give each others way.My relatives called me a 'London Driver'. It is not a sign of posh at all however referring to my 'lembabness'. I indicated when I overtake and when I make a turning. I religiously follow the speed limit. I give way to other driver yang tersangkut nak keluar simpang. I gave a thank you sign to other driver who a nice to me.I forced my passenger to wear seatbelt.I did everything that was taught by both instructors in Malaysia and in the UK. But here, my relatives gelak at me.I was given a ride, easy for me to move about.I remember certain roads so I was the choosen driver. Everytime I bawak kereta....masa tu jugaklah boleh kira berapa kali I telah mencarut, beristighfar (ye ke ejaan nya ni?) and menunjukkan satu atau dua jari kat driver yang telah sewenang-wenang nya menyakitkan hati I. Mat & Minah motor punya perangai...jangan cakaplah. Macam nak sangat mati kena lenyek bas kan? The other day in the news, the Ketua Polis cakap, orang Malaysia ni kalau hukum bunuh sekali pun....takkan nak nya menukar perangai.Sedap lah dia cakap kan???? Dia kan ada supirnya bawak kulu-kilir? I think, takpayah lah nak hukum bunuh. I think, law atas jalan macam soft sangat. Kalau nak orang takut, buat style UK...langgar ke, accident ke, driving deangerously ke, habis hilang point. Bila point dah hilang...after few times, lesen kena tarik. Tunggulah setahun ke 3 tahun nak dapat baru. Tak cukup dengan ittew, dipersembahkan dengan criminal record so nak dapat kerja baru pun susah. Pastu, kalau driving terlampau dangerous sangat..hah kau, masuk jail. Pastu...improve lah public transport. Every kawasan perumahan or kampung ada bus lalu sampai city centre. Lagi satu...mana perginya traffic polis? Ke ada masa malam-malam bila jalan kosong aje? Iskkk...

Tumpang Lalu
Kadang-kadang bila kita buat sesatu benda tu, kita tak perasan yang kita ni in the way jalan orang lain. Hari ahad that day I pi beli sokabar...sebelum kena layan tu, I pun tercongok lah depan newspapers tu, glance reading. 2,3 kali my personal space kena invade. Bukan masa tu aje, masa I nak beli barang ke, bila I dok kat depan rack, ada jugak tangan-tangan yang terbit dari mana datangnya....invading my airspace.

Eh, tak reti ke nak cakap tumpang lalu? Tak ke kita dengan tak semena nya dah bersentuhan tu? Katanya haram kan pompuan and jantan bersentuh kulit, tapi yang aku tengok jejantan macam takde rasa apa aje 'violating' another woman personal space. Nak kata takde budi bahasa, katanya orang melayu. Selalu sindir kami-kami melayu tak sedar diri dok oversea ni. Bila dalam bus ke, LRT ke, tak ke reti nak cakap excuse me, bila nak lalu tu? Main tolakkkkkk aje kan? Boleh tak lepas ni..you all, kalau rasanya akan terlanggar ke tersentuh orang depan tu, cubalah cakap...Kak, Bang..boleh tepi tak sikit...(p/s, boleh tak Kak dan Bang pakai deodorant yang triple action formula ke bila naik public transport eh?)

Kenapa Saya Misti Membayar Toll
Ehemmmm.....mengapa? Adakah jalan-jalan raya didalam Malaysia ini dibuat diatas tanah Incik Sammy Velly? Bukankah kita suda membaya tax? Bukankah kita memerlukan duit untuk memperbaikpulih benda-benda yang penting like giving people good education ke...apa-apa ke yang bagus untuk physical and emotional? Kalau mahu minta Tol pun, kenapa selang 5 minit ada tol booth? Tak ke paria nama nya tu? Encik Sammy Velly, silalah berchotti selama 20 tawunnn ye? Encik Sammy tak akan kena denda lagi....

Kepada Cik Abang tu yang suka pakai ibu jari kaki.....hmmmm........apalah sangat panjangnya ibu jari tu kan? Apa kata Abang beli aje inflatable girlfriend...apa-apa pun boleh try, and si patung tu pun takkan nya mengomplen Jabatan Agama. Ish..ngok lah!

One Raya

I was in United States of 9, from the first to the 5th Raya. My calculation was bad, when I booked my flight, I thought Raya is going to be on the 22nd, because we (in the UK) puasa on the 22nd also.I was battling jetlag and suddenly after buka puasa, the Mohor Besar man kata, raya is Ahad! Weihh....how lah to go home late-late like that? All means of transportation e.g. Komuter, Express Bus and Express adik-adik sure cannot accomodate one. So on the malam Raya, I decided to brave the jet lag, try not to fall asleep and even if I did, I must bangun very early. I did!

I arrived Paroi Jaya, courtesy of Express Sepupu Mulut Puaka, who is driving pepagi raya to his Mum house.

