Ice Ice Baby

I return to London today. Enough said. I dah terperangkap kat dalam opis since Sunday night and nasib baik ada spare baju and toiletries bag, dapatlah I shower walaupun dalam ketakutan kat dalam unit tu...ada satu malam yang hening tu I terdengar pintu shower room tu kena bukak, nasib baik I belum bukak baju lagi..kalau tak, haruslah jadik mangsa sexual assault para wargatua yang otak nya semoneng ittew...seramssss!!!

Misi pertama setibanya I di London ialah pergi mem visit Makcik Pakiam tu. Yelah..kan ke janji nya nak jumpa hari Selasa tu hari, tapi bila dah adverse weather and jalanraya dah ala-ala Ice-Ice Baby, maka terpaksalah di postpone kan.Anxious jugak le I...bukannya apa you all...orang yang emotionally unstable ni bukannya boleh dipostpone/reject sebarang aje. Unlike Kiah, kalau I main cancel-cancel appoinment pun, sehabis kuciwa pun..dia akan hantar message berbunyi 'pant*t ko Esah'.And after that we both are back ber french kissing semula, sambil memakan tahu sumbat buatan air tangan Kiah. (isk..lain macam je bunyi nya..tahu sumbat...air tangan)

Makcik Pakiam..woohooo...if you must know Manal...muka macam Cheryl Tweedy, tanpa make up.Muka and lengannya berparut..ni musti perbuatan laki Paki nya dedolu.Ye lah, bukan ke kahwin paksaan...dah le jadik mangsa penderaan seksual,physical and emotional pun ye juga.I was reminded not to ask about her child (apparently dia ada anak lelaki dgn boifren omputihnya 10 years ago) sebab their separation was very traumatic.Isk...yang nulis report ni pun, separation mak dgn anak kan mmg la traumatic nya...especially the mother is the dependable one bukan bangsa beranak and go, main buang kat mesjid,jamban or kubur.

I can imagine masa jaman mudanya, haruslah Makcik Pakiam ni is the type yang every Friday will paint the town red, bangsa Asian yang repressed sesangat takut kat Mak Bapak bila dok rumah.See, pengajarannya...jgn strict menggila dgn anak-anak. I dedolu pun, ayahanda strict jugak...tapi alhamdulliah, my bonda pun levelheaded...walaupun teruk dimarah Ayahanda, kami dibenarnya main sampai ke petang dengan syarat musti balik sebelum Ayahanda balik...kalau tak nanti Bonda takleh tolong kalau Ayahanda rotan.

I tell you, bila I jumpa my patients, bila dah habis meeting...masa I sensorang balik naik bus or tube, I terkenang betapa malang nya nasib orang lain and betapa selfishnya dok mengompen nasib I lah yang paling malang githoo...hard done by kalu.Ada orang dari kecik sampai besar dibuang MakBapak, ada yang dikerjakan dek Bapak sendiri...kesian sungguh.Dah le otak pun tak berapa nak develop, lagi kena aniaya dengan next of kin.Walaupun I ni takde jiwa keibuan macam Kiah, sedikit sebanyak, jiwa kekakakkan (ni buka sistahood TKC ye?) I akan terasa jua.

Makcik Pakiam is a heavy smoker...dalam sepital takleh isap rokok so I pun ajak jumpa bawah pohon jambu githoo..dalam sejuk-sejuk.Makcik Pakiam tak cakap banyak at first and I dok berhempas pulas cari jalan tu break the ice.

'I used to smoke too, you know'

'Really? You don't look it'

'Well, not addicted thankfully but smoking cryptically. My parents are very strict'

'What are you, Chinese?'

'Malay and Chinese mixed...I'm from Malaysia'

'You look too young to be a psychiatrist'

'I'm not...I don't want to be...too hard work'

'So what are you? Are you one of the nurses?'

'I am a Social Worker, like Joseph (bukan nama sebenar)'

'So you're the one that going to get me re house...yeah the nurses told me'

'I might be, but we going to do something together for 15 weeks, before Dr.BrokBrek (pun bukan nama sebenar) discharge you'

'What work? I'm not crazy you know...I just do drugs and some shit. They made a mistake keeping me here.But it is better than being homeless.Lucky I didn't get AIDS'

'Do you still drugging, if I may ask?'

'Just skunk...for fun'

'Cool...I never tried that'

'You're stupid...(she laugh)'

'Well...sometimes.I'm sorry I can't see you the other day.I was stuck in Dorset'

'Yeah..well'

'But I will see you again next Thursday'

'Okay...will I be out by then?'

'No, I don't think so. I'm not in charge for that. I'm only here to give support so that you can move on from here.It may take a little while'

'Shit...those hospital fuckers'

'So, shall we see each other next week? Thursday'

'Okay...can you bring me a packet of fags...the black packet superkings'

Hantu punya Makcik Pakiam.Belum apa-apa dah nak pow duit I mintak rokok!!!!

Update

Kepada Cik XYZ, yang dikala ini sedang berada dipersimpangan dilema, thanks for telling me about your problem. Apa nak ku kata...I have heard this all before. I am also certain that if you tell someone about this, they will tell you the same.

Makji ni you all, seboleh-boleh nya tak mau lah masuk campur masalah rumahtangga orang, rumahtangga Abby & Norman tu lain lah...kalau tak kerna dia menyerang ex-lakinya kat lokasi pelem and the Malaysian news made it so big that it was for gossipmonger like me to ignore.

Apa yang boleh I kata ni, ye lah..walaupun laki orang tu ex-boifren you...and tah apa ribut topan tetiba dia memilih orang lain pulak untuk dikahwin nya. I think perampas boifren takleh seteruk perampas laki. However I think the word 'rampas' is too strong in its context. The jantan is a consenting adult, maka secara sedar or tak sedar, dia merelakan rampasan kuasa itu. I think our situation is almost similar...my ex boifren pun dulu kahwin dengan orang lain jugak...pastu baru terkedek-kedek macam anak rusa nani cari I balik. Tapi, takde siapa yang paksa dia kahwin dengan pompuan ittew. Just because dia boifren you before dia jadi laki orang, cannot justify perbuatan kita yang berkeluaran dengan laki orang ni.

My ex-boifren punya bini pun boleh tahan jugaklah dahsyat nya bila dia dapat tahu (dia tahu pun sebab my ex ni yang cakap kat dia) All I was that time dimata orang is a scarlet woman, walaupun hati meronta kata kitalah ditempat yang benar.Tak ada yang benar nya. Your boifren is still berbini and walaupun tak bahagia (kata dia) he is not a free agent.

You're having a affair with someone else's husband, so at best he was a loan; there was certainly no guarantee that he would be yours to keep.The only person to blame for getting your heart tangled up in this sorry mess is yourself.I really don't think you can keep a straight face while blaming his wife.

Believe you and me, nak bersemuka berserimuka dengan bininya menegakkan benang basah you pun tak ada guna nya.Do you honestly think it's anything she doesn't know already? What sort of outcome would you be hoping for?

Maybe there's one of us that is lucky to be reunited back with their chenta agung.However now, you ought to be very realistic.He has made his choice before.Kalaupun dia balik dengan you, there's still a reminder of lots of hurtful thing.His children to begin with.

You takleh lupa kat dia? Ye..tu lah yang parahnya.I keep telling myself betapa bangang nya I...and bila mengenangkan betapa our relationship sebenarnya is mostly one sided affair, hatiku panas menggelegaklah jugak, but I am still the one who cry myself to sleep.

I think nasihat berupa quick teraphy yang I boleh bagi kat you ialah...(ni pun I cedok dari kata-kata boss I, bila I rasa nak bunuh diri/bunuh orang)....in life, you will experience a battle.Some will take it to war and fight tooth and nail, and some will continue fighting the battle.It seems to me that you're up and ready for this war and confident that you'll win.But will it make you happy?

Ingat satu saja....walaupun you rasa bininya tu perampas boifren you, boifren you yang rela dirampas.For all you know you might be picking up someone else's bad rubbish.

You best extricate yourself from this ridiculous situation. I was there and it wasn't a nice place to be.

P/s Cik XYZ, you budak TKC ke?

Makcik Pakiam....The Story

I ada satu patient baru kena refer dengan I semalam. Supervisor I macam main paksa-paksa aje I ambik case ni.Bencik taww...

36 year old, Female Asian Muslim (Pakiam la ni..) chronic bipolar disorder. No apparent physical or learning disabilities.Potential discharge pending assessment. Maknanya, I lah yang kena buat assessment pastu persembahkan kat Consultant Psychiatrist allocated kat pompuan ni sebelum dia ni dibagi keluar dari sepital dia kat Ladbroke Grove tu.

Supervisor I kat opis no.2 tu email I, katanya..Makji, you dah lama sangat ambik break.Dia takut lah tu, pasalnya I have been involve in the business side of my job and that I focus more on service delivery on the whole.So kononnya, its about time lah I ambik satu case from the team for at least 15 weeks. I tanya CPB, boley ke I ambik case ni...ye lah, takut nanti terganggu pulak kerja I kat Dorset (speaking of which, CPB jahat sungguh sebabnya patient-patient kat Dorset tu semua nya ala-ala Dementia, not only that they're demented, ada psychiatrict and psychological issue lagi.) Tu dia...bukan setakat nyanyuk you all...nyanyuk campur gila darab kepala terpeleot. Payah oooo...orang ada PHD pun takleh buat...tapi rasanya sesiapa yang berhasrat nak tinggalkan wide body cabin job they all tu, maybe want to think about being re trained in behaviour teraphy.Seswaiiii lah sangat Aking oiiiii.Dengan segala experience melayan segala perangai puaka in a such confined space, turbulence lah...lavatory meletop lah...indecent proposal from pax-pax Arab & Pak Hitam yang terasa sungguh high class tapi tak sedor naik economoney class.

