Note To Self

Note Satu : -
I went to Laura Ashley homestore today. Betul lah orang kata, rich people have more money than sense. Tah hapalah yang cantik kat dalam kedai tu, tuhan ajelah yang tahu. I only went there to get a paint sample...so, kalau orang tak suruh, tak masuk lah. Although my taste ala-ala pariah and cheapskate, I think what I like in decor hugely stand out from those on display. Ala rumah maknenek mana tah!!!

I am not having fun time at work at the moment, so...untuk menenangkan kepala hotak, I have to incorporate activity mengular juga. Nasib baik orang bagi lists beli barang, so I can do a retail therapy, only not for me. Rumah baruku really wiped out ongkos tabanas ku. Iskkk...

Yang tak bestnya, (pada I lah...) is that just some people take liberty to treat others like idiot just for easy way out. See, I have the list of things to buy. Siap dengan serial number nya. Barang in most UK stores adalah senang nak cari...(unless lah you masuk kedai kaplam) If you are prepared with lists, life is easy. Bangang cemana pun...you can just refer to your list and get the exact item you want or asked to buy. Bukan macam kedai kat Paroi..(iskk, mengata orang Paroi pulak I) you masuk kedai...you tanya item ni, item tu...the shopkeeper is likely to say..ntahhh...tengok kat situ...blahblah. Nama nak menolong you, takkan ada lah kan?

The Laura Ashley in Richmond ran out of stock but they kindly offer to order me one and call me once the item is in stock. I ni malas nak tunggu-tunggu, I am not a shopaholic you see...kalau kedai ni takde, I cari kedai lain...as long as the responsibility membeli barang tu terlepas dari bahuku. Off I went to Laura Ashley Twickenham....I dah perasan dah tak ada atas shelf, but sajalah tanya this young girl..manalah tahu, ada satu ke dua dalam store diorang. Lovely that she was, she took the sample similar to what I asked, only not the precise one and convinced me that that was the one I was looking for. Elehhh..bodoh nau ke aku? I told her, nope, I want this type...dia cakap, they are the same, only differeny name...pala hotak kau!!!!

It is so obvious that she knows not more than I do but just because I was reading my list, she tried to tell me the orang is apple? Nak aje I cakap...eh...I did go out with an engineer yang buat building besar-besar for a good 10 years, so don't tell me that all white paint is the same. tak ke sakit hati ku, Kiah diperlakukan sebegitu rupa?

So, I decided to take up the earlier offer from the Richmond store, maknanya..hari Jumaat ni, kenalah aku gi balik kedai tu. Iskkk.....as if I am so free.

Note 2:-
Kepada adik adik dan kakak kakak yang menghantar private comment kat saya...mekasihlah banyak-banyak. Namun, saya perlu mintak mahap lah nah bahawa saya takleh nak entertain private request, saya bukan tak sudi nak menyambut salam persahabatan dan juga salam salam yang lain-lain.

It has come to a stage now where I need to separate work and leisure.I don't intend to become a private counsellor here nor that I am your psychoanalyst. Paling sadis sekali, I don't think you who seek 'help' from me here private, ada genuine problem. Okaylah..you ada masalah emosi terganggu but aren't we all prone to have our emotion disturbed once in a while, if not...daily?

Marriage/Relationship
Mana-mana yang tetiba sekarang pulak rasa terperangkap in the marriage, in the relationship and been painstakingly unhappy, kenapa pulak tanya I apa nak buat? See...I can understand people who asked me for opinion, ada yang terpaksa membelakangkan kehendak diri dulu demi laki la, anak la.At least you know what you want to do and just asking me how to cope. Ni yang problem-problem tak perlu like dah tahu laki main kayu tiga, zero point, konda kondi and galah panjang belakang dia or kena seksa dek boipren..lagi mau tanya apa mau buat ke?

Ye, ada yang kata..terpaksa bersabar demi anak-anak...financial security. Okay...takde siapa yang akan judge you. I will ask you..so apa tindakan you after this? Some will say..okay, I need the bastard for this, for this and this. My kids needs ther father..well at least for now. So, I will need to do what I have to do for the time being. Hah..itulah coping mechanism nya...and pikir apa akan dibuat next, give herself some time to plan. And duduk diam-diam. Takyah lah nangis sana, nangis sini...mengadu domba..mengutuk laki yang dah sah-sah macam puaka tu. Ye Kak, nangis pun, kenalah nangis jugak kan...we have got to go through the bereavement process...laki kita dah lari..serupalah macam laki kita dah mati.

Kalau dah taknak tunggu, tak boleh tunggu and menyampah gila...blah aje lah, tanya saya buat apa?

Socialisation Crisis/Self Esteem
Hmm...ada pulak yang kesepian. Hidup berpuluh tahun untuk laki, anak, yam dan kambing saja. So tetiba, terasa macam missing out pulak, ye lah orang lain boleh buat tu, buat ni..awak tu kerja pun tak pernah..habis kahwin terus ikut laki and jaga anak. Iskk...bukan ke tu jugak satu kerja? Takde pulak dia cakap dia kena seksa dek laki or laki dia control dia pi kawan orang lain. So, kalau rasa tak ada kawan..bukan ke patut sekarang ni dah start masuk social club dekat-dekat rumah? Nak kawan dengan saya, apa hasil nya?

Nilah susahnya...bila nak meniru orang sangat, letak expectation tinggi atas kepala...pastu wallowing self pity..ohh, I tak pernah merasa itu, merasa ini. Cubalah you pi tanya pompuan-pompuan yang terpaksa kerja plus jaga anak and jaga laki tu, surely dia jugak ada juga perasaan...eh, aku dari dulu lagi membanting tulang..tak pernah pun merasa dok umah.

Kalau you rasa rendah diri pasal you tak pernah kerja and tak ramai kawan, maka tanyalah diri you sendiri...sampai bila you nak rasa camtu? Ada ke orang ngata you? I always think that orang yang ramai kawan ni, sebab they all tu yang suka berkawan. So, irregardless self esteem kurang ke, kurang exposure ke, kalau rasa nak berkawan ramai...pi lah cari kawan kan? Cari kawan pun, ikutlah saluran yang betul...jangan pulak kita angkat kawan orang lain jadi kawan kita yang kita tak kenal batang hidung pun.

If you feel mistreated by the universe, maybe it is because you allow yourself to be mistreated. dah dah lah nak hantar comment saying that you berendam ayaq mata ke hapa. I bukan nak cakap apa lah ye, orang yang bagitau I dia berendam ayaq mata ni, kenkadang..ada borderline personality disorder pulak kisahnya.Dengan I kononnya dia berendam airmata, tapi dengan orang lain main ugut-ugut pulak...Allah Karim!

I don't know about you, but cerita air-air mata ni membuatkan pahala puasa I makin sikit aje.I am likely to sympathised if orang yang kononnya teraniaya ni dok diam-diam ank tak freely meghoyan.