Raya was fun. There was a sad and happy bit. I'll spare you the sad bit.

Atas arahan Bonda yang terchenta, I tagged along with my sisters when they did their Raya round. While some would wish to have laki during Raya to save them from nasty interrogations, I am so glad that I am single (however not really emotionally available).

I think, when you are partnered, you are so obliged to make all the raya rounds.My sisters are like walking address book. They know who lives where. I keep asking, ohhh..must we go? They said,ye lah. Kau nak kena marah ke? Because I am already in their car with no where to go, I had to follow. Even to the houses where I hated the host the most. But it is Hari Raya. I must have the spirit (and the money too) United States was so hot with no hujan like KL.With me feeling so,so hot, nak makan pun tak lalu.I ate so little I may have upset my aunties.

I also went to Kuala Pilah.(If you must asked, Tanjung Ipoh...alaaa...Kampung Mompeh) I was laughed at when I struggled to segregate the tulang from the ikan salai. I was pursuing the betik more than the nasik (tapi still susah nak berak)

My cousins are now with laki, bini and kids. The used to be the younger ones are now either married,getting married or spoken for.

My uncles and aunties complimented how slim I am (or I was????) Ye lah..by their standard, slim lah. They all eat nasik everyday, drank air manih-manih and snacking like hell. One of my cousin menyampuk...ye lah, dia kan orang Putih. Mana makan nasik!!!! Cilaka sungguh.

This time in years, I survived the Bukit Putus. Dedulu tak lopeh...sure muntah belalah and after that, sumpah takmau pergi lagi. So many relatives came to the rumah pusaka, some I haven't seen in years. My aunties decided that we should do a kenduri tahlil for the departed one and so, we stayed overnight. We borak and borak.

Surprisingly this year, the older generation didn't ask Mega questions. Cehhh..lega rasanya. They must have been so tired asking about bilalah kau ni nak berlaki...etc,etc. Nothing sadistic like the previous years when oe of them macam cilako cakap, ohh..you are depriving your parents of a grandchild. Cam kimakkkk je kan?

Tapi yang tak best nya....

My sepupu-sepupu...yang kononnya terasa that they're in the safe zone i.e. dah berlaki/berbini pulakkkkk yang inherited soklan-soklan puaka ni.

I like to brush off questions with answers yang bangang lagi macam kelakar like...ish..takde orang nak, tunggu Sultan Brunei lah...Brad Pitt lah.

One of my male cousin yang bentuk mukabuminya dah sebesar Pahang (Dulu Perlis) semenjak dah berbini ni, siap cakap...apalah yang susah sangat kau ni...Nenek Wook tu pun dah 23 laki eh. Kau sorang pun tak lopeh. Ptuihhhh! Adakah aku disamakan nya dengan Nenek Wook tu? Rasa nak aje jawab...ye lah,if I want to have a laki for companion sake, buat jaga kita dimasa tua, baik aku bela kucing....if I want that kind of relationship.

Another female cousin....pun mulut cam lahanat gak.I ni very memilih lah (bukan ke kita kena pilih orang yang seswai dengan kita?) I ni too selfish lah...siapa nak jaga kita bila kita tua lah...potpetpotpet. I ni rasa nak cakap aje kat my female cousins yang dah kahwin beranak pinak ni, just because you all ni dah berlaki...don't think the laki is going to last forever ye? Jantan nowadays....ish,ish,ish..can divorce you via text message with no valid reasons. While you mengandung also can kena tinggal. Buat nya adalah Memey ke, or tah sesapa artis-artis or pompuan-pompuan genit berjaya merampok laki you, tak ke kau nanti yang kena tinggal? Don't be overconfident lah...hang on to yr husband while you can....jgn sesebok hal I ni.

That is the unfortunate bit. You can always choose yr friends, but NOT your relatives. I wonder why Anita Sarawak, Wan Zaleha Radzi ke or Zara Davidson are not related to me. Sure masa raya was spent talking about beneficial things like masalah kat Peghak ke, Equesterian ke or cara-cara menghalau tukang samun tanpa menggunakan kekerasan..kan Kak Nita?

Because of our relationship, I decided to diam and senyum aje...walaupun hati pedih, macam Joyah yang anaknya baru mati semalam (Al-Fatihah) There was a time, I rasa macam nak meletop, as my cousins tu kalau melaser I pun depan ramai orang, especially budak-budak. Mulut ku yang ber insurance ni rasa nak aje nak je menjawab...things like rahsia-rahsia keluarga yang selama ini tersimpan rapi (tapi keluar jugak dlm sessi-sessi gossip masa lalu)