Okay..file sulit mulit makcik Pakiam ni dah sampai dalam my inbox tadi pagi (gigih tul nak suruh aku ambik case ni) Mak datukkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!! Nak semput aku membacanya you all. Here I am thinking kalau dah macam ni lah hidup, apa tak naik gila nya?

a) British born, tapi makcik pakiam ni punya parents is a strict Pakistani family.
b) Makcik pakiam ni, boleh lah dicategory kan sebagai gadis kota, ni mesti dalam rumah..sare appa, sare amma...pijak cicak pun tak hancur tapi bila keluar rumah aje...wahahahaha...ayoyo kadawale jadik nya.Ala-ala serigala jadian githooo.
c) Masa umur dia 16 tahun, hasil perprojekan haram dengan boifrennya, mengand lah dia.Apa lagi...ayoma ayopa jadik murka lalu dibelasah lah Makcik Pakiam ini.(Tapikan, kira okay lah tu takat kena belasah, selalunya ramai kaum-kaum ni yang mati kena bunuh dek makbapak sebab menconteng permanent marker pen.Honour killing githoo)
d) Makcik pakiam telah di eksport balik ke Pakistan untuk di ubahsuai menjadi pompuan pakistan terakhir.Sampainya dia kat Pakistan, Makcik Pakiam telah dipaksa kahwin dengan supupu sparepart nya. Tu dia, lari dari mulut arnab, masuk pulak dalam mulut anjing...dia dikerjakan pulak oleh suami barunya.
e) Makcik Pakiam telah diselamatkan oleh mak sedara dia and diseludup balik ke UK. This is after 3 years. 3 tahun tu kena seksa.
f) dari mulut anjing, masuk pulak ke mulut babi.Lepas balik UK, kepala pun jadi bengong dek stress, Makcik Pakiam terus hisap dadah...berpelachoran...merampok kecil-kecilan, sampai dia kena tangkap.Anak dia dia ambik oleh Social Services and dia pulak masuk jail.Keluar jail...dia cuba nak bunuh diri tapi tak lepas.
g) Dia masuk sepital (my workplace no.2) Dah 3 tahun dia kena section.Mengikut file nya, kata dia dah ada improvement so recommended for discharge depending OT (occupational theraphy) and behavioural input program result.

Supervisor I cakap, dia tak ngam dengan orang-orang tua so they all rasa, I macam seswai lah nak kerja dengan dia.

Pastu I nampak satu note kecik, katanya Makcik Pakiam ni ada potential nak jadik arsonist and dia pernah nak membakar dirinya....alamak! Buatnya adalah benda I cakap dia tak suka, buatnya dia bakar rambut I yang ikal mayang ni camno?

But I am seeing her next week....let's just see.

Update

Thanks to YouTube, dapat le I menengok video berita sensasi pasal Si Kugan ittew...kesiannya kan? My only source of info about negara tumpah darahku is through Utusan, and if I wanted a more diversified info, maka bacalah sikit-sikit from Berita Harian, Star etc.But I hardly ever have time to read, let alone write...updating blog dah jadik macam masalah besar pulak sekarang ni.

The police lock-up where Kugan died is very near where MB lives...masa I masih duduk di Court 10, selalu jugak lah I jalan kaki beli nasik campur dalam van depan kedai repair kereta ittew. Obviously, I don't know what actually happened. Berita yang keluar kat TV Radio kenkadang pun tak boleh nak dipercaya sangat.Mulut orang lagi lah susah nak percaya...so apa nak dikata, baca ajelah, dengar ajelah cakap orang.

I don't have good experience with Malaysian Police...and bila diingat-ingat, boleh sakit jugak hati.They look so hard-up, obviously and understandably underpaid and the only way to make up for that area of dissatisfaction is to salahgunakuasa tak pun, menyombong macam nak gila.

Me and my cousin, pernah lah kena tahan pak polisi kat Bukit Bintang, I pun dah tak ingat sebab apa, but this Pakcik on motorbike stopped us. My cousin ni lah nak bawak kereta and tetiba, Pakcik ni datang ketuk tingkap, suruh we all pull out.Heran jugak we all..anak-anak dara sunti ni..(umur baru 18 gittew you...) This Pakcik bagi syarahan kat my cousin...and my cousin pulak dalam blur blur ittew, terpaksalah buat bodo aje and for no reason terus cakap 'Sorry la Tok'.

My friend once said, if we stop disagreeing and then we'll have lesser problem. True. The only downside of it is that, we will not win although there's a slightest possibility that we might. I have been using Bodakfone since 2000 and I will argue over the littlest thing on the bill I can see. The fact that they have now move their call centre to negara koliang mana tah, yang advisor-advisor nya macam robot dok repeat..yes madam,yes madam tah sudah-susah, gave me the upperhand to argue more and more. They must have hated me.

Bila I nampak Pak Polisi ni macam ada nak buli-buli kami gadis bawah umur ni, I pun cakaplah dengan dia, apa yang kita dah buat? (I pun really dah tak ingat ni) I explained and explained, try to stand corrected (given that I was a law student....matriculation baru) and try to seek justice lah konon nya...

I think, had I not questioned his decision or remark, he could have got away with some duit kopi...given that my cousin yang pengecut tu rela sungguh nak berpisah dengan duitnya (or she must be dead scared sebab dia pinjam tak cakap keta bapak dia)

Pak Polisi teruslah menjadi kumpulan Lipan Bara ( I swear to god, masa tu ada kumpulan rock gampang with similar name) ber brokbrek tak brake-brake.Not so much of what we could have done, but because I had menjawab him.He went on and on about how rude I was, that how teenagers like me think that I am so above board and know-it-all. Not only that, he also said that 'kita melayu' and some speech related to that. He pointed out our mistake was and that had we apologised to him, he would have forgive and forget.

Tu dia...demand pulak I mintak hampun tu.One thing for sure, an apology from a middle child is very,very rare.

In the later years...para Pak Polisi kat Malaysia pada am nya still failed to make a good impression.I used to work in a 5 star hotel and we have a list of clientele tak berbayar and one of them is Pak Polisi.Ada pak Polisi terang-terangan check in dengan tah mana budak sekolah during waktu kerja and bila weekend, checked in pulak dengan bini and anak-anak...melantak our weekend buffet.

Pak Polisi sometimes will stop people and search people over nothing. Ada sekali I dengan MB lapar tengah malam nak makan nasik lemak, pi lah drive kereta dekat dengan USJ2 Petronas tu, tak pasal-pasal kena tahan.Dah le kitorang pakai uniform dimalam hari lak tu i.e. baju tidur (plus MB tak pakai bra)

In the end after they realised that they had nothing to pin us on, Pak Polisi just cakap 'orang pompuan tak baik keluar memalam...'. Podah!!!!

I just hope si Kugan tu idak le mati dek dibelasah teruk dek Pak Polisi.Kesian...baru kena tangkap suspect curi kereta je.Bukan bunuh ke or rogol budak kecik.Kereta hilang pun insurance boleh bayar..takyah lah sampai nak bunuh-bunuh kan?

P/s Police kat sini, wah...dah le hensem...ber six pack...berhemah tinggi lak tu. And Thanks to you tube...dapatlah aku nengok 'Kisah Pramugara Melampau' 15 minutes action movie tu.Aparra org MAS, nak kongkek pun takleh tunggu bukak uniform ka dulu?

Small Print Information...or should be

One of my colleague (must mention, kat perkampungan Dorset ni...) complained that her boyfriend of few months dumped her because she had too many exes.She is 28 year old and in total (legal age to bermaksiat kat sini is 16) makcik ni ada dekat 11 exes.Given that everythng else was going well in their relationship, she couldn't understand what his problem was.

Makcik ni had many questions, plus a few theories of her own.She wondered if maybe he wanted an 'easy life' and wondered (feared more like) if she may be high maintenance, problematic etc etc yang negative because she'd gone through so many relationships.Obviously when she was telling me this, she protested that she wasn't 'hard work' and there were lot's of reasons why her previous relationships had failed (I ni takdelah pulak nak bertanya, kan?)

Makcik also wondered if he may have been a tradionalist and felt that she had slept with too may men, or he could even have felt threatened as a lover.

I suddenly terkenang kat kawan I, yang masa mudanya...boleh tahan jugak kebohsia'an nya.Ish..jahat mulut I.She is really a nice girl.It is just quite unfortunate that her relationships fell apart and (oopss) she slept with all of them...not at the same time lah, of course.When she was dating this guy, she must have been honest with him because this guy knew about her past i.e. whom/how many men she had sex with.There I was thinking, why must you ask? He told me that he thinks my friend is dirty...pasal dia tidur dengan semua exes nya.Weh, yang bercakapnya pun boleh tahan gak bohjan nya, not as if he is a virgin himself...but you know, men prefers kosher, walaupun diri sendiri dah berapa kali kena cross contaminations.Puaka betul.

Si Makcik Dorset ni became quite annoyed lah and wondered just how many exes would have been too many? It is interesting how a statement about having too many exes can throw up so many issues. We talked about whether her boyfriend may have thought that she simply showed poor judgement in her previous liaisons, and this could have impacted on their relationship.

Obviously, I am not the right person for her to ask for opinion...I only got one yang serious nya, pahtu dah mati pung still takleh get over.I feel like I have wasted 20 years over nothing, I could have tried berkawan dengan 2,3 orang...and experienced men perhaps more than just one...yang secara physical nya (wah sudahhhh) tak lebih dari swapping innocent DNA aje...,but hey, what we think or can think is totally different than what she can do or have done.

As we talked, we become more philosophical. Though we didn't settle on one reason why her previous exes had troubled her recent ex,she had unburdened some of her anxieties.I suggested that as he hadn't wanted to go into his reasons for breaking up, bar her exes.This reflected on his inability to express himself and could be a lesson that some people don't feel that they have to explain after only few months.

I told her that my current partner ada 41 exes.Given the age gap.Being bangang or immature that I am (still) suka jugak menanya...as much as I like to think that it doesn't bother me that much, the info is useful especially masa bergaduh for me to throw it back at the face.Looking at old photos with all of them looking so gorgeous make me question, what do you really see in me?

I do believe that although yang dah berkahwin beranak pinak pun, when exes are mentioned and especially bila kita tahu betapa agungnya kisah chenta Ali Setan they all tu, nak nak bila the exes lagi lawa dari kita, maka tergugat jugaklah self-esteem.From time to time, while we like to think that we are triumphant sebab, 'aku kahwin dah, beranak dah dengan dia...you are the past'...I'm afraid, kata-kata self-motivation cenggitu takkan cukupnya.

I think in the end we agreed that the biggest lesson was that less is more when it comes to discussing exes.Be very selective about your history.It maybe and usually is a good thing.After all, in the early phases,it should be all about the here and now for you and your new love.