Pastu, takyah nak bagi pujian or hoping that you can be strong..kononnya lah like me. Kalau you dah terang terangan make youself vulnerable, dengan orang sana nangis, dengan orang sini pun nangis...sendiri buat diri sendiri lemah, maka sendiri tanggunglah.

Kalau nak jadi strong sangat..minumlah Milo...habis cerita.

Update

Lantai kayu rumah baru ku dah siap. Katil baru juga sudah dipasang...disulami dengan kata-kata nista dek terseksa kepala hotak to figure which bolt are for which nut, etc etc. Sekarang yang tinggal hanyalah baju-baju and barang-barang dalam beg plestik hitam. So, operasi melipat kain, menggosok baju and menyusun buku-buku akan dimulakan secara bedikit-dikit mulai hari ni.

Kesan-kesan perpindahan rumah boleh dilihat pada lengan, peha dan kaki...yang lebam-lebam. Angkat kotak, angkat macam-macam barang berat...tu tak termasuk tangan dan kaki yang tersepit kerana salah coordination angkat barang...'depan sikit, belakang sikit..atas sikit..aduiiii...cilaka kau, tangan aku tersepit...' all that dialogue memang selalu didengar kat Queen Mary's Place ni.

Manalah perginya jantan-jantan yang gagah perkasa bila kita memerlukan mereka kan, Kiah?

Tadi dalam tube....ada sorang jantan melayu ni selamba aje makan. Memang lah dia kena selamba..sebab kat sini, siapalah yang kisah kan? I thought he was bongok, not that I judge him ke apa, sukati mak dia lah dia tanak puasa pun tapi, dia pakai baju jersi bola with sticker 'KELANTAN' on his shirt front and back. Ni musti takut makan kat rumah, so kenalah makan dalam tube. Oii haii Cik Abang. Pastu bila cakap kat mobile phone dia, pi cakap melayu and said 'kita jumpa kat XXXXX ye, buka puasa sama-sama'. Hek elehhh....

The guy who delivered my floorboards, is from Palestine. Yes..because he said so. Dia masuk dalam rumah I nak mintak signature (puaka takde telur tu, tak nak pun tolong I angkat kayu berat2 tu) and he noticed my Ramadhan timetabe. Dia tanya I...you celebrate Ramadhan? I pun cakap..ye lah. Ohh, you Muslim? Ye lah! Dia pun cakap dia Muslim jugak from Palestine. I pun compliment lah dia..kuat ye you puasa dengan kena kerja hard labour lagi ni. Nak tau dia kata apa? Fast? What fasting? Why must I fast? Who cares? Cilaka punya Pak Arab. Pastu, dia berapi-rapi cakap pasal Israel. Nak je I cakap dengan dia, Yahudi satu opis dengan I pun puasa Yom Kippur, dia yang soheh-soheh Muslim, taknak puasa.Tak nak puasa tu satu lah jugak...yang pi cakap..what for? Apa pekdah posa etc, etc...isk! Patutlah kau tu dibuat camtu dek Zionis tu.

Oh ye...bulan Ramadhan yang mulia ni, banyak betul setan yang bersenggayutan dalam jiwa dan kepala. Since Friday I tak posa....biasalah kan, orang pompuan ada ABC (Allah bagi cuti) tapi.....

a) Sehari suntuk I tak makan, tak minum air...and buat kerja-kerja berat...boleh kan okay aje aku sampai pukul 10 malam? Cuba kalau pasang niat puasa tu, rasa nak pengsan tepi jematan raso eh.

b) Cigak lah mata bila kol 3 pagi...kalau nak bangun sahur tu, terguling-guling pun tak tentu boleh bangun lagi.

c) Takde pulak tali perut rasa sakit kan?

Sekian.

Alasan Untukmu Percaya...Kenapaku Tak Posa

Masuk hari ni..dah 4 hari I tak posa you alll......ish..sebagai wanita muda (kasilah chance..naaa) dan masih bertenaga, sihat akal fikiran..kejadian-kejadian tak posa ni amatlah memalukan.

Part Tak Posa 1

As per my previous entry.

Part Tak Posa 2
Dihari Jemaat yang mulia pulak tu. Actually I posa, tapi sepagi kol 10am camtu, my Boss tepon. Dia suruh I represent dia pergi funeral ex patient dia, yang juga indirectly, ex patient I jugak. Dia ada hal urgent katanya, lagipun (katanya..nak menguatkan sebab supaya aku lah yang patut pergi bukannya dia..hampehhh!!!) family of the late patient nak jumpa ada sorang client dalam jagaan I ni, sebab they all tu pernah dok sekali (long-term hospitalisation lah ni) so, I kenalah escort sibudak ni pergi ke funeral tu. So...I pon pergilah. Agaknya ni bangsa omputih tak kuat agama githoo, funeral service nya dibuat kat crematorium aje tapi adalah jugak kami--kami yang datang ni kena membaca hymn secara berjemaah dengan Pastor tu. Well, if I can be honest with you, membaca hymn-hymn did not bother me so much (walaupun dulu adalah orang cakap kat I..ish..kau nanti jadi kapir!!!) because I do not think you respecting other people's culture and religion hatta masuk kuil,church or Toh Kong Tong San tu will make you a lesser Mulsim. So, adik kakak abang pakcik makcik Section 23 Shah Alam...takyah nak membuang pahala mengguna nama Allah as if lah you all tu fisabilillah menghangkut kepala lembu to protest the relocation of kuil kat tempat you all. Biar ajelah kuil tu kat situ..kalau you nak sembahyang, nak ngaji ke nak hapa...ada ke kuil tu ngaco kamu? You live in Malaysia..ada orang Cina, ada orang India and ada orang yang agama nya bukan Islam. Kalau tak suka duduk tepi kuil, janganlah beli rumah tepi kuil ye. Ish..ni dah cerita lain pulak ni...hehehe.Berbaliklah pada cerita funeral tadi...hmm, kalau you pergi funeral omputih, after service nya tu, ada pulak majlis yang dipanggil 'wake'. Ni kira nak celebrate life orang tu lah gamaknya..sambil beryamseng (usually) bernyanyi-nyanyi ria and bermakan-makan. So, untuk menghormati tuan rumah, I pun terpaksalah bermakan-makan. Kang, kalu I cakap I posa kang, tuan rumah tu rasa bersalah pulak...because they will feel that they're disrespecting you. So, I pikir balik, siapakah yang under bereavement..aku ke dia? So, terlerailah posa I hari tu...sekian. And kepada sipembawak kepala lembu, kita tak rasa ke, lembu tu makhluk Allah yang bernyawa juga? Mana RSPCA? Tak ke cruelty against animal tu? In a way lah kan....kesian palo lombu tu. Nasib baik orang Paroi Jaya mentality made in America..takdo deh nak ngusung palo lombu memokik-mokik do.