Those cousins of mine really berlagak like houlier than thou depan anak-anak they all...and other extended and additional family members. Alangkah manisnya kalau masa dia laser I tu, I can happily announce kat seantero Kampung Mompeh tu yang

a) My Female Cousin yang potpet...adalah bohsia sekolah yang pernah lari ikut boipren...tak balik seminggu. That she, was the kelapa yang dah kena tebuk tupai Mat Motor and menconteng arang kat muka makbapak nya. Yang I tahu, habis duitmakbapak nya cari bomoh ubatkan dia supaya jangan ikut Mat Motor tu. How nice if her sons and daughter to know about their mum's sordid history.Including laki dia yang macam orang alim tu.

b) My Fat Male Cousin....dulu,bertunang-bertunang-bertunang...tak jadi. Bukan masa bertunang aje kena reject, masa berchenta dgn mana-mana pompuan pun dok kena tinggal je.Nasib baik lah...ada tukang recommend, tu pun pompuan (bini dia sekarang) tu macam dah nak tarik diri, until my aunty (his mom) nangis-nangis pujuk2 pompuan tu and her family. Elehhh...kau pun kira nasib baik lah kan....ada bini sekarang (in which, at this rate, kalau kau tak jaga badan, macam Usain Bolt lah bin kau lari nanti...)

But.....biarlah rahsia tu pecah diperut aje.It's Hari Raya....I hardly see them anyway. Let's just hope they still have laki or bini to hang on to, next Raya.

Taraaaa.

One Malaysia & Dua Wayang

One Melayu
I was on the 99 bus mini (alaaa..yang kat area Subang Jaya tu) coming back from Sunway Pyramid. I had to use the free wifi...nak hantar report kat Boss punya pasal. I need to use my laptop and for some reason, no one is able to tell me the wireless password for internet at home. So, berarak lah aku menghangkut laptopku yang tak berapa mungil tu naik bus. Dalam bas, adalah sekumpulan budak-budak lelaki kat back seat tu. They don't look that old so maybe in their mid teens.One boy in particular....distinctive nerdy look. Pakai cermin mata set-set budak pintar githoo (or is it the fashion now with that awfully huge frame?) In his conversation with his friends (dengan volume 42 nihhh) he talked about his new top and baggy jeans....and hairdo. He reckoned 'pompuan pun boleh stimmmmm.....'. I look at MB2. Nak gelak pun dah tak larat.He was so loud (and obnoxious) for such a kemetot person. I hope he is reading this....or his friends ( I doubt lah...)

First dik....mewakili pompuan-pompuan seONEMALAYSIA ni, it takes more than baggy jeans and branded shirt to makes us 'stim'. You should know that women often find over-talkative men less attractive...nak nak set yang suka jack diri sendiri, laaaaaaaaaagi off puting. However must you insist to make us 'stim', why don't you try this.....

a) Stuff few football socks under your underwear. Bigger the better. But make sure the enhancement is believable...big thing come in complete package, and I think it grows with age.

b) Don't use public transport to promote how attractive you are.

c) When harta takde, rupa pun ilekkk....money can make women 'stim' on your behalf. Ni kalau setakat potong rambut, beli jeans and T-Shirt pun guna duit angpau adik jalan beraya...I'm sure we women are more inclined to 'stim' tengok Sausage and Nuggets in Ayamas.

d) Will you consider...pencuci muka clean and clear????? Ke Kao Biore? You have got to kiss a girl by their lips first to make them 'stim'. Kalau acne pun dah sama ramai dengan population Indon dalam Malaysia ni....susah lah dik. If there is any consolation...you can still enjoy sex. Chargeable one at Bukit Bintang. They'll overlook your notorius acne.They don't need to get 'stim'. They touch and go.

One India
At Pasar TTDI. Ye Cik Kak...TTDI ni pasar orang-orang kaya. No difference from all that over-expensive upmarket you have been to. I was waiting for MB1 buying bunga kubur and he...was buying groceries at the stall next door. He was served by another Indian shop assistant. He gave instruction to his fellow in English, when the another fellow was clearly 'not the English speaking one'. He was rather demanding....takdelah beli banyak mana pun.So the shop man fill everything in one plastic bag. Then..there's a thunder.

In between English and bahasa Ibunda they all tu...the India berlagak, really taruk the shop man. I was there with few others.Lagiiiiiii dia ber petir-petir. Wone wone ingge poringeee BAD SERVICE. Yinnadehhh CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT...and other yingge wonee amma sarree pundek pochikkk!!!

What is it with them? If you're Indian and you're reading this...let me tell you, based on my experience in service industry, your people always like to berlagak tak kena tempat one.Why lah? Dalam flight lambat kena serve berlagak...dalam duty free baru beli chocolate tapi rasa macam beli Rolex.

If you want an extra plastic bag....you can always ask for it nicely.You always going on about being repressed lah, mistreated lah. Everywhere also the same. The one that live in UK also, laaaaaagiiii berlagak. Especially when you drive a car slightly expensive than other. Do you really think people will be impressed? Menyampah lagi adalah....cettt! Poh!!!!