It is not good to focus on the past. (Budak TKC ramai ex boyfriends kan? Confirmed bohsia)

Tales From Reading - Inside My Head

Saya telah berkahwin dengan kerani am di tempat kerja saya. Mula-mula hanya balas senyum aja dan after 2,3 bulan bertanya khabar and berkirim salam, saya memberanikan diri mengajak dia minum Nescafe Ice kat Bangsar, dekat dengan tempat kerja kami.Kami kawan tak lama..ye lah, saya kan eligible bachelor gittew...pompuan manalah yang tak nak.Setelah 5 tahun, tetiba saya rasa macam dah bohsan tahap cipan dengan arah tuju diri saya.Kami tak ada anak...tak taulah pasal apa...bini saya mandul kot? Saya mengamalkan kehidupan yang sihat...tapi bini saya tu selalu benar makan menda-menda bangang macam asam and kerepeks.Berbulan saya mememdam rasa...dan memakan apa saja.Serta merta saya naik debab...dan terus tak hensem.Lagilah saya sakit hati. Agaknya Tuhan mendengar rintihan saya, saya telah ditawarkan membuat PHD.Yes...there's a glimmer og hope, kata kepala hotak saya.Dalam masa 4 bulan saya buat preparation, buat visa and etc.Mak bapak saya nak buat kenduri doa selamat dan saya juga dah naik menggelabah.Semua orang Pandan Perdana dah tahu saya nak pergi Reading, kecuali bini saya.Saya pun dah cakap dengan semua orang yang kami akan berpisah...(tapi saya lupa pulak nak cakap dengan dia) Pada petang hari kenduri doa selamat tu, lepas makan tengahari, saya bagitau bini saya yang saya akan ke UK dalam masa 2 minggu.Dia tanya, berapa lama? Saya kata...mungkin 3,4 tahun.Muka dia macam blurr blurrr (selalu pun dia memang blurr, maklum lah sekolah tak pandai..macam saya) Dia tanya, kenapa you baru cakap sekarang...mana sempat nak buat preparation? Saya dengan cool cucumber nya kata...I pergi seorang.I nak bercerai dengan you.Saya pun memulakan syarahan saya...saya bagitahu dia, kita tak bahagia, kita tak sepadan...kita etc etc...yang semuanya negative.Sedap nya mulut saya cakap 'kita' padahal saya yang punya kerana.2 hari lepas tu, Bapak mertua saya datang rumah...tanya saya, apahalnya saya buat macam ni kat anak dia? Saya kata, saya buat apa yang terbaik untuk kami laki bini. Tak sampai 24 jam, mak bapak saya pulak dah dapat tau...ni mesti makbapak dia yang bagitahu.Saya cakap kat makbapak saya, ini hal rumahtangga saya.Saya ingatkan hal ini akan selesai macam saya beli ikan kat Sainsbury's saja...banyak jugak drama nya.Selepas dikacau/hamun/maki and digertak oleh sedara-mara bini saya, saya pun dengan kejamnya suruh dia tinggalkan rumah saya (saya sorang tau yang bayar mortgage, dia masuk rumah bawak beg aje)

Dalam masa 2 minggu tu, dalam sibuk berpacking-packing, saya pun buat lah report kat pejabat kadi, orang jantan macam saya ni nak bercerai senang aje...masa ni saya rasa macam duduk atas pokok kelapa aje.Bongkak sungguh.Kalau hati dah tak chenta..senanglah nak bercerai kan? Selalunya orang jantan mana pun akan bersimpati bila dah buat naya kat bini sendiri..tapi saya pulak rasa macam Suria Perkasa Baja Hitam (ye ke ni? Saya main bantai) Dulu ex gf saya, bila nak break off dengan saya macam selamba aje...saya yang berfrust menonggeng bertahun lamanya.So sekarang inilah masanya saya nak break off dengan bini saya. Kami dah tak happy...buat apa lagi nak menyeksa diri...(ni semua kata kepala saya)

Bila masuk mahkamah, bini saya buat-buat cerita Tamil Elam lah pulak..nangis-nangis. Ingatkan bila dah sign surat tu, habis lah cerita.Takkkkkk. Bini saya buat tuntutan harta sepencarian.Hek ellehhh...apa kes? Rumah tu saya punya, kereta saya punya..savings apa harta dalam rumah tu semuanya saya punya.

Disebabkan saya bengang betul dia nak menuntut harta saya, saya pun postpone lah lafaz cerai...saya nak ajar bini saya tu jangan pepandai nak jadik Heather McCartney nak kikis segala harta saya.

Lepas saya pergi UK, bini saya terus pindah masuk balik rumah saya...cis, kalaulah saya tahu, saya dah tukar kunci.Lawyer saya kata, pasal kami belum sah bercerai (mengikut kata paper legal nya plus saya pun belum 'jangan lafaz kan nya' lagi) maka dia tak ada sebab yang tidak membolehkan dia masuk and tinggal dirumah saya.Lawyer saya kata, kalau saya nak bercerai sangat, dalam court ada satu session lafaz cerai and satu lagi...tuntutan harta.

Wah....pandai betul bini saya tu main politik ye? Obviously kerana saya ni bangang walaupun sekarang saya tengah buat PHD, saya memang tak nak bercerai dengan reta benda saya.See, saya tinggalkan bini saya tanpa nafkah, pastu saya tangguh pulak proceeding nak melafaz cerai pasal saya tak nak dia menuntut harta sepencarian.

Last week, saya dapat notis mahkamah...isteri saya mintak fasakh...(cehhh, padanlah muka saya) and the request came with other tuntutan berupa harta-harta saya.Bengang betul saya...maka bertambah kuatlah saya makan...adding stones to the present weight.

Saya mintak nasihat orang kat Social Services itu....katanya, if you're not happy just let go.Materials can be re create and re amass but emotional burden need to be reduce and rid off, katanya.I want to prove her wrong...eleh...belajar pun takat degree dengan add math tak pass, cakap banyak lak.

I still can't see why I have to put up with all these....the Social Worker is not answering her mobile (as always) and I am desperate to get away from this mess, without having to part with my harta (my ego more like)

I emailed/texted her.Nak buat surprise visit, Cik Twickenham tu dah kena posting kat Dorset pulak sekarang ni.She replied my text 'do what you need to do' katanya. I sungguh tak paham (walaupun I budak pandai)

Help me.

(Makji Esah's definition of 'do what you need to do' ialah....face up to your responsibility.If leaving her is what you want and intended to, then just do it.She is your wife and she deserve what she deserved.Be a man, you can't always win.)

Telingaku Dipanah Petirrrrrr...........

Ni nak bagitau sikit kat scandal I yang dah terasa diri dia glamer sesangat pasal baru keluar TV rancangan 'Jalan-Jalan Cari Tudung Pasar Malam' segmen terajang ittew....ye, aku terima text messages mu ittew...pastu lintang pukang diriku iniew pi look up email address miew ittew untuk di add kan dalam my YM messenger...yelah, kalau boleh melabun dengan Pakcik Gila, tak kan nak ber YM dgn aku pun tak sodeee kan? (Not to mention, extra marital affair gaya YM ni, susah nak kantoi)

Ye, mobile phone ku bill nya dibayar oleh kompeni....so, aku sungguh segan silliew lah nak melenjan bill nya.Kang kalau accountant check itemised bill, kene query pulak...eh, makji, sejak bila Makji ada patient kat Malaysia ni.Uols jangan tak tau, mulut pompuan-pompuan account department company I ngalahkan p*ki.Kalau hantar email nak query expenses I tu, bukannya takat hantar untuk my sole attention aje, dibantai nya cc copy segala orang.Tak ke habis reputasiku nanti?

Speaking of reputasi, lupalak I nak bagitau, masa I bersosialan dengan gang babi haram tu, sempatlah jugak bertukar-tukar nomor telifun.The Ustaz dengan takde segan silliew nya mintak nomor I...masa bersosialan tu I ada dapat text message from MB, so semestinya orang dah tahu I ada mobile phone and tak bolehlah nak menipu kata takde telepon.Alasang Ustaz tu, katanya kalau ada majlis keagamaan, dia akan undang I.Dah jadik tanggungjawabnya, dia kata, and I wajib mengutamakan perintah yang atas (ni I copy kata-kata dia ni)

Sebenarnya you all...dalam majlis sosialan kami tu, ada banyak jugak kata-kata yang keluar dari mulutnya yang bisa membuatkan I bertukar menjadi gajah liar dan rasa memijak badan dia tu.Sedap betul dia mengeluarkan komen-komen macam bagus dia, padahal dia tu taklah kenal I ni siapa...(by the way Desert Rose, mana pulak datang idea yang aku ni kerabat Diraja neh?)

Antara komen-komen nya yang menyayat hati....

a) Yang I ni dah terlampau westernised...cakap and berfikir pun macam omputih. Boleh tu dia menambah yang I ni kena ingat yang I ni zahir batin melayu and Islam
b) Yang I ni mengejar dunia sangat...berkejar-kejar berkerja sana sini...melupakan mak ayah
c) Yang I lalai dalam menghayati ajaran Islam...

Adalah a few lagi comments...I pun tak ingat sangat dek menyampah nya.I senyum aje mendengar kata-kata nya walaupun seluruh badan I macam dah kena general anaesthathic uolssss.

Kadang-kadang orang ni uols, bila kita diam, dia akan ingat kita ni bodo ke ataupun dia tu yang extra betul.Orang yang diam tu tak bermakna they all tak nak melawan you.I don't know them...Kak Katak tu pun kenal-kenal macam tu, ada jugak hit and miss nya.

So semalam I dapat text messages (satu I dapat dari org yang baru keluar Tv ittew pukul 4.30 am UK Time...) and satu lagi dari Ustaz tu yg I tak perasan pukul berapa ( I ni ada issue sikit dengan telephone you, I selalu ingat bila phone bunyi tu phone org lain and I takdelah sesusah nak angkat)

Ustaz ni khabor kat I, yang ada majlis bacaan yassin and solat munajat kat Mesjid kat WhiteChapel tu. I wajib datang katanya...sebab ini untuk Palestine.Katanya lagi sebagai orang Islam, I wajib membuat ibadat untuk saudara seislam I.

I think dekat-dekat nak petang tu Ustaz telipon I, tanya attendance I...masa tu baru I ingat I lupa naj jawab message dia, I pun kata, tak dapat hadirlah kekasih...(ceh berlagu...) pasal I jauh dari London.

'You ni macam tak bersungguh aje nak beribadat. Saya yang kena ingat kan...you ni nak komited ke tidak? (Bila pulak aku ni agree nak masuk geng tarbiyyah dia ni?) Kita ni jangan nak berkira dengan Tuhan (I am certain he is referring to my excuse for being far from London) orang lain sanggup naik kereta nak ke Mekah, biarpun berbulan.'

'Ni lah susahnya bila orang dah terasa diri mereka tu lengkap, cukup harta dunia...rasa dah pandai sangat sebab mereka tu ada degree.Semayang 5 waktu saja tak ckup...brok brek brok brek................................'

Now you tell me....macam mana pulak aku boleh tercampur dengan orang macam ni ni?

Kemusykilan Perdana

1. Ni sumpah bukan statement bongkak ye you all, tapi I betul-betul tak paham apasal lah ramai betul yang extra taksub dengan Barrack Obama menjadik President? Especially Mat-Mat & Minah gagaks ni...punyalah clear statement masing-masing...history la..apa la...