Part Tak Posa 3
Semalam. Dah niat nak posa..and terlepas sahur. The only food I had was that finger food from the wake. MB1 cakap dengan I, builder start kerja hari ni, so kita kena alih barang. Kita..always mean me. Angkat tilam, angkat lemari..angkat hitu, angkat hini...pastu kena angkat dengan sehati-hatinya takut calar lantai, takut calar lemari mahal...wah! Because of the delay in getting permission to redecorate, we have to rush the builder and secara tak langsungnya, we have got to help him moving the floor board, carpets etc,etc. See..we means me. We equals tu..MB1 instruct where to go sambil tolak dengan anak jari..and me, menggunakan seluruh tenaga pompuan mengangkat menda-menda tu. Nak dijadikan cerita..we bought the floorboards from company murs-murs (ni aku lah yang kedekut) and they did not provide manual handling. Tak insured katanya. So, akulah yang kena jadi kuli ngangkut fllorboards yang beratnya...35kg per pack...and all together 18 packs.Tu belum underlay nya yang ada 4 gulung..yang beratnya macam Syanie. Halfway through the lifting and moving, masa dalam lift..I dah nampak tompok-tompok hitam diawangan...and my head feels light. And...habis satu botol air ku minum. I felt so bad that I only makan at 8pm. Ampun Tuhan....

Part Tak Posa 4
Hari ni. After yesterday's ordeal..surprise-surprise, I have to work today. Ye lah...2 minggu lagi nak cuti. So, at 8am tadi, masuk ke opis, colleague I cakap...jangan lupa ye, kat Unit &*** and &*^% is organising BBQ today. Then I remember..akulah yang volunteer menjadi fundraiser nya last month, and of course lah aku kena datang majlis tu. Terus I buat kopi you. Tak puasalah lagi aku gamaknya hari ni.

Selamat Menyambut Merdeka You all....

Update

We (ke aku?) often heard and read about how casual the younger generation treat their their marriage nowadays. The disputes were displayed in the news for us to read.Ada sorang ni...ish, I takkan rasa bersalahnya nak memaki dia dibulan posa ni...ada pergi ditinggal/cerai nya bini dia masa kawan tu memboyot mengandung?! And..ada boleh dia kata kat Tok Kadi (is that the one who judge the Mahkamah Syariah) yang dia 'dah takde hati' dengan bini dia lagi?

Let's decide on what is and what is not valid reason to dissolve marriage...

a) Boleh ke kita rasa nak bercerai sebab..partner kita tak nak share Sky Plus remote control dengan kita?

b) Boleh ke kita rasa secara tetiba dah tak syok dengan bini/laki kita sebab kita dah 'terjatuh' chenta dengan orang lain?

c) Can we just say...ohhh dear, we are moving into different direction, don't want the same thing anymore...

I hate the last bit, although bunyi macamlah intellectual untuk menutup kelemahan diri, but do we not always want the same thing..before marriage?

Having the other person to agree with us, or even share the same sentiment as we do is not always an easy thing.Some people sustain their marriage because they are two opposite person and that seems to work quite well.

Serupalah macam berkawan....kepala akan sentiasa berlain-lain idea, but still stay kawan maybe sebab kita suka berkawan dengan orang tu.

I used to envy people with truckloads of friends...because mine is only handsful.But, looking back...I have severe capacity to maintain and commit.I certainly have different views and I don't do mushy stuff...(do we, Kiah?)

I always blame my father...for my antisocial way, not wanting to admit that I may well contribute to the fact that I am not largely sociable.But in the end, if you have a friend that is kind or sincere enough to keep you as his/her friend despite all your negative shortcomings, so you being the unsociable or antisocial one must not be the excuse of your own behaviour.

The reason of this post...is because I receive emails for marriage advice. Ayoyo...why me lah? I have 2 failed longterm relationships...what more can I say? I always urge people to leave or make an escape when things are no longer safe for you to stay or when all options of reconciliation have been exhausted. I recommend separation...ye lah kan..how to work things out or how to learn to move on kalau laki/bf ada depan mata? It is like dieting with Krispy Cream in your fridge.

And another message I received is requests to be my friend. I have accepted people before. In the end it didn't work out, especially if I am expected to halved their personal baggage, not to mention petty stuff.

Can I put you off by telling you that I am not nice at all? Just because you like what you read will not guarantee you will like what you see.

p/s I tak posa hari ni...iskk.Yesterday..dah le the day before after buka makan Burger King tu, I terlepas sahur and tak makan minum hapabenda lepas tu. Then yesterday adalah samdol mana yang tresspass jalan keretapi, habis semua cancel..so I sampai rumah dekat nak kol 9pm..baru bukak puasa. Minum kopi susu panas. Terus tiduran....sampai kul 4.30am. Weihhh...tapi dengan membuat undang-undang seniri, I pun determine to minum air and buat toast. I thought, okaylah..lewat sikit aje..asal puasa..terima ke tak terima lain cerita lah. Habis je makan..agaknya lepas perut dah terlampau kosong since yesterday...I terus muntah and berpeluh-peluh.

So..kesimpulannya...I have to work today and I need the energy. So one day won't hurt (and sumpah demi Allah, I will ganti..iskkk)

Sekian.

Reminiscence...or Buang Masa?

Seperti yang dah diplan dari semalam (dan aku sampai ber hallusinasi disiang-siang hari) I berbuka puasa makan Angry Double Whopper Burger King. Dengan gigihnya, I pi google Burker King yang terdekat and I summoned my colleague pergi beli, and gave him extra money so that he can get one for himself. Siap cakap pulak tu...boleh tak you jalan balik slow-slow, so that you can reach back here (my opis) by 8pm, and it is just nice for me to buka puasa. Wah..salahguna kuasa sungguh!

Sambil makan, sambil lah baca blog kawan-kawan. Terbaca pulak cerita orang tu yang makan KFC masa buka...and from there I gather, orang tu memang tak masuk lah KFC kat London yang femes sebab 'ketakhalalan' nya. And here I am, berpuasa cam nak pengsan..dengan terlupa sahurnya semalam...isk..tak lupa sebenarnya...cuma tak upaya nak bangun pukul 3 tu, tuptup buka posa makan Burger lembu katok ittew?

Well, what can I say kan? Duduk kandang lembu yang dikatok, makan daging lembu katok lah jawabnya.

Through friends recently, I got in touch with this girl I used to go to university with. But we lost touch after I balik Malaysia and thanks to Pesbuk, there she is...looking just the same, with now dah anak dua.

Soklan pertama yang dia tanya....did you marry that guy? (she was referring to my ex yang dah mati tu)

I cakap..nahhh...didn't work out in the end. Makcik dengan concern nya, shame...you guys went out for a while and seems like a lovely couple. What went wrong, may I ask?