One Cina
I went to Summit to buy some PC pheripherals. Majority of the PC shop belongs to the Chinese. Cehh...manyak bagus. I brought back a PS3 console from UK and was looking for games. So I browse. So expensive. They insist on selling the game that cost over $400, the Ah Beng said, that is already dead cheap. I said No lah...to expensive for me. So I asked for 4GB memory stick instead. It's $350...katanya. He said everywhere in Malaysia sell that price. Because I was wearing just T-Shirt, slippers and shorts and most certainly look like bodoh, he tried selling a software that 'goes' with the stick. He blabs about how 'this' must be use only with 'this' and if not, your komputer will get TLOJANS.

Wehh...must tipoooo one ah? I let him lied through and through his teeth. He has a Indonesian helper..that helped him carry all the kotak and all the odd jobs. One Indonesian among 3 Chinese that behave like a shark. 3 of them keep mengumpat him and called him 'sohai'.

You think I don't understand Chinese meh???? You also called us a silly malai under your breath. Manyak belaniiii ah???? I wish I can say this to your face 'Ham Ka Channn'.

Dua Olang Kulang Bijak
On the news today....the KRU man and the Chinese Movie producer were fussing over whose movie collect more money than who. One movie apparently made $1.dont know how much million on the week one. And another claim, his movie made the most. One got so annoyed demanding a qualified auditor to re count. All in front page. Aiyaaaa????

So important meh???? You oledi got millions...why so sebok??? Baru 1 millions sudah like that...olang lain bikin movie lagi besar currency munya millions pun tatak mising. Bodohhh punya olang.

p/s Selamat Hari Raya you all. Thanks tak terhingga kat you all yang komen kat my last entry tu.Cak pong, cak pong

Budak Baik (Reviewed on 19/9/09)

Eden budak baik......(Saya Budak Baik)

Monjak kocik...den tak ponah mengado-ngado mintak menan yang memaha...
Orang lain ngompeh-ngompeh kaki, badan mo palo mintak di boli 'an game and watch Miki Mouse, kasut sekolah maha, tapi den...ontokkkkkk yo. Omak boghi Badminton Master tapak ijau $7.99 pun den cukup ber timo kasihhhhh (Semenjak kecik, tak pernah mengada-ngada mintak mainan yang mahal-mahal..orang lain hempas-hempas kaki, badan dan kepala mintak dibelikan game and watch Mickey Mouse, kasut sekolah mahal, tapi saya diammmm aje. Mak bagi Badminton Master tapak hijau $7.99 pun saya dah cukup berterima kasih.)

Monjak kocik...den tak ponah monjawab kato. Orang lain omak cakap satu...beghatuih dio menjawab. Den..omak cakap satu...den jawab setongah.(Semenjak kecik, saya tak pernah menjawab kata. Orang lain Mak cakap satu, beratus dia menjawab. Saya...mak cakap satu, saya jawab setengah)

Maso kocik, omak sughuh poei ngaji...omak cakap, rajin poei copek khatam eh. Lughuihhhhhh yo den poei sojid..mang yo eh...copek den khatam. Dongki boto abang den, sobab eh, dia tak gak naik-naik Quran...bertahun deh nak ngabih 'an Muqaddam eh. Mano tak kono sobat mo tepinggang sokar ayah den? Padan muko eh...(Masa kecik, mak suruh pergi mengaji..mak cakap, rajin pergi cepat khatam. Lurussss aje saya pergi masjid. Memang ye pun, cepat saya khatam. Dengki betul abang saya, sebabnya, dia tak jugak naik-naik Quran...bertahun dia nak menghabiskan Muqaddamnya. Mana taknya dia kena sebat dengan dengan tali pinggang askar Ayah saya? Padan mukanya.)

Maso dah bosa sikit...den kono masuk boarding school...dalam ati den cukup tak goma, tapi apokan dayo, den tak ghoti menjawab. Ayah boghi duit sebanyak ituuuu dan den tak ponah mintak tetambah. Omak selalu posan...belanjo elok-elok...ayah kojo masuk hutan, susah kojo eh...(tapi cam tipoooo yo, nama yo sokar..masuk utan eh adolah 20 menet sehari..pehtu agaknya dia makan mee goreng kek mess kan?)

Maso sekolah, ayah koba..belajar pepandai, jadi loyar...poei England. Hati maso tu ngelintin nak ambik MassComm (yo lah..nak ikut Wan Zaleha lah kato kan...) behompeh puleh den belajar nak lopeh 'an SPM. Sib baik pass. Dapek masuk tompek yang Ayah suko amek-amek tu. Suko ati Ayah...dapek den ngobar 'an kek orang..anak den nak poei oberseeeee.

Bilo sampai UK...macam susah mek nak pass perekso...nak ngadu kek Ayah mo Omak tak ghoti...kesudah eh den tukar course tak cakap mo Ayah Omak. Bilo dah grad...tekojut Ayah bila dapek tahu anak eh tak balik jadi loyar...iskk,isk..isk...