Okaylah..he is the first non-white US president....tak ke si gagaks ni perasan yang Obama ni bukanlah 100% gagak? I ni bukanlah nak kata hapa you all...okay lah..bila menkaji sejarah betapa terseksanya they all tu masa zaman dedolukala (see..jaman dedolukala) memanglah bila orang tak putih berjaya jadik President kat negara yang predominantly putih tu dikira sejarah besar.Tapi yang tak bestnya, bila isu-isu kehitaman they all tu dibesar-besarkan...

Teruk sangat ke nasib orang hitam ni? Yang I tau, orang hitamlah yang paling racist sekali...kalau nak memaki hamun tu harus make a statement..don't mess with my black ass lah..tu lah, dia sendiri yang meracist remark kan diri nya...tu tak termasuk geng-geng anak-anak gagak yang kerja nya serata alam ni menikam orang, menjual dadah..and membuat bising dalam bas!

2. I baca dalam Utusan yang Norman Hakim & Memey pi Mahkamah Syariah pakai baju satu set lagi siap posing-posing ayu depan photographer...'Kami tak Bersalah'. Mana perginya kemaluan mereka dah tertangkap basah satu Malaya dah tau tu? I'm sure orang lain yang kena tangkap basah ke, kering ke mau kalau boleh tutup sampai mata buta tak nampak jalan tak nak bagi orang tau, tup-tup si dua orang ni macam Pesta Golden Globes lah pulak.Talking about masa kena gossip tak ngaku berchenta! Chit!!!!

3. Kesian sesiapa yang kerja gomen kat Seremban tu kena paksa pakai all black...berkabung lah kununnya...whilst Tuanku Jeff punya cucunda...berpesta Ria kat Sultan lounge last Friday. Yang jadik DJ (anak kepada anak nombor 4) yang berjoget lambak (anak kepada anak nombor 1,2 &5) and menurut sumber-sumber gossip asli I, ada 4 orang cucu Tuanku Jeff kat party tu.Well I suppose they all punya alasan is that..kami tengah bersedih....(macam orang yang mabuk2 bila despressed!)

4. You remember my post about Pilah & Co? Kan ke salah sorang cucunda Tuanku Jeff berkawan dengan sorang Social Worker satu jabatan (opis no 2) dengan I? Khabarnya si Mamat ni, kawin dengan orang putih...and sekarang kerja kat London.They all ada rumah dekat-dekat dengan rumah si F and they called it 'Islington Palace'. When I was at workplace no.2 (ye you all..hari I keluar dengan gang babi haram tu) I bumped into this Social Worker. Kitorang chat-chat lah, and he told me about his fren punya grandad's passing.I sebenarnya tau tapi punyalah nak gossip, buat-buatlah tatau supaya dapatlah aku dengar cerita.This Social Worker guy told me (well actually he was passing comments) how his fren told him how his family was robbed of the throne, blaming political influence and dirty trick played by his grandad's distant relative who is now the proclaimed King. Dalam hati I...punyolah Pilah tak soda dighi....boleh dia panggil Yamtuan Muhriz tu 'distant relative'? Padahal apak sedagho eh...peh tu di koba eh pulak konon eh takhto kajaan nogoghi tu di ghompak from kuago eh.Cam cilako aje statement tu.Si Social Worker of course lah take pity to his fren cucunda Yamtuan Jeff ni.I pun purak-purak lah kesian...nak aje I cerita sejarah Yamtuan Jeff tu, tapi takut pulak si Social Worker ni pergi menyampaikan...tau-tau masuk hitlist aku.

5. I ni takut ular you all....tapi tah hapa angin pulak, I agreed to joined MB's watching 'Snake In The Plane' hari tu. Hah kau...everytime I nak poei terkoncing...I ghaso macam ada ular nak timbul dari lubang jamban tu...gundah gulana I you all.Ular pulak dalam movie tu semua (ada beribu ekor lah tu) speed patukan nya 100 kmp/h and bersize Syanie complete dengan kulit berkilat-kilat and muka-muka ganas.Ni mau I akan ingat adegan ular patuk-mematuk tu for the next few weeks.Takde penyakit cari penyakit kan?

Besok I update lagi...daaaa.

The 2nd Ghost (s)

I have always been a fan of arial size 12 font. And now that I know how to change the font (pidahhh...orang lain dah lama dah tau, aku barulah nak start menggodek-godek blogger's customisation)maka from today, I'll be writing in size 12 arial font.

I arrived back from Dorset on Thursday, demi nak menyelebrate birthday MB yang ke 43.Yes you all, dah 43 umoq nya tapi kami-kami ni menten lah muda and jelita tanpa unsur-unsur chemical yang jenis cocok-mencocok ittew.I think we are just lucky that menda-menda like Oil of Olay is cheap compared to the prices of segala maknenek cream muka yang dijual kat Watson tu.Kesian you all.

I received a 2nd message from the ghost...kali ni bukanlah surat ke hapa, but when I walked into my 2nd opis (the sepital) I saw a message written for me dari Kak Katak yang I dah lama tak dengar cerita tu.See, she has been off my radar for months now, ye lah..aku kan ke sombong? So I assumed that people like her will not be bothered anymore lah.Bukanke orang-orang ber PHD ni set-set yang akan rubbing shoulder dengan pakar-pakar ilmiah jugak? I ni apa lah yang tahu, selain dari gossip-gossip yang tak berhasil. It is very obvious that my only function in our 'persahabatan' ialah for me to get the info that she needs.Being the orang melayu that she is, macam I, kalau nak apa-apa, kalau boleh nak approach friendly faces aje.I selalu pesan dengan student-student yang I jumpa, you all kalau nak apa-apa dengan authority ni, jangan takut-takut, cakap aje lah.I ada jumpa 2,3 trainee psychiatrist/psychologist from Malaysia, semua set-set malu-malu kucing parsi.Malu tapi menyombong! Macam mana nak kerja dengan patient-patient terpeleot kepala otak kalau kita sendiri pun tak mampu untuk menyesuaikan diri dengan keadaan (hura-hara) kenkadang?

Kak Katak was told by my sepital colleague yang since last November, memang susah nak jumpa I lah, pasalnya I dah kena hantar tempat lain tapi sebab I ada 2,3 patient from Twickenham yang dah kena section kat that sepital and the Team masih lagi tak nak discharge diorang from our care, maka nak tak nak, every 2 week or bila-bila emergency, terpaksalah I tunjuk muka.But Kak Katak went ahead and left me a message and tetiba pulak, yesterday I was told she was around jumpa her Uni supervisor, yang juga Consultant Neurologist kat sepital tempat I kadang2 visit tu.

So we met and I belanja her kopi kat cafe sepital tu. I thought new year dah ni, I patutlah make an effort, manalah tau kalau-kalau dia ni berguna juga untuk dipergunakan..macam I mempergunakan budak TKC bila I ada emergency orthodontic problem ittew...

I was free and that she ajak me pergi jumpa sayang dia yang dah menunggu untuk makan malam bersama-sama kat Bonda tu.Nasib baik I bergaduh dah 2 minggu dengan si Tua, so I pun takdelah nak terkejar-kejar balik ngadap dia kan? I told her that I segan nak jumpa laki and kawan laki dia, in fact, I ni memang segan nak jumpa sesiapa pun...kalau tak geng lah.Dia dengan confident (tahap meluat ni) cakap kat I 'kita ni, kalau duduk oversea melayu pun kenalah bercampur jugak'. Nak sindir I ke Kak oii? You tau tak I pun ramai jugak kawan melayu yang lain...just because I tak kenal sangat puak2 Paddington/Bayswater/Sussex Garden tu? Tapi, I diam aje. Kak Katak punyalah gigih nak I jumpa sangat dengan sayang dia tu (by the way, tak hensem Kiah..emsem lagi laki kau), dia sanggup ajak sayang dia tu turun kat Ladbroke Grove to meet up with us.Lagi susahlah Makji nak berambus, you all.

The sayang came with a guy they both jokingly referred to as Ustaz. This mamat adalah ciri-ciri Ustaz pun but speaking of which, bukanke goatee tu dah menjadi pesen even ke Mamat Gagak sekalipun? They all nak cari tempat makan yang halal (understandable lah kan?) puas berjalan dalam sejuk but tak jumpa, kalau ada pun, they assume it's Halal pasal kedai Pak Arab...ye lah tu.I cakap kat they all, makan Fish & Chips saja lah...and Ustaz terus sampuk 'minyak dia goreng tu halal ke? Bukan ada goreng savaloy sekali yang babi haram tu?' Tu dia...sempat add word 'haram' kat babi yang budak kecik pun tahu haram.Punyalah religious nya....sujudddd!!!!

Nak cari makan petang tu macam nak menyelesaikan masalah Israel & Palestine lah payahnya.I dare not suggest anything (mulut I dah ringan sungguh) and let the man and the Ustaz memikirkan masalah kedai manakah kat Kensington ni yang minyak masaknya tak contaminated dengan babi haram tu.Dipersimpangan dilema jugak I...kang I nak suggest, McDonald's...sah-sah lah ayam katok.Hati I cakap, good luck to you lah, ni bukannya Seberang Takir ke, Seri Menanti ke...sah-sah nya ini UK yang 70% populationnya kaffir (pandai kan I Makji Eton..kan ke soklan ni keluar kat Life in the UK test aritu?)

Last-last, makan cakes and muffin aje you all...kat Costa Cafe tu. mintak-mintak dalam hati janganlah Ustaz tu pi cakap 'mana lah tahu, cream kat dalam coffee ni dibuat dari sel-sel gelatin dari daging babi haram...' maunya I menjerit you all.

Topic perbincangan we all...selain dari topic-topic Politics Malaysia yang boring (yang juga I tak tau apa-apa) is about masalah Islam serata donia.Lagi lah Makji Esah yang pernah gi umrah ni fail.The Ustaz turned out to be a Malaysian yang dah lama bermastautin kat UK (yang sampai sudah pun aku tak tahu apa kerja nya)

I secretly think the Ustaz enjoyed being the centre of attention, bila dia bercakap soal Israel and Islam...although it was very obvious his knowledge about kaum Hebrew sungguhlah ceteknya.With all the 'masya allah' 'laknatullah' added to his sentences, I rasa macam ber usrah pulaklah kat kedai kopi tu.

Because I tak banyak cakap (malas nak menjawab sebenarnya) the Ustaz focussed all his syarahan-syarahan tarbiyyah at me.There I was thinking, we have passed Assar and Maghrib, takde pulak I dengar this Ustaz excuse himself nak balik semayang ke.Dia tetap berpokpek 'haram jadah Yahudiii....' 'pukimak Lina Joy'. Allah forbid dia ni ditugaskan menjadi pendakwah..tak berkenan betul I dengan choices of words dia tu.