I don't know..he is not into me after all I guessed.He married someone else. Considerately, Makcik ni taklah menanya lelebih...agaknya dia takmau mengorek luka lama kot.

But that actually got me into thinking the whole night..Kiah oii (isk..kalau masa yang terluang tu dibuat mencari pahala semayang terawikh, takpelah jugak kan?)

Was it a wrong decision not to take him back? I think I'm that sort of when faced with dilemma, I run screaming into the arms of a wrong decision. I made a crappy choice too many.

Everyone has their ONE. He was mine. And in the tradition of the ONE, he ripped out my heart and fed it to me, rendering me jaded and misshapen.Unfortunately, no one I've loved since has compared, meaning I don't harbour enough hatred to ignore his memory. When we were no longer together, strangely, I learnt more about him. The 10 years relationship was based on pure friendship, shared admiration towards Frasier, shared loves towards RomCom and meehon goreng.

I remember that we can talk for hours and hours about things that don't matter but we never really figured out how to properly talk to each other, and many things went unsaid.

He left me for someone else...and I swear to benci sampai mati. But love is strange. I can never cast him out and I could never accept him as genuinely malevolent.

I have to painfully admit that, there was a big tinge of excitement when he started making contact.I have exhausted his letters, emails and photos. There was a time that his sudden reapperance has turned me from relatively sane to bin raiding, possible restraining-order-obsessive.

I tend to be magnetised to unavailable people.The moment when I forget that I was once in love with him is beautiful. Truth is, I don't seem to be able to forget him.

And my only saving grace is that he is dead.

p/s...I wonder why I can't get into my comment box and respond to your comment..sori ah!!!! But thanks and I really appreciate it. I also want to comment kat org tu punya entry..the similarity between her boob and notebook, but takleh masuk. I wanted to say..yeah..is the size.One each..meaning you have two notebook. Erkk....takpe...ni dah dekat kol seblas malam.

Thanks people.

Puasa In West London

Selamat berpuasa kepada kawan-kawan dan juga kepada Muslimin & Muslimat yang membaca blog ini.

Hari ni adalah hari ketiga saya berpuasa...seksanya perut, jangan tanyalah ye. Many years ago when I was a student first time in the UK, buka puasa dekat nak pukul 10 malam. I can't remember what year it was but kengkawan masa tu semua pakat nak ganti puasa masa winter. Even orang-orang tua kat Sheffield pun cakap camtu jua. Isk...kesudahannya I puasa penuh 19 hari aje dan yang lenlainnya terburai dalam pukul 7,8 camtu. It was too much to bear, especially with my condition.

Puasa is easy this year since I dah single. My ex partner was so against me berpuasa, not because of the religion thing, it is more of the health hazard wise..as I am in constant need of Vitamin D. To me, health aside, kalau I boleh tahan I tahan lah ye. I always tell myself if la I mati dek sakit berpuasa (mulalahhhh nak drama kan?) maka Allah swt akan bagi pahala yang extra sebab I mati kerana mati-mati nak puasa...cehhh tu dia.

But I survived so far...walaupun adakalanya tali perut I rasa kering kontang. I drank so much water kononnya tak nak haus, sudahnya every half and hour aku terkenchhh and equals to tidur yang terganggu and menyebabkan darah dan hati yang panas sebab tak cukup tido.

Bila air dalam badan tak cukup, mulalah barang-barang buangan pun menjadi keras and susah nak keluar. Satu laaaagi masalah. So semalam, I asked my doctor friend to prescribed me the fibogel. Buka and sahur aku lantak minum fibogel. And this morning...melimpah ruah toxic-toxic tu keluar sampai perut I rasa kosong sangat. At work today, perut I sakit gila and cakap dengan orang penuh dengan bunyi-bunyi petirrrrr.

Masalah besar (to me laaa) berpuasa kat sini is to convince people of why I have to do it. Ada yang kesian (sebab tengok I tak makan), ada yang opinionated (as to why Muslim must fast) and ada yang serba salah nak makan minum depan I. A day before puasa, I made an arrangement to see this patient to transfer his case to another Social Worker in Suffolk. I insisted that we meet on Friday as I can't do any other day. Dia tanya I kenapa...I told him yang I kena puasa the next day and after that I'll be away for the whole month until October. Dia tanya I, so you're Muslim then? I cakap..ye la. Dia tanya balik..apasal you tak pakai tudung? I cakap..ermm..pasal I taknak pakai lah. Dia tanya lagi..kenapa yang lain-lain Muslim tu pakai tudung? I cakap..pasal diorang nak pakai lah..or maybe because they was asked to wear it.

In the end...the whole session that was supposed to be discussing HIM, jadi Q&A session pulak between me and him. Being the atheist that he is, he insisted the whole puasa thing is unreasonable and ridiculous. Sukati makbapak dia lah kan.....

But ingat ye adik-adik, orang yang bertanya ni semuanya ada hak nak bertanya..so tak payahlah nak ber defensive bagai ingat orang tu racist ke..discriminative ke. Macam kita lah kan..kalau kita tanya kat Vell Vell Batu Caves tu..apasal you all guling guling atas jalan cucuk hidung bagai, maka soklan itu adalah berunsur inquisitive aje. Orang sekarang kan cepat sensitive.

Ehh..berbalik kepada juadah buka puasa. First day puasa, MB1&2 masak roast dinner. Semalam dengan hari ni, I buka puasa makan left over roast dinner ittew. Takde nya lauk-lauk penuh meja or kuih-kuih. I'll be at work the whole day tomorrow and the day after...and nampak gayanya, kalau tak McD or Burger King, I am most difinitely akan berbuka memakan biskut bercecahkan kopi.

And I can't wait to go home and beli roti jala kat gerai Stadium Paroi tu.Iskkk....

Selamat Berpuasa kengkawan....

I can't wait to go home soon and beraya macam nak rak.

Note To Self

Jika kita membaca/terbaca article yang sikit banyak ataupun indirectly reflecting ourselves, should we....

a) Menelepon kengkawan pepagi buta and mengadu domba?
b) Membuat speculation yang sipenulis tu saja je nak cari pasal dengan kita?
c) And, selepas merasakan yang sipenulis tu memang suka nak cari pasal dengan kita, kita dengan memandainya memanjangkan speculation dan mencadangkan sipenulis juga ada mencari pasal dengan orang lain?

Maka.....macam nilah.

Baca blog macam baca apa-apa aje reading materials yang terpampang depan mata. Kadang-kadang ada yang membuat kita kelakar and bergelak ketawa and ada juga yang membuat kita insaf...and terus nak mengubah perangai.

Ramai masalah orang and issue semasa coincidentally reflecting us as a person. Manusia ada kelemahan...another kelemahan manusia juga is to write an article without thinking how it may affect others.

Kita belajar sajalah mana yang boleh dipelajari.

Andaikata kalau adalah tulisan yang berunsur fitnah, tipu and penuh dengan hasutan, silalah saman saya dengan segera ye...