Bila dah bosa panjang dan tak boleh panjang lagi...petamo kali lah Den melawan hajat Omak Ayah..bukan melawan cakap do macam bebudak sekarang...melawan dendiam, buek mondo yang digoma dek ati...walaupun tahu toghang-toghang Ayah tak suko.

Poei lak kojo ateh patobang...Ayah bising (tapi bising kek Omak, tak do deh do nak bising kek den..takut den laghiiii) kato eh..buek ponek yo belajar...tu yang di ondak eh? Sian Omak den...kok anak-anak buek perangai...yang kono marah eh dio.Isk...

Peh tu...bercinto lak mo laki oghang (Ayah Omak tatau..sebolun jantan ni jadi laki orang...dulu den bercinto mo dio sebolun dia gata nak kawin pompuan lain) Ayah marahhhhhhh bona-bona.Tapi cam biaso, ayat-ayat marah di salur 'an kek Omak.

Nak ngelak laki oghang tu, den poei down under. Ayah pun tak goma gak...yo lah. Anak daro sensorang.

Up until couple of years back....bilo ayah dah tak koso nak marah, tak koso nak bising...Ayah cakap slow-slow ...lopeh den dapek UK Nationality, kok ini lah yang kau suko...buek lah elok-elok. Ayah & Omak mintak kau jago lah diri...Ayah & Omak ni jauh... (den raso nak nangih)

Kesimpulan eh...walaupun den ni bak kato oghang Kelantan..budak juruh...tak banyak paham..tak banyak kato, banyak boto pekaro yang den buek tolah melukokan ati Mak Ayah.Sib baik tak kono sumpah....

So, mulai hari ni...sampai bulan tongah bulan dopan, kok den tak hapdate tu, usahlah ningga 'an mesej-mesej demand geh puako. Boghilah den peluang berayo mo Omak Ayah den dan besuko ghio.

Tapi kalau den ado maso dan kalau internet connection tak macam puako, mako...kok sesapolah nampak pompuan angkek singlet duduk dendiam dalam cyber cafe update blog eh..mako togo lah jangan tak togo yo.

Sempono aghi ghayo ni...den nak mintak hampun dah mahap..terutamo pado puak-puak Pilah & Co yang pueh boto den kato.

Kepado yang comment yang den tak sompek jawab

Kepado orang yang den caruts (tapi kalau orang yang terasa dia dicarut..tu lu punya hal lah ye...)

Kepado kengkawan yang tak balik rayo...

Kepado follower-follower (sampai hari ni den tak tahu apo jadah eh fungsi follower ni...makno eh, nak ngikut balik umah ko?)

Entry ini ditujukan kek Orang2 Paroi Jaya, Kampung Tolang...and Orang United States Of Nine. Den rayo kali ni..rayo kek KL. Ayah dah tak bapo kuek..so, adik beradik den dah hangkut dio rayo kek KL. Bukan apo..nak low profile sikit. Kek Kelumpo..orang tak kona. Sonang hidup bilo oghang tak kona ni.Jimat barang makan...

Hehehehe......Maaf Zahir & Batin

Update

I dah nak balik lusa but I still haven't packed. Begitulah sokmo....I am such a light traveller, more than often, I am usually still at work at 3pm when my flight is at 10pm the same day.

Orang kata...alaaa..you sure dah tak heran travel-travel ni. Ye lah kan..once upon a time, I was flying all the time for a living...duduk atas tanah 10 hari aje dalam sebulan. Adalah sekali tu...bersalin baju pun kat back seat of a taxi...terus boarding flight.....boleh?

Oh of course I am very excited. I haven't seen my family since my last trip. But I am also a nervous traveller. So, as honestly a I can put it here...I would rather exhaust all the energy in my body for now until my flight...so that aku boleh tidur,makan.tidur,makan for the whole 13 hours journey.

I am so convinced that I developed a phobia being in a confine space. And I am so,so convinced that the work that I am doing now messed up my neurological system completely.

I hope MAS ada cerita yang best-best, just in case I takleh tido. I wanted to ask my MO friend to sign me a prescription of a valium so that I boleh tido. My friend cakap...you minum alcohol ajelah,kan ke alcohol senang buat you tido? Ye lah...buatnya tertidur selama-lama nya, apa ke hal nya? Free ride aje kan masuk nurakkka? But we work dalam kelompok NHS, yang semuanya by the book. There is no such thing of buddy system here...kalau sakit gigi, kalau kena tunggu, tunggu lah. I was put on NHS Dental waiting list since last year. I dah managed pun cabut satu and hoping to cabut another after raya ni. Nasib baik ada kenal Dentist. Kalau tak....tahun 2012 olimpik dah habis kot baru Dentist NHS tu fit me in his list.