My father is quite a religious man.He went to Makkah3,4 times.He prays...he mengaji...and he can mengaji wihout pandang Quran.We were brought up well however, what I do now shouldn't reflect his effort of bringing us up as a good Muslim.I tak adalah macam Ustaz, Kak Katak and her sayang yang semayang 5 waktu.Nor that I berani mati pi taruk 'non practising muslim' kat Facebook profile I ke, hapa-hapa internet profiler I, macam puaka orang Pilah tu (kan, Cik Sarip Dol?) but enough to know mana yang tak betul and mana yang masih boleh dibetulkan.

I just hope that if ever I jumpa Ustaz tu lagi...I will have enough courage to correct his wrong facts and to show him that being over religious is not an excuse to persecute orang-orang khilaf macam I ni.

And I still don't like TKC.

Update

Some of my clients/patients are blessed with the ability to manipulate. Manipulate lah apa-apa or siapa-siapa without getting caught (to them lah..macamlah I ni tak tau) and without causing big-big drama.

I certainly generated more than usual comments for my ‘message from the grave’ post and I am sure if it was me reading it and not writing it, like Si N bukan nama sebenar tu, I akan membuat demand besar-besar jugak nak tahu apa dalam surat tu.Terima kasih lah you all for the comments yang tak terjawab dek I dek banyaknya...maklumlah bukak blog pun kat opis dalam keadaan terketar-ketar takut orang nampak.Rasa macam nak kerja kat HUKM aje, ada bilik sendiri..ada katil sendiri.....

Menitik jugaklah air mata I…and kalau lah tak kerna diriku yang terlampau banyak kerja ni, mau jugak rasanya sampai hari ni menangis.

Ada 2,3 patient I yang jadik gila kerana chenta…I am saying it is just 2 or 3, the fact that it is plenty yang dalam secure unit tu yang terpeleot kepala hotak nya memanglah ramai…but I am just fortunate to know only just 2,3. I think dah tinngal 2 kot sebab ada satu jantan ni dah mati…alcohol abuse, dek kerana tak tertanggungnya seksa hati ditinggalkan bini. Memikirkan dia, sebak hati I. Bininya dah bahagia berlaki baru…laki lama masuk sepital…merana bertahun-tahun and in the end, terus my heart will go on (my new name for sakit jantung…cardiac arrest macam dah boring lah you all)

When I discussed him with my friend (ni yang tak kerja line yang sama) semua kata ‘ala…bangang mamat tu, satu pergi 10 mari lah…yang pergi menyeksa diri sampai mati buat apa?’ Tu diah…mudah nya mulut berkata-kata.

In this blog, tak terkata banyaknya I mengutuk si ex chenta hati I tu…the crime he committed before and after, enough to make anyone menyampah gila. Adakalanya I pun menyampah gila jugak…nak nak bila memikir banyaknya masa yang dah terbuang, banyaknya (ye ke?) peluang yang terlepas and seksanya perasaan. Think through, lepas dipecat serta-merta jadi girlfren nya dengan tak ada notis, I became single emotionally. Ada jugak jantan yang datang dan pergi…yang ku layan dan yang ku bolayan dan permain-main kan (spare your judgement hah, Kiah..kau pun sama)

Allow him to come back and messed me up for the 2^nd time, and in the end, still was not chosen bukankah dah cukup petanda yang jantan tu memang tak ndak dengan you lagi? Siapa yang merana? Aku jugak kan? Okay….enough is enough lah. England here I come and bye-bye you. A decision need to be made, I can’t move on with him being around.

Literally 2 years ago I did moved on, I married someone else. But like said, I never stop talking and thinking about him. He was the first. I am just terrified of the thought that he was the only. My therapist keep telling me to make peace with myself and this will speed the moving on process.I tried. Like any other abuse victim (not that I am saying that I am) to get away from the claw of the abuser is something that will NOT succeed overnight. Ada tu yang abuser dah duduk dalam jail pun, sidianya masih takut lagi nak pergi kedai tepi rumah beli susu sebab takut si abuser nya akan datang menjelma. The theory is right, if you are still scared , it is because you allow yourself to be.

This man is already dead. When he is still around, without even having to try hard, he still finds his way to manipulate me.I hang on to his every words although deep down I knew that it is just like a music to my ears. I know that I have allowed myself to be his victim and to be manipulated, speaking of kerelaan hati sendiri. And because of that I can’t move on.

I like to share his letter but it will make me sad.I am done with being sad (kononnnya lah sekarang ni) and therefore, buat masa ni I terpaksalah mengamalkan konsep kedekut or pandai makan, pandailah simpan. But suffice to say that there is nothing you could not guess. ‘I love you’ ‘I don’t mean to hurt you’ ‘You’re the one, you’re the only one and you’re amazing’ ‘I am sorry’. What is there to hope for?

Lastly…(ni takde kena mengena dengan surat arwah tu) ni nak lah bagi tahu kat orang2 N9, betapa tak adilnya kerajaan negeri kita yang suruh kita ni semua berkabung 100 hari ye? Tak kasik clubbing lah…suruh baca yassin, quran dopopat jam lah…all the majlis kena postpone la…sebab Tuanku Jeff baru mangkat. Ni bagitahu kat anak cucu Tuanku Jaafar, datuk lu mati..lu lah yang kena puasa pergi party…apasal pulak orang lain? Tak ada maknanya you suruh orang satu negeri berkabung tapi cucu Tuanku Jaafar, 3 orang pergi berclubbing tak hengat. Ayoyo..adek…tak baca yassin ke? Ni bukan gossip ni…kisah benar. Puaka punya anak-cucu.

Tengok macam Makji ni…ada sedara dekat ninggal, setahun Makji takut pi karaoke, respect punya pasal.

Wassalam.

Message From The Grave

Tu diah tajuk posting...ala-ala cerita Twillight Zone lah pulak!!! Tapi tak ada nya lah intipati yang akan menakutkan you all, I ni..tengok cerita hantu pun takut apa lagi nak buat cerita-cerita jangan cucuk belakang gittew.

I baru-baru ni adalah dapat email dari sahabat lama.Zaman-zaman UMIST, zaman-zaman Sheffield. Berita dari sahabat lama for me is not always a good thing.Ye lah, sahabat lama bukan ke membawa cerita lama jugak, kan Kiah? Nak-nak pulak set-set sahabat yang juga bersahabatan dengan kekasih lama.Ni kira sahabat kekasih lama I lah ni...yang I dah puluhan tahun tak jumpa.You all tahu lah kan...set-set kawan-kawan yang dimport dari sebelah boifren you i.e. your boyfriend punya gang yang secara automaticnya jadi kawan you jugak.

Satu bahaya nya kengkawan jenis import ni ialah bila kita bergaduh dengan pakwe/makwe kita, diorang pun akan bergaduh dengan kita juga, although not always literally tapi...this is the situation where people will judge where your loyalty stands. Like always, jantan punya loyalty is unquestionable lah...sedangkan girlfriend pun diorang boleh share, so walaupun boyfriend you berperangai puaka and they know it, jangan haraplah dia akan bersimpati dengan you.Kalau ada pun yang simpati...bila last-last nanti adalah adegan terambil kesempatan, ye lah mentang-mentang perempuan tu vulnerable.Hish jantan..kawan or tak kawan memang susah nak dipercaya...

This guy is a friend of my ex.Kawan baik ke tak baik I pun tak tahu lah...but one thing for sure masa depa all ni student dahulu kala, boleh main share-share baju lagi.I'm sure they do more than lending their baju to one another.The likeability of si jantan dua orang ni mempropah pompuan-pompuan tak berdosa cam I ni untuk kebaikan mereka sendiri memang lah takleh dinafikan. Seingat I, si jantan ni lah dulu yang selalu jawab telepon kata si aruah my ex ni sibuk lah, dalam lab lah...mandi lah, all that alasans yang satu ketika dahulu kedengaran sungguh genuine.

Meh sini Makji nak bagitau you all adik-adik yang berboifren jantan-jantan yang selalu sibuk ni.Kalau you all telefon and your boyfriend's housemate dok kata dia mandi, percayalah maybe the 1st and 2nd time that your boifren tengah genuinely mandi. Jantan ni selalunya malas mandi.Gosok gigi sebelum tido pun malas. Kalau 10 kali telepon 10 kali mandi...ada kemungkinan, dia mandi dengan pompuan lain ataupun sibuk mengelakkan diri dari you all.

This guy is the same guy yang bagitau I si Ex ni dah mati...and that si Ex ni ada tinggalkan surat untuk I. Tapi masa baru-baru (mati) tu, I takdelah nak layan sangat.Ye lah, orang dah mati buat apalah nak dikenang.(Buat menyeksa batin aku aje) Lagipun I sangsi jugak...dalam pada dia sakit tu, ada ke kudrat nak menulis surat bagai? Kalau ada pun, bukankah baik kalau tenaga yang tinggal tu digunakan kejalan yang betul...tulis surat kat anak dia ke..baca yassin ke kan?

I keep ignoring his email.I have severed all ties to my past (that past lah) so sesiapa yang terlibat dalam jerat perchentaan 10 tahun I dengan si Aruah tu, memang tak akan dapat lah trace I lagi.All my close friends pun have sworn to secrecy..except Si Aizee (matilah..name and shame) tapi you pun ada good reason kan, Zee? Ye lah, kalau Aizee tak bagi email address I kat jantan ni, sampai sudah pun I tak kan tau aruah tu dah mati.

So, Pakcik ni since boxing day dah hantar email kat I, which I only managed to picked up last week. Katanya dia ada kirim barang untuk I and suruh I pi contact sipolan ni. I tak jawap email dia and thought, biarlah.Karang tah hapa-hapa pulak lah barang...buatnya dia seludup dadah, tak ke naya I masuk jail macam pompuan-pompuan Malaysia kat overseas jail tu? Tak kuasalah I...

But once the thought of barang is in my head (materialistik yang amek), maka hati tu ada jugaklah tertanya-tanya.I try to think positively as I can...macam, ye lah..agaknya mamat ni rasa berdosa dengan I, bukanke satu masa dahulu dia ni konco-konco my ex, yang tahu segala activity luar and dalam darjah si my ex ni.Or, he is just being nice...ye lah...I ni kan bekas makwe kawannya, and sikawan nya tu dah mati, so maybe rasa kesian lah kot.

2,3 hari jugaklah I fikir whether or not to jawab email dia.Tapi last-last, dia hantar I another email cakap, kawannya si stewardess MAS tu dah balik KL pun tapi bungkusan tu ada ditinggalkan kat hotel.