We often say that we are the open minded society....or we are an openminded person. If we were to analyse, suspicious or even paranoid of every little details that we feel reflecting us as a person...especially displaying the bit we are too embarassed to admit, apa kenama openminded nya tu?

The good news is...is that you are overly conscious of yourselves. You know what you're doing.And..apa lagi..berbangga sajalah dengan kelebihan you.Lantaklah apa orang lain (or saya) nak kata kan?

Selamat menyambut Ramadhan you all.

Perasaannya...Perasan

When I have time, I blog hop. This is not something that I leisurely does...maklumlah, takde masa (and bermain FarmTown tak hengat) but for sure, blog kawan-kawan ketat dan juga blog si chenta hati musti baca hari-hari...(tapi sayang nya chenta hati idok le rajin meng hapdate blog nya..apasal? ohh..shopping handbag ye?)

Ada orang tu blognya cerita pasal apa dia study...isk. Orang tak pandai study cam I ni rasa bangang aje bila baca. There was once siapa ada peringatan that the literature she wrote is not seswai for those who converse English in moderation a.k.a. beginners. Amboi..kalau English dia taraf Adibah Amin takpe lah jugak...ni tak, just enough lah for dia to get by to impress orang yang membaca blognya...

Appropriately, a blog is suppose to be the voices of your heart or head yang tak keluar dek kata-kata. This are the thing that often readers find appealing. Bukannya nak baca cerita macam..ohh...kadangkala dia merasakan orang lain adalah bodoh-bodoh belaka...errr..bidang ituini tidak seswai dengan dirinya...erkkk!

Tak apalah..asalkan dia bahagia. Defensive writers would say..eh..I tak kacau orang pun, kenapa you susah hati pulak baca blog I? Dan saya misti jawab...ermm..betul tu, memang you tak kacau orang..but your writing is in public viewing, so tak banyak sikit you provide opportunity for people to air their view. Terimalah saja dengan hati terbuka. Orang nak kata..kata lah kan?

Ada sorang tu pulak...diarise everything...every single thing she does in her job as a PA. I have an assistant myself, walaupun idok le dia tu di assign untuk menjaga hal ehwal I, but we kind of get the slightest idea what the job required and encompassed. Tapi si akak secretary cum PA ni, hal hal menaip tender pun jadi masalah dunia dia (not to mention...kita yang membaca nya pun rasa nak tido)

To her, the hardest job in the world seems to be revolve around franking machine, window vista office...telephone message pad, organise meeting etc etc..enough to send her to the brink of the world. Helloooooo? Aren't PA suppose to know all her/his BOSS juicy gossips and naughty indiscretions? Kalau ambik mesej, frank surat...type surat, tu semua bukan kerja kerani bertauliah ke? I thought PA's role sometime even greater...as halving the Boss itself, kan? Alaa..kasiklah chance..knowing some Boss yang kedekut, will hire kerani (kuli) cum PA. Tulis dalam blog kenalah cakap jadi PA. Kalau ikut organisation sctructure kan selalunya PA jatuh bawak sikit aje dari BOSS? Or even so...you ingat orang suka ke baca berapa message you ambik untuk your Boss dalam sehari? Come on lah..make it more interesting, like...I suspect my Boss ada pompuan simpanan...haaa..gittew. (jahat kan I?)

Ada sorang ni pulak...kerjaya taknak kalah you...dengarnya (cerita dia lah) macam Creative Director..buat tu, buat ni. Siap cerita apa dia buat kat opis and betapa susahnya dia need to come out with such presentation..yang kita terang-terang dah tahu is peasy in just a click of a mouse aje..yelah..kan ke semua nya kerja software githooo?

The way dia describe kerja dia...satu Malaya tahu dia maybe tahap graphic artist aje...tapi cerita? Macam dialah yang come up with the concept, with the copywriting what not...pastu hidup amat terseksa after all that so called work or 'idea' yang konon nya dah diperah, kena pulak buat proof read?

People take pride in what they do..especially when they do it best. I do too..but my job is never interesting..more than always, rasa menyampah yang tak terhingga. But often blog yang I baca is to write to impress...tak taulah nak impress orang ke or dirinya sendiri. Ada yang sorang ni...habis segala apa yang dia buat dengan orang yang menerima khidmatnya dia cerita dalam blog, and mind you dia tak pulak blog anonymously. Tak ke dia tau kerja dia tu ada confidentiality policy? Well..kalaulah dia professional sebagaimana yang dia war war kan (about dia sendiri) dalam blog nya, he/she might be aware of what should/should not come out in the open.

Tapi agaknya dia perasan dia pro kottt?

Biarlah dia....dan jahatlah saya.

Ta

The Unreasonable Woman, The Unreasonable Man and The Keluarga Bahagia

The Unreasonable Woman

Lolita Lollypop, bukan nama sebenar have been going out with Samdol Strongbow for the last 7 months. Samdol Strongbow’s has children from his previous marriage and between him and the ex, they took turn to look after little Molly. Si Lolita Lollypop ni (LL) dah le mengambik laki orang (kisahnya, si Samdol ni telah bermain kayu tiga dengan LL yang juga rakan se opis nya) and when the affair was found out by the wife, LL demanded that Samdol to make a choice between her and the wife. You think a married man like Samdol will choose wife lah kan, sebab anak dah ada..pastu kalau nak bercerai on the ground of adultery boleh miskin kesudahannya…nak nak pulak si isteri sedia memaafkan ketelanjuran suami. Takk….the scarlett woman won. Maka bercerailah laki bini itu…pueh kan ati kau, LL?

The wife, walaupun terluka tetaplah menerima yang lakinya dah chenta(hi) pompuan lain and want to remain friend with the ex demi anak yang baru umur 4 tahun tu. Anak pulak close dengan makbapak, so Samdol walaupun dah bergilpren baru, masih mencari masa untuk jumpa anaknya hari-hari.

So kiranya kalaulah LL tu I, dah le kau ngambik laki orang kan…maka pandai-pandai buat muka malu dah kau pisahkan makbapak budak tu and kau jugak merampok laki orang (walaupun laki orang tu sukarela dirampok) Takkkk….ada satu malam, masa boipren terlambat balik rumah pasal nak tidurkan anak dia yang meragam kat rumah ex nya, dia boleh datang menjerit maki hamun satu family tu.

Tak cukup dengan tu, masa sibapaknya punya turn babysit anaknya, si LL boleh pi serang si ex wife kat pub while she is having a girls night out…and melemparkan tuduhan..’ko saja paksa laki kau babysit supaya kau boleh toot jantan lain tanpa gangguan’.

Sekarang ni LL sudah demand Samdol ikut dia pindah ke West Country (tempat asal LL ni) supaya they both can start a new life together. Tak kah dia tahu…apa ke makna new life nya kalau boipren kau tu dulunya laki orang dan ada anak?