I think I have upset one of my friend recently. Hiksss...well, dialah yang terasa so, I nak buat macam mana kan? Kang kalau I mintak mahap...I nak mintak mahap nak cakap pasal apa? Pasal I kecik kan ati dia ke? Bila masa pulak? I will then tell her, I raise my opinion...bukannya criticism..so there's nothing personal. So buat apa pulak you nak kecik hati?

This friend of mine, uses her Facebook page to air her views on Malaysia's politics. Okay..one might say, it's her view..let her be lah. So what I did was, I've hidden her post so that takdelah I baca/terbaca bila dia menghupdate status nya.

2 weeks ago was her birthday, so I wish her.Automatically I was redirected to her page. Dah tu..terbaca lah kan. She expressed her view about Malaysia, Malay and other race. It is notably racist in my view and being a Malay with plenty friends from other race and religions, her view is somewhat provocating...to my liking.

Her ideology preference is towards the Islamic party....(heran gak I...sebab masa kat sekolah si makcik ni adalah ciri-ciri bohsia sekolah gittew..cis mulutku) so maybe bila dah tua ni...langsung berhijrah and menyokong Hj Hadi.

Satu yang I tak paham ni...nama pun dah parti kuat agama, tapi carots marots itu macam tak salah aje. Tak cukup dengan carots marots, habis disumpahnya family orang tu. So si my friend ni, teruslah mengutuk si polan yang nak naik bertanding for parti Timbangkilo ni, pi kutuk family dia makan hasil babi (haram) turun temurun, etc etc...yang memang sadis gila lah kita yang membaca ni.

Back to the comment I made to my friend's view on the sensitive issue. I cakap, errr...your view to me is a bit harsh. I doubt Islam is agreeing to badmouthing and slandering. Plus, Malaysia does not belongs to the Malay. Infact, Malay pun orang datang. She bang on Melayu kena tipu...tergadai maruah bangsa what not tanpa provocation from sesiapa.So, I tegur lah...wouldn't be sensible to have a clean view on everything? We moan and moan...but what do we want? Pastu, dia pi cakap..alah...pemimpin2 pergilah bela babi..kayakan orang Cina..bla..bla..bla.

I tegur sikit aje....terus dia cakap...you dah duduk oversea...dah senang lenang...kami melayu di Malaysia yang terus dijajah oleh pemimpin2 tak berhati perut.

Terus I pun cakap...it is not about me being the 'senang lenang' (uishhh..masin lah mulut kau) but mana manners you as a Muslim, nak nak bulan puasa kan? Nak kempen..kempen bersih lah....

Terus dia angin..katanya, I tak tahu apa-apa..I tak dok Malaysia.

Nasib lah kan...susah betul kalau tak leh kena tegur ni.

Update

I don't know the whole story...(erkkk...this type of news never interest me..lainlah kalau Normang & Abby kena tangkap basah and that Memeh datang serang...talk about what you give you get back)

But when I called my sister, selain dari menghupdate cerita-cerita sensasi (i.e. gossip sedara mara) she told me about the Sweeping Malaysia.

Okay...let's agree on this fact, having lived in Jakarta...Kuala Lumpur and Paroi Jaya is far more cleaner than Plaza Mangga Dua...or any street in JKT. So if you Indonesian think that Sweeping Malaysia is appropriate, lets the Malaysia 'vacuum clean' Jakarta..nak tak?

I am half Indon myself...so there is no tinge of guilt here. Dengan tak tahu cerita sebenar tapi masih dalam mood nak menyumpah..the Indons to me, have now behave like the immigrant/refugee in the UK. Yang dah dibagi pertolongan...pastu nak dilanyak nya tangan yang memberi makan itu. Samalah jugak dengan puak-puak Afghan, Somalia dan bangsa-bangsa bersatu sewaktu dengannya.

I think..we should now export Penyangak paling berkaliber Malaysia untuk merampok and memecah rumah orang di Indonesia.

Nordin Mat Top must now seriously re think...to bomb the Indonesian instead.

Sekian....(sambil lari masuk bawah tudung saji)

Note To Self

Note Satu : -
I went to Laura Ashley homestore today. Betul lah orang kata, rich people have more money than sense. Tah hapalah yang cantik kat dalam kedai tu, tuhan ajelah yang tahu. I only went there to get a paint sample...so, kalau orang tak suruh, tak masuk lah. Although my taste ala-ala pariah and cheapskate, I think what I like in decor hugely stand out from those on display. Ala rumah maknenek mana tah!!!

I am not having fun time at work at the moment, so...untuk menenangkan kepala hotak, I have to incorporate activity mengular juga. Nasib baik orang bagi lists beli barang, so I can do a retail therapy, only not for me. Rumah baruku really wiped out ongkos tabanas ku. Iskkk...