So last Saturday, I was at that hotel (gigih ni..nak collect barang punya pasal) in HSK yang largely populated by steward/stewardess tu.Ada lah satu envelope cinonet for me (panas hati I..ingatkan adalah pack XXL ke or intan berlian gittew)

Guess what.....dalam envelope itu ada

a) A letter handwritten by Sham (kompem asli oooohh)
b) A note from kawan dia (si despatch tak bertauliah tu)
c) A CD, with all our songs.

It was meant for my 35th birthday....last year.

Mak..........rasa nak nangis!!!!

Update

Setelah puas berjoli sakan selama 2 minggu tak hengat kat London, I dah pun kembali ke Dorset tempat tumpah air hingusanku ini…semalam masa I menulis report, between certain-certain dates tu, I propah kata I buat lawatan kat Sepital-Sepital serata West London (tempat bernaungnya my patient yang telah di section under MHA 3). Yang betul nya, I jenguk 2 sepital aje, yang lagi satu Sepital (bukan hospital sebenar) tu kat area Bayswater, boleh kau menipu cam gitu sekali? I pi bercemolot sakan dengan 2 jenjantan pahtu I cakap kat Boss I buat kerja luar opis.

You all (especially kau Kiah!!!!) janganlah sesekali ingat I ni selalu menipu company I and mengular sewaktu bekerja…takde you. I ni sungguhlah muslimah sejati bila masuk bab-bab kerja ni.Apa kata orang tu, bekerja itukan satu ibadah…(kurang ajar la kan..ibadah yang wajib nya tak buat!!!!) Kiranya, if I want to look at my work as the ibadah, it is as similar as semayang 5 waktu, tapi I buat 2 atau 3 aje. Yang lainnya, I memonteng. Macam orang yang kerja kat Sepital Besar tu…kerja adalah 4 jam yang seriusnya..yang selebihnya dia tido.Kalaulah tempat kerja I ada kerusi hempuk like that I pun akan tidur jua…Cuma nya, tempat kerja I ni, kalau nak tidur kang, buat nya masa tulah patient-patient nak menggila, tak ke nanti I ni mati dalam tidur????

I juga ingin memohon mahap kepada sesiapa yang cuba telepon I…mobile phone I tertinggal kat Opis I yang kat Twickenham tu. Oleh kerna tiadanya mobile phone, I juga tak dapek nak tipun sesiapa pasal, ye lah..kita ni dah kena manja dengan segala speed dial dalam telepun tu, so I tak akan ingat nombor phone orang lain. Mintak hampun laa….

On my first day return to Dorset, salji telah turun dengan mencurah-curah dah menyusahkan perjalanan I. let me tell you, salji ni hanya chantekkk bila dia turun banyak-banyak and putih berseri…tapi, bila dia dah start mencair, habis lecak and mengotorkan telekung aje (kat sesiapa yang pergi semayang kat sojid tu)

I have to walk from Dorchester train station to my Dorset workplace…it is quite a long walk tapi I suka jalan kaki…yelah, semenjak cuaca sejuk ni, my tabiat makan pun berubah, as if I can eat for England gittew…habislah cita-cita ku nak jadi ramping macam Girls Aloud. Walking at the same time salji turun sangatlah seksa, especially bila you hanya memakai trainers saja.So terpaksalah I jalan ber speedkan siput babi sambil control ayu hoping that I tak kan jatuh tergolek tergelincir dek salji turned ice ittew. Perjalanan yang selalunya will take 20 minutes for me alih-alih jadi dekat 45 minutes, mana salji masuk bijik mata…mencairkan Max Factor foundation ku (promo make up brand, boleh?) Ada jugak jejantan gagah yang jalan sungguh cool nya passes me by. Seeing them walking macam takde masalah (ye lah, masing-masing tu pakai boot, mana tak jalan dengan confident nya) membuatkan hatiku menjerit..ohh Abang, berikahlah dahan untuk ku berpaut…although quite literally I am referring the dahan as his lengan but I am certain that Kiah is thinking his appendage…well endowed appendage.

I managed to fix my laptop…wah syukurnya!!! But buat masa tu, aku tak le kuasa nak mengangkutnya kesana kemari, so it stays in London for now.

I would also like to thank those yang sungguh baik hati, showering me with compliments…liking this blog, and what is in it. To those yang baru terperasan akan konsep ke Sri Siantanan I, had you notice my earlier posts (bukan 3,4 bulan kebelakangan ni..) I selalu juga menjawab pertanyaan berupa soklan-soklan gangguan emosi. Ye lah…time-time I selalu jumpa patient-patient.

For those yang hantar email memintak nasihat yang I belum lagi jawab…sabar lah ye.nanti ada masa and bila Boss tak Nampak, I akan cuba jawab kemusykilan you all.

Selamat Tahun Baru kepada Cik M, her laki and 3 daughters kat Kedah nun…..

Questions & Answers

Question 1. Cik Ruby, Tidakkkkkk.....saya bukanlah budak TKC.You got to be really pandai macam Dentist kat UKM tu or Nutritionist kat Nestle or Lawyer kat Wisma Denmark tu, if you nak masuk TKC. I ni tergolong dalam category TBP, takberapapandai and did not get 5a's in my standard 5 assessment test.So, bye bye TKC. Hello Sek Men IJ Convent, Jalan Datuk Bandar Tunggal.

Question 2. The Negeri Sembilan's Ruler, apparently married girls from the same household.Father...DYMM Tuanku Abdul Rahman wed Tunku Khursiah (Sister A), DYMM Tuanku Munawir wed Tunku Durah (Sister B) and DYMM Tuanku Jaafar wed Tunku Najihah (Sister C). Sister A,B and C father is Tunku Burhanuddin who is the son of Tuanku Antah. Although they have a same father, their omak mesti lain-lain.Biasalah...jantan bilo dah kayo, ramai bini eh.I think, Sister A and B, got the same mother while sister C is from the 2nd mother.Another fact that I know is Sister C's eldest daughter marries her eldest brother's (from their father's 1st wife) son.So, Cik Gee..hope this answers your question.

Question 3. Cik Noor, No, you do not inherit penyakit mental.It is very unfortunate to have a family member who suffers from Schizophrenia.But common cause is a chemical imbalance in one's body.Smoking cannabis may induce this, but you just don't produce schizophrenia babies just because your or your partner's or your forefathers has schizophrenia.From what you describe, your son may have Asperger Syndrome, but it is very early to tell for a 4 years old boy.Can I also tell you that I am not a qualified clinician thus I cannot diagnose any unusual behaviour.Behaviour and diagnosis are two separate entities.While a child should behave like a child much to their parents chagrin,we really have to let the nature runs its course.Anak yang lasak dan pelik perangainya tidak menjanjikan Anakku Sazali bila dia dewasa. With all the luck, he may transform into Raihan's boy. He is only 4, biarlah dia memecah pinggan mangkuk Cik Noor yang mahal-mahal tu and menerajang bapaknya.I would, if I could introduce a firm boundaries...as much as you want to love and educate your child, fact must beknown to a child is that you are the parents and you are in control.The problem with the newage and old age parents is they all suka benar buat comparison.Every children ada individuality, bak kata orang biar bersakit-sakit dahulu.If I may share, I am not a dreamchild either when I was lot younger. Apart from ada MCS (middle child syndrome), I shied away and isolated myself.But if I can now give you this advice, I'm sure I did not turn out bad.

Question 4. Oh Cik Aleeya, I cannot answer that question. And I don't think you can too.How long have you been married? 7 years? You can be married for 30,40 tahun pun still you can't understand the man who you have been sleeping next to.If you want a man who talk about their feelings, then lookout for a gay men.Men generally like to be and feel powerful and you hardly ever heard any problems from them.You can only see their sensitive side when they want something from you.They know how to attract their preferred audience...especially young naive girls who will feel so kesian yang they all tu berbinikan pompuan garang (kunun nya lah) macam Cik Aleeya.Too bad you found the text messages.That does not implicate an affair.Text messages and email can easily be misunderstood.We yang pompuan-pompuan ni pun kenkadang ada jugak mengantar email or text yang boleh tahan suggestive nya kat kengkawan jantan kita.What do we make of that? Affair kah? If you suspect that he is having an affair, then you should ask him.Buat apa tanya kat orang lain.Ingatlah, selagi dia tak memukul kita or mencuri duit kita, kalau dia nak menyundal sampai kena tangkap basah, biaq pi lah dia.This is the time you re invent yourself and show him what he will be missing if he messes about.Tak guna Cik Aleeya nak memeningkan kepala sampai dapat barah otak pun, baiklah semua tenaga tu digunakan untuk menjaga anak, menjaga diri dan bersuka ria.Tak gitu?

Sekian.

Update

Kejap ye...bagi chance Makji balik rumah dulu. Budak cinonet ni dah ngantuk...punyalah lasak, koyak rabak baju Makji di tariknya. Suka benau budak ni Mak dia membukak aurat ditengah-tengah jalan....
Hello you all...... okay, anak pun dah tido, Abg Pitt pun Makji dah layan....

Pening jugak kepala Makji tau...memikir-mikir apa yang patut Makji tulis...sambil tu sempat lah jugak Makji buat-buat pose pandang tempat lain sambil mengigit jari gittew...

Makji rasa terharu sebab you all sudi juga masuk blog Makji yang ala-ala Malaysia Today lagi tak bermoral ini.... tapi, Makji ingin mengambik kesempatan untuk mengucapkan terima kasih tak terhingga kerana menyapport Makji, dari mula Makji bukak blog, sampailah Makji dah beranak 6. Insya allah, kalau laptop Makji dah pulih dari relapse schidzophrenia Type 2, Makji akan update lagi dengan penuh sensasi..sesensasi tattoo-tattoo Makji.

(Hjh Esah Jolie, berposing...ohh..tak kuasa ku memikirkan apalah si Brad Pitt tu nak makan malam ni)

Okay, reality check...., to all my friends, Happy New Year.

Ampuan Tuanku, Beribu-Ribu Ampun.....

Forgive me my friend, had I offended you and your family in my earlier post, nevertheless I will keep on writing when and what I see fit. Ampun Tuankuu....(read: PODAHHH!!!)

But I must say, amidst your busy schedule (bukankah kita yang bersedagho dokek-dokek ni,akan sibuk membaca Quran yassin bagai bilo atuk mo uwan kito mati)you rather have time to read,gossips and facts to enrich your worldly knowledge.Tabik Tuanku.