(Ehemmm…si LL ni jugaklah menjadi tajuk gossip utama kedai kopi kat workplace nombor dua I. Muka takdelah lawa mana…cantik lagi ex wife dia, but typical jantan lah kan….tah hapa lah yang dipandangnya)

The Unreasonable Man

Okay…pompuan ni kawan I kat Malaysia. Beberapa tahun yang lepas lakinya mati accident, maka tinggallah dia dengan dua anaknya. Aruah lakinya tu anak tunggal and ada mak bapak yang sekarang ni hanya nak harap cucu-cucu lah jadi pengganti anak. My friend ni punyalah mithalinya, tetap menganggap makpak mertua nya sebagai makpak sendiri and everyweek akan balik Pahang bawak anak jumpa atuk nenek. Jodoh baru dah sampai and last year dia kahwin lagi, dengan duda bercerai bini. Katanya masa berkawan perangai okay tapi bila dah kawin ni, bertukar menjadi puaka lah pulak.Kata my friend ni hubungan dia dengan keluarga arwah lakinya sekarang ni dah jadi bahan bergaduh pulak dalam rumahtangga diorang. Check-punya-check, laki baru nya jealous. Eh..dengan orang mati pun mau jeles ke? Jantan kan…bila time-time camni mulalah pakai agama untuk buat demand cam cibai…boleh cakap, I ni laki you, I larang/haram you pergi rumah orang tu. Berdosa you melawan cakap I. Kawan I ni dek agaknya takut berdosa (or malas nak gaduh) dah lama lah tak bawak anak2 dia jengok atuk nenek diorang. Budak2 tu rindu lah dengan orang tua tu and orang tua tu sampai demam-demam rindu kat cucu. Bila telepon, laki bar uterus maki hamun..boleh dia cakap, anak awak dah mati terimalah kenyataan…(babiiiii nya)

Sebagai batu api yang berkaliber….I cakap kat my friend ni, kalau dah macam ni perangai, tah besok-besok apa pulak lagi nak di demand nya. Kalau aku lah, aku bagi notis je…(boleh tak I cakap camtu…) Hah..laki camtu memang patut mati sakit jantung!

Keluarga Bahagia Singer

Ni pulak cerita adik I yang jua terkenal dengan sifat kepenglipurlaraan nya tu. Ada sorang cousin I, dia dengan ex lakinya dua-dua dah moved on and kawin lain. Ada anaklah…so bapak and mak tiri masing2, (both hubby and wifey new spouses) baik dengan budak-budak tu. Orang zaman moden lah katakan..mana ada ujud lagi Normadiah punya type.Tak cukup dengan ke sporting an makbapak tiri, mak and bapak mertua pun sporting jua sampai ex menantu dengan bini baru pun dijemput makan kenduri sekali. Parents my cousin buat kenduri ajak ex menantu dengan bini baru nya datang and dengarnya, their ex besan pun buat kenduri ajak ex menantu dengan laki baru datang. Makan hadap sama-sama…ex bini duduk depan pengganti and ex laki pun duduk borak2 lagi dengan laki baru ex bini nya. Tak ke unusual sight tu?

Tu belum lagi para-para madu pompuan Arqam mempromote laki memasing pi cari pelacur mana buat bini…duduk serumah bagai. Kalau lah aku…mati laki ku ku racun.

Sekian.

August Yang Angkuh

Di bulan August yang Mubarak ini..(betul ke?) masa-masa untuk menghapdate blog sungguhlah terhad.

Kerna......

1. Permohonan pinjaman duit besar-besaran untuk jangkamasa yang panjang dari biasa telah diluluskan oleh pihak yang memberi pinjam. Maka dengan ini, saya and kengkawan saya (saya amatlah miskin..beli barang pun kena share) adalah pemilik bertuah pangsapuri sebesar kangkangan kucing (tapi saya bersyukurrrr) di sebelah Richmond Park dan juga sepital tempat letaknya celebrity-celebrity depressed di London ini. (ehem...takleh tulis lebih-lebih, takut orang ittew terbaca, and kalaulah dia tahu venture terbaru saya ini...dia adalah berhak untuk menuntut harta sepencarian..walaupun saya seorang diri mencari and mengumpul harta tu..sialan nya. So, selagi kami belum memasuki mahkamah dan mendissolve hubungan kami, saya kenalah diam macam tikus mondok)

2. Kerana cuti tahunan saya telah di book untuk dibuat perabis bila saya balik KL nanti, maka saya terpaksalah memindahkan barang ala-ala burung membuat sarang jua. Dah le saya kerja tak menentu masa..pindah pun tak menentu masa. Tetapi..saya amat suka,suka,suka dah suka kerana sekarang saya sudah ada bilik sendiri, katil sendiri dan bilik air sendiri. Dan saya boleh kentut tanpa rasa was was.

3. Perpindahan saya ke tempat baru lagi posh (kira nya...) adalah sungguh menyeksakan bag duit saya. Kawan saya nan sorang ittew...kalau beli barang, tak nak kalah. Kalau orang ada TV 32 inci, dia mahu 52 inci. Kalau orang ada lampu liplap pakai remote control, dia pun mahu juga. Kat TV tunjuk katil yang boleh simpan barang sebanyak-banyaknya, not to mention..adalah jauh lebih mahal dari katil biasa...dia pun mahu yang ittew juga. Bila saya dan MB 2 kata, buat apa nak beli katil and tilam memahal, katanya..kita hidup hanya sekali dan kalau kita mati esok, kita tak akan merasa tidur atas katil dan tilam yang mahal. Erk...si kawan saya tu memang suka cakap macam tu. Dulu masa dia nak tukar Mini Cooper nya ke BMW series keberapa pulak saya tak check, dia pun cakap cam tu juga. Dia dah 40 puluh katanya...bila lagi dia nak merasa? Kami berdua terpaksa pasrah...maklumlah, si ketot ittew pandai masak. Kalau saya melawan, saya akan kelaparan. (perlu dinyatakan disini, bukan hanya tilam dan katil baru saja dia nak beli tawwwww...selamat tinggal lah impian saya nak membeli kamera DSLR dengan duit bonus saya yang telah bertukar menjadi sofa bed untuk senang orang datang ittew)

4. Masa nak pindah ni, tak nampak pun batang hidung jantan-jantan yang gagah perkasa untuk dibuat kuli mengangkut barang. Cissss...disebabkan saya amatlah cheapskate, saya memilih untuk membeli perabut flatpack aje..dan saya terpaksa memasangnya senirik.

Tengok lah..tu semua bakal menjadi punca pergaduhan dalam rumah baru...flatpack Ikea kenkadang memang confusing dan complicated (ke, aku yang bodoh tak nak ngaku?)