Yang tak bestnya, (pada I lah...) is that just some people take liberty to treat others like idiot just for easy way out. See, I have the list of things to buy. Siap dengan serial number nya. Barang in most UK stores adalah senang nak cari...(unless lah you masuk kedai kaplam) If you are prepared with lists, life is easy. Bangang cemana pun...you can just refer to your list and get the exact item you want or asked to buy. Bukan macam kedai kat Paroi..(iskk, mengata orang Paroi pulak I) you masuk kedai...you tanya item ni, item tu...the shopkeeper is likely to say..ntahhh...tengok kat situ...blahblah. Nama nak menolong you, takkan ada lah kan?

The Laura Ashley in Richmond ran out of stock but they kindly offer to order me one and call me once the item is in stock. I ni malas nak tunggu-tunggu, I am not a shopaholic you see...kalau kedai ni takde, I cari kedai lain...as long as the responsibility membeli barang tu terlepas dari bahuku. Off I went to Laura Ashley Twickenham....I dah perasan dah tak ada atas shelf, but sajalah tanya this young girl..manalah tahu, ada satu ke dua dalam store diorang. Lovely that she was, she took the sample similar to what I asked, only not the precise one and convinced me that that was the one I was looking for. Elehhh..bodoh nau ke aku? I told her, nope, I want this type...dia cakap, they are the same, only differeny name...pala hotak kau!!!!

It is so obvious that she knows not more than I do but just because I was reading my list, she tried to tell me the orang is apple? Nak aje I cakap...eh...I did go out with an engineer yang buat building besar-besar for a good 10 years, so don't tell me that all white paint is the same. tak ke sakit hati ku, Kiah diperlakukan sebegitu rupa?

So, I decided to take up the earlier offer from the Richmond store, maknanya..hari Jumaat ni, kenalah aku gi balik kedai tu. Iskkk.....as if I am so free.

Note 2:-
Kepada adik adik dan kakak kakak yang menghantar private comment kat saya...mekasihlah banyak-banyak. Namun, saya perlu mintak mahap lah nah bahawa saya takleh nak entertain private request, saya bukan tak sudi nak menyambut salam persahabatan dan juga salam salam yang lain-lain.

It has come to a stage now where I need to separate work and leisure.I don't intend to become a private counsellor here nor that I am your psychoanalyst. Paling sadis sekali, I don't think you who seek 'help' from me here private, ada genuine problem. Okaylah..you ada masalah emosi terganggu but aren't we all prone to have our emotion disturbed once in a while, if not...daily?

Marriage/Relationship
Mana-mana yang tetiba sekarang pulak rasa terperangkap in the marriage, in the relationship and been painstakingly unhappy, kenapa pulak tanya I apa nak buat? See...I can understand people who asked me for opinion, ada yang terpaksa membelakangkan kehendak diri dulu demi laki la, anak la.At least you know what you want to do and just asking me how to cope. Ni yang problem-problem tak perlu like dah tahu laki main kayu tiga, zero point, konda kondi and galah panjang belakang dia or kena seksa dek boipren..lagi mau tanya apa mau buat ke?

Ye, ada yang kata..terpaksa bersabar demi anak-anak...financial security. Okay...takde siapa yang akan judge you. I will ask you..so apa tindakan you after this? Some will say..okay, I need the bastard for this, for this and this. My kids needs ther father..well at least for now. So, I will need to do what I have to do for the time being. Hah..itulah coping mechanism nya...and pikir apa akan dibuat next, give herself some time to plan. And duduk diam-diam. Takyah lah nangis sana, nangis sini...mengadu domba..mengutuk laki yang dah sah-sah macam puaka tu. Ye Kak, nangis pun, kenalah nangis jugak kan...we have got to go through the bereavement process...laki kita dah lari..serupalah macam laki kita dah mati.

Kalau dah taknak tunggu, tak boleh tunggu and menyampah gila...blah aje lah, tanya saya buat apa?

Socialisation Crisis/Self Esteem
Hmm...ada pulak yang kesepian. Hidup berpuluh tahun untuk laki, anak, yam dan kambing saja. So tetiba, terasa macam missing out pulak, ye lah orang lain boleh buat tu, buat ni..awak tu kerja pun tak pernah..habis kahwin terus ikut laki and jaga anak. Iskk...bukan ke tu jugak satu kerja? Takde pulak dia cakap dia kena seksa dek laki or laki dia control dia pi kawan orang lain. So, kalau rasa tak ada kawan..bukan ke patut sekarang ni dah start masuk social club dekat-dekat rumah? Nak kawan dengan saya, apa hasil nya?

Nilah susahnya...bila nak meniru orang sangat, letak expectation tinggi atas kepala...pastu wallowing self pity..ohh, I tak pernah merasa itu, merasa ini. Cubalah you pi tanya pompuan-pompuan yang terpaksa kerja plus jaga anak and jaga laki tu, surely dia jugak ada juga perasaan...eh, aku dari dulu lagi membanting tulang..tak pernah pun merasa dok umah.