Let's just put your mind at rest. Yes, I am very sorry for your loss and No, this is not a good time dish out dirts.But let's just established the motive here. I am only a writer, Dear Tunku. I don't write books because my grammar tunggang langgang and my day job does not permit me any free time even to poop.Let alone to brush my writing skills.I only have a blog, that I specifically sets up to unload my container.By container I mean, my shite-of-a-thoughts, Sir, those that I collected and amassed from my work as a Social Worker.Unlike you and your family, I don't inherit wealth.Although my father last post in the Army was the high rank that automatically made him a Dato', we the children remain tak cukup makan and we can only dream to celebrate NY at Las Vegas.Plus my father will always remind us on how poor he was back in Kuale Kangsor and that he had to walk miles and miles to school with just a pair of shoes.With that every inch of details of his hardship enough to put a child off, of asking money.

I understand that you're grieving, now that you Ruler grandpapa or whoever he is to you died, more so now that Tunku Muhriz is sitting on the throne instead of your Uncle Bill or Pete, for that matter.However, bereavement is no longer an excuse to bad language, especially in my small time comment box, Sir.For that, Raja or tak Raja, I serve the right to tell you off.Cilako!!!!

For being insensitive to you and your family feelings in this deeply terrible time, I am sorry.For quoting that Tuanku Jaafar is 'anak koling'...hmmm, I would rather you take that up with my Uwan, who passed away 22 years ago.She is now resting is Gombak and I am sure if you type the post code in your Sat Nav, you will find that cemetary.That poor Nurin Jazlin was buried at the same place.However, you might want to know that although people in Tanah Malaya like to call this lot 'Serani', they are indeed descended from Anglo Indian. Indian is always Indian by race by we the United State Of Nine (yakni, Negeri Sembilan) casually address them as 'Koling'.Is that racist? If is, how is it racist? Deragatory term yes, racist No. Racist is something like...'You fucking Black Bastard...'. Come on...having gone to the school like Alice Smith and all those UK boarding school, can you not specify what is racist what is not?

I detest people who come to other people blogs and started using inappropriate language.While I think we all should be more open minded to such comments, ye lah kan..tak kan lah saya ni sorang aje yang betul...there's a way to express opinion.Threatening is not one of them.We can say whatever we want within reasons. Unlike your relative, Jaime who caused altercation at Shangrila's Night Club...hah!! Padan muko kena tumbuk.Pocah hidung.Guess what, the Mummy Tunku Dara yang dah tak dara tu..(anak dah hompek..apo Dagho eh tu) sending threats pulak, requesting millions.Ceh, buek malu yo...

Okaylah..I shall leave you alone now.But please, if you are offended with what I published, may you not use inappropriate language in here nor should you insult my family.That is so not on.That is why, I did not published your stupid comment.

I too, refused to take things lying down, Dear Tunku. Watch this space.I will write more and more about you and your family.It is fun.

Again...I like to sing the TKC's favourite song again...'Berkatlah Yang Dipertuan Besar, di Negeri Sembilannnnnnn'.

Cak pong..cak pong!!!

Yamtuan Mangkat....Yamtuan Menanam....Mari Menanam Yamtuan.

Kurang ajar kan I, buat entry yang macam ni....

Selain dari menotap kek Paroi Jaya, apa lagi connection diriku dengan N9. Takdo...memang takdo. I wasn't even born in N9.

Through my mobile, I have a quicke peep at my blog page...nampak lah message kocik cakap, pasal sedara mangkat-mangkat ni.I dok pikir, siapa lagi la yang dah mangkat ni.Because I was up relatively early and sebagai anak yang solehah, I thought of calling my omak just to say hi.Dalam pada line yang tak clear, my omak said 'Yamtuan dah mangkat'.I asked..mano omak tahu? Omak said, her ex colleague who works in the 'sepita' told her. Did I told you my omak used to work in the 'sepita' before she pencen last year? Meh sini nak cakap kek Omak and her frens...lain kali hal sepita, tingga kek sepita lah Omak..sepita tu takdo confidentiality protocol ko? I ni nak bagitahu bukan apa..my 2nd workplace is a sepita gak...so,apo-apo yang tejadi kek sepita, takleh poei ceghito mo oghang do, omak oi... (tapi kalau nak tulih masuk blog buleh agak eh..)

Because my omak, my apak and majority of my relatives is in N9, I took pride in becoming the Negerian myself. I speaks the dialects fluently...I can even muster a little bit of minangkabau..alah teh, alah teh,alah teh!!! N9 got so many 'pesen' of dialects. The 'Kolopelah' (mistakenly obscene kan Ood?) The Chombong,Chongkau & Bongek also got different style of talking.Funnily enough, with my clan, I don't sopeak N9, I sopeak BM pokan.In my household, nobody sopeak kampung dialect.We speak English (ceh..tu dia berlagak!!!) or we speak bahaso pokan. My father came from Kuale Kangsor...and like any other orang Perak yang tak sedar diri that they all tu makan deghoyan, Father always insists skeaping London through and through...thank you very much to his MCKK and Sandhurst day. Once upon a time when I was little and parents decided that we have had enough of changing school, we moved to Garrison Camp in Podeksen.After that, my Omak never leave N9, after Podeksen, she moved to Seghomban and has been in Seghomban since.I never went back, apart from a short biskut chipsmore trip.

Here it is....my hearftfelt condolences to Tuanku Jaafar and family. He is quite old but my Omak said, he is not a frail man.Badan eh togap laie.But it is obvious that it is the heart that finally go on...and give away.He is quite a good looking man himself.

Sebagai anak tak jati N9 yang sungguh kaya dengan sumber-sumber gossip asli, I found out that he is not well liked by the Undangs.Not only that, the gossip monger told me that his children are notoriously greedy.This is a tell tale people in Paroi have heard since lamo-lamo dulu.One of my friend used to work for Antah in Bukit Damansara. Everybody including lombu kambing kek Josseh tu know that Antah belongs to the Pilah's.They are filthy rich.

Every year, for a fact, the childrens, grandchildrens will do their yearly pilgrimage NY party overseas.Nobody is suprised when the other 4 is abroad. Kesian nya....

What people do with their lives is their choice. I am sure the Pilahs is like any of us, will do what other people do...kalau berduit kita enjoy lah kan.Tapi kita ni tak berduit, so kito ontok-ontok lah duduk umah kito kek Bayswater tu.Nobody likes comiserations...nak-nak bila tengah bergumbira. Many,many years ago, on Boxing day, me and my cousins went to the Ikhlas Sheila Majid concert.Really tak sodar diri...after the concert we went clubbing kek II LA and balik reban only at 8am, after makan ruti canai kek Doraisamy tu. We sambung tidur and later in the noon, was woken up by my other cousin, my Uwan passed away. Now that I think about it, it is the same day as the Yamtuan's passing day. I really feel berdoso...as I was 'menyetan' the day before. Bak kata orang, jangan terlampau bersuko...kok nanti berair mato.Yo boto den berair mato. I lap yu, Uwan....

My Uwan told us that (tatau lah kalau dia ada grudges against him) Tuanku Jaafar is not the intended heir.With the racist remark, mu Uwan said 'dio tu anak koling'. Apparently the reason is so political and Tuanku Munawir's son is not selected.My Uwan's information is similar to what I read kat Malaysiakini. But if you read the sejarahs book, Yamtuans is not as as powerful as he wanted to be.Yamtuans is like the Agongs, they're selected to sit and look pretty.The men behind the scene is the Undangs and the Undang is the hardcore adat perpatih follower that would rather let their anak mati before their adat...(drama sungguh)

Tunku Mukhriz's father (Tunku Jaafar's brother) is the anak gahara...but he remain the only 'undiluted' son of Tuanku Abdul Rahman. While Tuanku Jaafar's clan enjoy the perks of being on the throne, Tunku Mukhriz become the object of my Uwan's pity.

Because my internet connection macam cilako...I cannot update my blog or baco sokabar.But I read somewhere that before the Yamtuan Menanam...they need to choose the new Yamtuan and they are going to select between the 4. I am not sure if Tunku Mukhriz is one of the 4. Let's just hope he is.

Sekian, saya sudahi posting ini dengan lagu feverett budak TKC

'...Berkat lah yang DiPertuan Besar..di Negeri Sembilan.......'

Al-Fatihah.

Dress Safely

I must thank you all yang mengomen kat entry si Lelawati tu...punyalah ramai. Ni lah satu nya I berbangga jadik kaum wanita ni...kalau ada sesama kita yang teraniaya, ramai betul yang akan terangkat dari pilot seat masing-masing.

Obviously, I tak bagitau kat Lelawati cadangan-cadangan kalian...bakar rumah lah, bawak lari anak lah..bobbit la..You Tube la... I am sure if I am Lelawati, segala cadangan akan diambil kira dan dilaksana, depending mana yang paling sadis sekali.

But although Lelawati tak berkesampaian nak mendengar cadangan-cadangan you all, the person that she is (or has become) will only response with a smile or lelehan air mata.Ni lah kata orang, bila hati dah hancur, nak buat apa-apa pun dah tak sanggup, melainkan membuang memory bersama tu jauh-jauh (oii..nasib baik betul lah kau si laki Lelawati...kalau dapat kat aku...or Kiah, harus hancur dirogol bergilir-gilir)

Last week, I pergi cantas rambut I...cantas sependek-pendek nya (habislah reputasiku sebagai pompuan melayu terakhir) I got a day off (and demam macam nak mampus) and I balik London sekejap and on the way balik rumah, kedai gunting rambut yang I suka tu (the only reason I suka tempat ni islah pasal si hairdresser nya tak banyak mulut...I rimas tau orang suka borak-borak sambil pegang gunting ni...pastu, macam dia ajelah yang pandai gunting rambut) bukak and macam tak ramai orang. I singgah masuk and ask if she is busy...Makcik tu kata she got 1/2 hour free and tanya I nak buat apa dengan rambut I? I told her that as I tengah demam, I can really do with a haircut. Laugh all you want but masa I kecik, kalau I demam panas, my mother potong je rambut I, terus demam I baik. Apo makno eh tu?

2 days before that, I tengoklah program Girls Aloud dalam TV and macam berkenan pulak dengan rambut Sarah Harding tu...tapi kat tempat kerja I kang nak berlawa-lawa pulak kang, habis pulak aku attract segala sexual offender or sex maniac.Kami pompuan-pompuan kat Dept ni, nak pakai skirt pun takut, apatah lagi T-shirt ala-ala plunging neck line.Majority pompuan omputih ni (Kiah..now you can share this with MG) tet*k semua ala-ala tet*k tikus, unless setelah diubah suai, so takde sapa nya yang akan oogle flat chest depa tu...harapkan kembang dek padded bra aje (huishhh..mulutku) ----> See, dah terbabas cakap pasal breast pulak. Kang nanti orang ingat I budak TKC.