Jumpa lagi semua.

p/s ingat ye orang ittew. From Heathrow, naik bas 490. Sampai Richmond Station, naik bas 493..trus berenti depan rumah. Hmmm...pengurus estet kat situ, jejaka espana tu sungguh hensem. Liza syak wasangka dia pun memandang dibarisan yang sama jua.Seswaiiii untuk mung!

Jalan-Jalan Cari Pasal

This entry was written a day after the incident. I haven't completely recover from the shock. The blessing thing is...I baru berplanning nak berpoya-poya kat Brighton and after yesterday, I terus berfeeling insaf...as in, takdelah laju nak bergembira kan after terkena kejutan camtu.

Cari Pasal 001
Isk..is yesterday once more..shubiduuuu....yesss Karen Carpenter. I was a victim of a foolish and unprovoked attack. Jahat betul pariah-pariah pendatang haram kat UK ni. However, ini musti satu pengajaran for me. Don't know which one, but all good things to follow and abide is welcome. Adakah lepas ni I misti pulang rumah sehabis saja 7.5 hours waktu bekerja yang dibayar? Adakah saya musti menjaga mulut jangan menjawab kat budak-budak Afghan yang butuh besar pisang emas tapi ada hati nak mengayat I dah umur dah dekat nak 40 ni? Adakah I misti memasang bodyguard 24 jam? Or...mungkinkah sebagai anak yang duduk jauh dari makbapak yang selalu kata ''ye..semayang...dengan nada slow bila mak tanya...musti mengotakan kata-kata nya? Aduhaiii nasib. Selepas terkena serangan telur sesat tu..and was called a chinese prostitute by them silly bastards, mula-mula I terkejut godzilla...pastu, after dah telepon police, telepon MB's and telepon Boss...maka,I terus nangis macam kena rotan dengan rotan bulu ayam circa 1977 to 1979. 24 hours after that...maka perasaan marah terus meluap-luap that everytime I see any beruk originated from Afghan, terus hati ni cakap..patutlah kau orang teruk dibuat Taliban...you get what you deserved. (ceh...tak bertaubat lagi kan aku?)

Bak kata MB1, I must count my blessings...that it is only eggs that was aimed at my boobs and not gun or knife. Trust her will come out with kata-kata like that. I was still reeling from the shock tak habis, MB1 tanya lagi..you ni masa jalan..baca tak ayat tu ayat ni...you check tak kaki mana you langkah keluar from opis..bla..bla..bla...

But, I have the bestest of friends, Boss and colleagues in the world. And I must thank Allah for this. (Siap kau budak Afghan...semoga kau orang dapatlah kurap ayam)

Cari Pasal 002
I went to MSD. This was couple of days ago. Bukannya aku sesuka nak gi tempat ni ye..but ada mission men collect salinan surat nikah. From the beginning dah ku bagitahu siang-siang kat Ustaz Inferno tu yang I ni hanya wakil saja...so apa masalah rumahtangga orang or anything lead to the intention untuk bercerai berai and even kenapa surat asal boleh ghaib dari simpanan si tuan punya sijil nikah, memang I tak tahu. But the Ustaz decided that sebagai wakil orang yang nak bercerai, I deserved the lecture. Mesti kah?????? Selepas di lecture nya I...and demi nak menjaga muka nya sebagai Ustaz, I tak jawab sepatah haram pun but banked solely on my toya face as my saving grace.Agaknya after dia rasa megah macam Noordin Mat Top dapat meletupkan I...dia tanya, you ni tinggal sini ada register dengan MSD tak? Belum sempat ku jawab..ni lah orang Malaysia, tak nak ikut peraturan Kedutaan, tapi bila ada masalah pandai nak cari kerajaan brokebrekbrokebrek.....

Adakah I menjawab? Tak....but as a person who suffers from delayed reaction...ni masa menulis ni marah lah!!! Hey Ustaz...read this yeah..PODAHHHHHHH!!!!

So, adakah anda masih nak menyalahkan saya kerana tak bercampur dengan puak-puak Melayu Gomen ittew???? This is why.

Entry Menjawab Pitnah

Ada orang sudahhhh marahhhhh!!!!!!

Kenapa???

Sebab saya kononnya dah mempitnah Tengku Temenggung Kelantan...katanya, lainkali kalau nak tulis tu selidik dulu apa yang saya tulis. Kalau tak tahu, jangan memandai katanya.

Hek elehhhh kau....

Macam nilah Encik....saya cadangkan Encik bacalah post tu lagi sekali...dan bullet point kan kat saya ni part mana yang saya pitnah TTK tu. Saya paham..sebagai kawan (or balaci...) kita mustik lah men defend kawan kita (yesss..defendlah kawan kita...hingga menserbasalah kan perasaan kawan lain kann???)

Dah habis Encik baca...kalaulah dapat sebarang bukti yang menunjukkan saya mempitnah TTK, silalah extradite saya balik ke KL (ke Kelantan?)

Seingat sayalah...saya hanya cakap TTK muka cam psychopath. Cehh..salahkan ittew? Habis tu...dulu masa saya kecik-kecik, saya selalu cakap dengan mak saya yang Mohamad Rahmat tu muka macam tart nenas...saya boleh disaman sebagai mempitnah dia tart nenas ke?

Akhir kata...blah lah lu!!!

Entry...Pembacaan & Pemikiran Sensitip

Because I don't really know who Yasmin Ahmad was...I started googling her. I got access to plenty of her works and I must say that they are very good ones.

By Malaysian (media) standard of course, some attracted unnecessary controversy. Not that I understand why it was such a big fuss...laki bini mandi berkemban...pegang anjing etc etc. Laki and bini berkemban is such a usual sight kat rumah...as if lah kita tak pernah nampak. So what if that Imam pegang anjing...will that warrant him an entrance to hell? I doubt. Fauziah Latiff's sons getting all friendly with anjing pun ramainya yang mengomplen...agaknya orang would rather kita main sepak -sepak or langgar-langgar anjing kot? Sorry ye..in anjing issue, I really like to have a liberal opinion, so kalau kamu nak kecik hati (like one of the reader did before) itu antara kamu dengan kamu sendiri lah ye?

I was told that Yasmin Ahmad was a man...or maybe still a man at his/her time of death. To me, until si empunya diri ku mengaku, kita yang mendengar khabar ni can only wish that what we heard is true or not i some cases.She passed away now...so we can never hear from the horse's mouth.

Apparently now, a day after her funeral..the fact was confirmed by a reporter that she has been a man and during her time in the UK, her former self had a gender reassignment.

So I take it that all the rumours is true that she was who they said she was.I googled hard for that article and there was her former self picture and information from the former school friends.

That article sparks a petirrrr and angered her fans and close friends. Talk about wrong timing lah si reporter bodoh tu pun.But I think as a journalist, he/she know that they are not supposed to publish things that are untrue.

I think the pressure must have mounted that the paper have now apologised.

Maybe they should....not for the article though...but for the bad judgment of choosing the publishing time.