Kalau you rasa rendah diri pasal you tak pernah kerja and tak ramai kawan, maka tanyalah diri you sendiri...sampai bila you nak rasa camtu? Ada ke orang ngata you? I always think that orang yang ramai kawan ni, sebab they all tu yang suka berkawan. So, irregardless self esteem kurang ke, kurang exposure ke, kalau rasa nak berkawan ramai...pi lah cari kawan kan? Cari kawan pun, ikutlah saluran yang betul...jangan pulak kita angkat kawan orang lain jadi kawan kita yang kita tak kenal batang hidung pun.

If you feel mistreated by the universe, maybe it is because you allow yourself to be mistreated. dah dah lah nak hantar comment saying that you berendam ayaq mata ke hapa. I bukan nak cakap apa lah ye, orang yang bagitau I dia berendam ayaq mata ni, kenkadang..ada borderline personality disorder pulak kisahnya.Dengan I kononnya dia berendam airmata, tapi dengan orang lain main ugut-ugut pulak...Allah Karim!

I don't know about you, but cerita air-air mata ni membuatkan pahala puasa I makin sikit aje.I am likely to sympathised if orang yang kononnya teraniaya ni dok diam-diam ank tak freely meghoyan.

Pastu, takyah nak bagi pujian or hoping that you can be strong..kononnya lah like me. Kalau you dah terang terangan make youself vulnerable, dengan orang sana nangis, dengan orang sini pun nangis...sendiri buat diri sendiri lemah, maka sendiri tanggunglah.

Kalau nak jadi strong sangat..minumlah Milo...habis cerita.

Update

Lantai kayu rumah baru ku dah siap. Katil baru juga sudah dipasang...disulami dengan kata-kata nista dek terseksa kepala hotak to figure which bolt are for which nut, etc etc. Sekarang yang tinggal hanyalah baju-baju and barang-barang dalam beg plestik hitam. So, operasi melipat kain, menggosok baju and menyusun buku-buku akan dimulakan secara bedikit-dikit mulai hari ni.

Kesan-kesan perpindahan rumah boleh dilihat pada lengan, peha dan kaki...yang lebam-lebam. Angkat kotak, angkat macam-macam barang berat...tu tak termasuk tangan dan kaki yang tersepit kerana salah coordination angkat barang...'depan sikit, belakang sikit..atas sikit..aduiiii...cilaka kau, tangan aku tersepit...' all that dialogue memang selalu didengar kat Queen Mary's Place ni.

Manalah perginya jantan-jantan yang gagah perkasa bila kita memerlukan mereka kan, Kiah?

Tadi dalam tube....ada sorang jantan melayu ni selamba aje makan. Memang lah dia kena selamba..sebab kat sini, siapalah yang kisah kan? I thought he was bongok, not that I judge him ke apa, sukati mak dia lah dia tanak puasa pun tapi, dia pakai baju jersi bola with sticker 'KELANTAN' on his shirt front and back. Ni musti takut makan kat rumah, so kenalah makan dalam tube. Oii haii Cik Abang. Pastu bila cakap kat mobile phone dia, pi cakap melayu and said 'kita jumpa kat XXXXX ye, buka puasa sama-sama'. Hek elehhh....

The guy who delivered my floorboards, is from Palestine. Yes..because he said so. Dia masuk dalam rumah I nak mintak signature (puaka takde telur tu, tak nak pun tolong I angkat kayu berat2 tu) and he noticed my Ramadhan timetabe. Dia tanya I...you celebrate Ramadhan? I pun cakap..ye lah. Ohh, you Muslim? Ye lah! Dia pun cakap dia Muslim jugak from Palestine. I pun compliment lah dia..kuat ye you puasa dengan kena kerja hard labour lagi ni. Nak tau dia kata apa? Fast? What fasting? Why must I fast? Who cares? Cilaka punya Pak Arab. Pastu, dia berapi-rapi cakap pasal Israel. Nak je I cakap dengan dia, Yahudi satu opis dengan I pun puasa Yom Kippur, dia yang soheh-soheh Muslim, taknak puasa.Tak nak puasa tu satu lah jugak...yang pi cakap..what for? Apa pekdah posa etc, etc...isk! Patutlah kau tu dibuat camtu dek Zionis tu.

Oh ye...bulan Ramadhan yang mulia ni, banyak betul setan yang bersenggayutan dalam jiwa dan kepala. Since Friday I tak posa....biasalah kan, orang pompuan ada ABC (Allah bagi cuti) tapi.....

a) Sehari suntuk I tak makan, tak minum air...and buat kerja-kerja berat...boleh kan okay aje aku sampai pukul 10 malam? Cuba kalau pasang niat puasa tu, rasa nak pengsan tepi jematan raso eh.

b) Cigak lah mata bila kol 3 pagi...kalau nak bangun sahur tu, terguling-guling pun tak tentu boleh bangun lagi.

c) Takde pulak tali perut rasa sakit kan?

Sekian.