So, bila I duduk kat kerusi hairdresser tu, I pun cakap lah, I gunting rambut ala-lala Girls Aloud (tak nak kalah kan?) So, makcik ni menurut perintah. One thing I like about her is that, she give good suggestions. Seriously, I kalau nak gunting rambut kena hangkut sekali consultant tak berbayar tu (MB) maka MB lah yang akan bagi tau hairdresser tu apa pesen yang dia rasa seswai untuk I (dan paling tak seswai dimata bapak ku) And MB usually will take liberty to mengutuk my sense of hairstyling dengan pondan-pondan mulut tak insurance haidresser tu (mahap ye..hairdresser pepondan yang lain) Hey you all, just because muka kau macam Gok Wan, doesn't mean that kau punya style tu seswai...masa mulut they all sesedap rasa ngutuk I tu, I just wish that they all will tersadung kaki and tertikam dengan gunting-gunting kat yang kat pinggang they all itu.Berangan gunting tu macam pistol pulak.

After 1/2 hour and £20 poorer (kira murs la h tu North London punya price) maka, here I am looking not exactly like Sarah Harding and without all the blonde highlights.Kalau lah tak ngenang mak bapak, harus ku kaler rambut ku tak sedar diri tapi..London is way too small for people to notice and menyebarkan dakyah rambut ku dah kuning, as if I am committing Lina Joy's act, padahal baru kaler rambut.Ciss kau orang Seremban!!!

The insecurity soon kicks in.Bila dah terasa muka dah persis pengkid mana...mulalah rasa akan kena homophobic attack.I started wearing a really skinny shirt to work that emphasised my rarely seen 34C.Earrings chokia pun dah ganti dengan pearl earrings (nasib baik tak macam Pat Butcher)

I attended my Dept Xmas dinner, dalam invitation kata smart/black tie and tup-tup, I turned up with sleeveless top, above-knee length skirt with a long skinny boots....with Make Up courtesy of MB yang telah memekapkan I cam pompuan Sungai Rejang mana tah.

Guess what I have attracted? 3 different men (work colleague) stripping off their tuxedo showing their hairy bits. Kosser Makji tau!!!!

Kesimpulannya...nak lari dari kena homophobic attack or ejekan budak-budak Itam yang tak buleh langsung tengok pompuan rambut pendek (kununnya lah drama) tup-tup beratur jantan tunjuk konek kat I.

If only....those men are not for turning.Oh Kiah...nasib baik kau takde, kalau tak habis lah abang2 diorang tu kena violate dengan kau.

Sekian.

Update

Semenjak I kena transfer ke Dorset ni, rasa macam dah terasing sungguh dari dunia luar (or dalam dunia...)

To those yang menyambut birthday yang ke 36th, maka selamat hari jadi lah.Rasa berdosanya I tak belikan you apa-apa.I really am cut out from many things, friends and family.Tak pernah betul kerja sesibuk macam sekarang ni.Masa ni lah nak menangisi nasib sendiri..apasal lah Raja Nadzrin pi kahwin dengan Zara Davidson tu bukannya aku...apasal lah Tengku Mizan dulu tak nak tunggu I (ceh..macamlah kenal) or...apakah kurang nya diriku ini kalau nak dibandingkan dengan Kabita Kor tu? If was ever the right candidate to them eligible bachelor tu, takdelah rasanya hidupku akan seserabai ini...although berkahwin orang kaya takdelah nak menjanjikan bahagia...tapi rasanya, lebih baik duduk relax dalam istana sepanjang hari, habis-habis sibuk pun pergi sekolah budak2 cacat potong reben, or pergi teman kekanda suami kat majlis-majlis VVIP and the only hard work to do is to pretend to be very interested and pose-pose senyum kambing for all the Utusan's, Berita Harian's papparazzi....

This is already December. Since I started blogging, belum pernah lagi lah I mengamalkan konsep sawang walaupun pada hakikatnya takde langsung benda nak dicerita kat orang.Since takde orang rindu (ataupun ada yang rindu tapi tak nak cakap...cisss, sucker for compliment betul lah I) I pun takdelah nak meredah lautan api, men deprive kan diri dari tidur 5 jam sehari demi nak hupdate blog.In addition to my many problems, laptop I dah tak nak nyala...apa ke masalah nya I pun tak tau.My office kat Dorset ada satu PC aje so kalau nak berblog hop kang takut terkantoi..mind you, I sorang aje yang ber kaler ceklat dalam opis I ittew.Orang putih kampungan kat UK ni, selalunya tak berapa gemar ber boss kan orang luar.So sebelum I kena report menggunakan opis PC for personal use, I better wait until I balik London and masa ni lah pun boleh minjam laptop MB's.

Semenjak 3 minggu ni...I dah le takde access nak baca Utusan Malaysia...so tau-tau, macam-macam nya yang dah terjadi.

1. Nasir P Ramlee dah mati...kesian....muda-muda lagi dah kena sakit jantung.Not sure if it's genetically inherited, but kadang2 kalau makan tak jaga pun boleh kena juga.Macam I la..ikut hati hari-hari nak makan Nasi Briyani and all that lauk yang bertan-tan traces of minyak nya.Tapi mengenangkan hati masih ada nafsu nak berjalan ala-ala Elle McPherson, maka makan Indian takeaway every 2 weeks aje.Selebihnya..makanlah cold cuts and salads. (Tak jugak aku rajin terberak..apa ke hal nya?)

2. Tanah runtuh kat Ulu Kelang nunnn? The day before I flew to the UK the first time, Highland Tower dah runtuh..kesian si Carlos Musa Hitam tu..yang khabarnya putus kepala.Nasib baik quick thinking aruah bini nya maka dapatlah the only offspring selamat.Hearing people's perished in such disastrous events sungguhlah menyedihkan...tak cukup dengan itu ada pulak suara sumbang kata this is the act of god lah dek kerna berdosa nya orang Ulu Klang tu.Ye lah..natural disaster legitimately is one kind of the god's act...tapi tak semuanya yang termati tu kena hukum ditimpa tanah kan? Lay off people of Ulu Klang la...kesian.Just because their bukits is the vulnerable one.I have more sympathy to those who lost every single thing they owned...and to add to their injury, insurance company boleh sesuka ati pulak tak nak compensate.Kalau nak mintak payment laju saja.

3. Norman Hakim dah let go bini nya....ah, it is about time.Walaupun dengarnya sebak dijiwa...(masa kau berperangai puaka tu takdelah pulak nak pikir consequences nya kan?) Bila dah jadi cam ni, maka berduyun-duyun lah orang akan kesian.But having seen loads and loads of cases where...masa dah tergadah nilah laki baru nak menyesal, sometime, the good thing to do is to let go.First time is always you're fool to cheat on me but second is always...yes you're fool but more fool me for believing in you.

4. Tah sapa-sapa footballer dah kahwin lari dengan artis fofuler.I pun tak lah kenal sapa but journalists interviewed the parents yang clearly upset kononnya 'dibelakangkan'. Ceh Pakcik, Makcik....mana pakcik makcik suka..anak Pakcik/Makcik ditangkap basah satu Malaya tau or anak Pakcik/Makcik bawak anak orang kawin kat Siam? Both undesirable but the latter is more reasonable.Sama-sama bujang...apalah salahnya.Kalau makbapak tak kasi problem or tak excessively sticking in their oar, tak kan ada nya anak-anak nak kawin lari...so parents, sebelum nak menyalahkan anak-anak, bagilah peluang masing-masing tu membuat hal sendiri.Asalkan anak pakcik/makcik tak membunuh/merompak, setakat kawin lari..habis-habis pun orang Seremban akan bersoksek for sebulan dua, and by the time entah ada anak orang Bukit Chedang pulak yang buat hal, maka they will soon berhenti bersoksek hal anak you and start focussing on anak orang Bukit Chedang ittew...(ni anak siapalah pulak ni)

Okaylah...baik I berhenti cerita hal orang...meh sini I nak umpat diri sendiri lak.

You all tahulah kan dah dekat-dekat Xmas ni, segala manusia kena pi keluar shopping cari hadiah untuk family diorang.Semenjak dah berumah tak bertangga dengan orang putih ni, nak tak nak, kenalah I pun bersibuk-sibukan juak cari hadiah.

This is the most stressfull December for me by a mile.Bad enough I salah pandang expiry date visa I, maka semput jugak nyawa nak buat preparation to study for the 'Life In The UK'.Orang dah belajar berbulan..I boleh main-main and stress sendiri.Pulak tu, tuhan punya kuasa nasib baik ada seat kosong for the exam.Dalam hati, I pikir..kalau lah I fail...habislah segala-galanya.Alhamdulillah..I passed the test tapi tak taulah berapa marks nya.Lantaklah...jadi dah selesai.Bila nak submit borang LTR to pulak...macam-macam benda yang tak cukup.I was running up and down London - Dorset sampai MB marah I. Lagi I stress. Sudahannya, I hantar my form the day before it expire.Apa nak jadi..jadilah.

I panas hati dengan Boss kecik I.Boss I Cik Puan Besar tu, dalam sakit-sakit datang jumpa I..mintak I reconsider my decision...masa dia datang pujuk tu, dia kata, Makji...kalau you nak balik London..balik lah.But I tak nak you berhenti.Tak cukup dengan tu, CPB naik kan gaji I and suruh HQ bagi I bonus.So orang mata duitan macam I ni senang sangat nak tukar fikiran.Bak kata MB, give yourself until next year la...nanti cari kerja lain.You are just so lucky time-time recession ni, you dapat naik gaji.

So,last week lepas duit bonus tu dah masuk dalam bank, maka bershopping Xmas sakan lah I. I am so not good at shopping, so nak menyenangkan kerja plus orang putih ni senang aje, kalau you all dah takde idea nak bagi hadiah apa...hadiahkan jelah air-air kencing setan...happy lah they all.

So, off I went to Tesco Earl's Court (padahal that day dah sumpah demi Allah tak nak datang lagi branch ni) and I was hapily shopping botol-botol kicap tu.Macam-macam perisa ada...Votka, Kokneg, Peeno Grijio lah...Melibu, Cempen...

Masa I dok tunggu tube tu, I terjumpa sorang akak Malaysian Hi Com ni...she was with another akak Tudung...ikut hati nak lari tapi beg shopping berat.She tegur I..I pun senum-senyum silliew...and being a nosy woman that she is, she peek into my shopping bag...'Hamboi..awak hangat bershopping nampak'....and terdiam dia bila dia nampak bebotol kicap beraneka perisa tu.

I dengan selamba cakap la..a'ah..Xmas present kengkawan...hoping that the earth will swallow me.I swear the other akak gave me the satanic glance...

Sumpah tak nak pi lagi area tu.

p/s Aking...jgn lupa ber kolling-kolling tau.Harus kita redah Red area tu.