There's too many open secret in Malaysia...saya tidak gay, walaupun saya berjalan lenggang kangkung....sebab saya dah pernah kahwin dan ada anak dua (walaupun bila saya datang London, saya akan melepas rindu kat lover saya)

So if she was a man...kenapa pulak nak marah-marah? Salacious news lah..rumours lah..disrespectful to the family lah. How is it disrespectful? I am certain her openminded parents has accepted who she was.

Timing was bad. That I agree. But the news is true, what actually are we angry about?

Marina Mahathir apparently called out for a boycottt. Why? Because you don't like what you read? Or is it because you're ex PM daughter and well known blogger so whatever you say...goes?

I think it is about time that we take responsibility of what we read and what we write. If the publications about Anwar Ibrahim's private stuff is UMNO legalised...betul ke tidak wallahualam...maka, if a tribute to Yasmin and her past should have been allowed.

It is sad that she has died and defenceless...but the article is written nicely about her and herself pre Yasmin Ahmad.

I am sorry if you must disagree. Again...we all do read and understand things differently. Bersyukur lah kita yang Yasmin Ahmad tu tak jahat..tak makan duit rasuah and tak derhaka kat mak bapak dia...

p/s Kiah..bila lah kau nak hupdate?

Entry Terkejut Sekejap....Lalu Insaf

Ramai orang rajin tanya I...Makji, uolsss Paroi Jaya kekno? Cenderawasih ko, Kenari ko...Kedidi ko...dopan padang ko etc etc...

I tell you, if I reveal..kang kok oghang kona..yolah..TPJ tu kocik. My parents pulak glamour. I ni aje yang nak pi Underworld. As long as you all tahu parents saya sekarang bermestotin di TPJ cukup lah ye. Family saya ada privacy mereka sendiri.

But..terpikirkah uols yang I ni maybe memongak? Manalah tahu kot kot I ni..org Taman Datuk Wan ke, Taman Guru ke, Taman Rashidah Utama ke...Taman Pinggiran Golf ke...or maybe Kampung Bongek????

Or, adokah I ni..berasal dari Juasseh...yang kalau kau poei rumah eh, di boghi eh kau teh jalang? But I must say, orang Kuala Pilah kalau buek masak lomak...pokat santan eh..tak kedokut do!

Semalam...I accepted a friend request from someone yang I kenal masa I kecik-kecik dulu. Her family used to be our neighbour...and she went to the same Tadika and primary school with my eldest brother.Dalam borak punya borak...she said that her 70 yrs old mother remember me. Ye lah, masa I kecik2 I kan dok ngekor my brother gi main rumah dia. Bila dia dah bukak cerita mak dia tu, I pun tanya lah..mak you apa khabar bla..bla..bla..

She said..oh my mom okay...she's keeping busy now since pencen, and being a widow (laki dia dah mati) dia pun active lah buat tu buat ni...then she said, my mom did wonder where you (aku lah) are...since dah lama tak jumpa. My mom lost touch with your family..she even heard about your dad's (bapak ku) passing from her friend.

???????????????????????????????????????????????? My dad's passing? ?????????????????????????? (terkejut lagi)

Here I am thinking...did I miss anything? Berdetup gak hati...ye lah, ada apa-apa ke yang orang tak bagitahu I? I am aware that I hardly call home, so entah-entah....????? Dandan tu jugak I check my mobile phone....and email. Takde pun missed call or email from my family.

Masa ni jugaklah I teringat cakap my father yang kalau dia mati, dia nak suruh my sister hantar text message aje dengan I. Berdebub debab lah hati aku masa ni....

So I replied her message....my father ada lagi laaa....(then I realised that THING can happen) Insya allah....

Then she message me back..oh sorry..salah info. Did your father remarry?

I ter gulp lagi. Is she suggesting yang mak aku pulak yang dah takde?

So I jawab...my PARENTS are still at home. (of course, tak kan lah aku nak pi bukak cerita yang my parents had some marriage trouble, and I had a stepmom)

Terus we both stop messaging. And after that...I called my mom. Tapi Malaysia dah pukul 11malam, so call tak berjawab...and I called my sister instead. I asked her to kirim salam to my parents. Of course my sister yang puaka tu cakap...kau mimpi apa lak ni?

Iskk....kalau tak sindir boleh tak?????

Update

Al-Fatihah lah kepada family Yasmin Ahmad. At the risk of mengecikkan hati peminat-peminatnya yang sanggup bersusah payah datang SS19 yang was made famous by my late friend yang kena bunuh, bakar dalam longkang tu, I just cannot follow the fuss and the stress. Siapa suka dengar cerita orang mati...kan? When I return to KL, my sister dok promote-promote lah cerita Yasmin Ahmad. I think I have a couple, in DVD yang tidak haram tau, Kiah. I have been busy to watch...and when I did, I may have to re watch, since I pun tak berapa paham message nya (mana nya nak paham...sambil tengok DVD sambil masak meggi)

The last I saw (most probably one of her old ones) is with Alan Yun on it. Wahhh....terbukaklah bijik mata ku. But that jawa-looking man yang rasa macam dia Raja West End theatre (I am not against any orang jawa ni...) yang buat semak mata I. Was he the judge in that Fame Academy Malaysia tu? Isk....apalah credential dia...selain dari perasan nak jadik Simon Cowell?

I don't particlarly like that girl either...isk!!! My expectation of a pelakon is setinggi IBM building kat Taman Tun tu. I think her mother is a better actress than her. But it is better her than all that touch and go actor/actress. Last year there was this drama (unfortunately Mak aku suka, so ku tak boleh tukar channel Kiah oiii..sebab ada Amat Tamimi) where all the actors are so engrossed with their tuxedo. Eh...people wear tuxedo since jaman Tok Ki lah...boleh anak beranak tu catwalk dengan Tuxedo pinjam masing2? Ptuihhhh!!!!!

I don't really aware of Yasmin Ahmad, but if she manage to pull such a crowd in life and after, she must be someone unusual. But interviewers/interviewee...please, you sound way much better with a normal spoken English. Takyah lah nak add American and English accent. Or, is that how they speak now? Stick to just one...

While the journalist suka sangat encourage cerita-cerita gossip rumah tangga orang (hence aku yang dok bawah khemah ni pun tau Kiah) I am likely to question si tukang kena gossip tu. Kau dah berkawan dengan laki orang...Cik Kak oi. Kawan aje lah. Takyah lah nak menyambut salam chenta ku pulak. Yang bujang nya ramai...ensem lagi. I guess Jantan la ni (this happened to my friend occay?) sukalah menggunakan message dakwah to pick women up. I tell you..dalam tube, dalam bus kat sini, ramai gak jejantan Jehovah Witnesses and Christian Baptist bangsa cakap berapi hallelujah..hallelujah tak abis-abis, tapi takdelah pulak yang I dengar nak digunakan untuk mengorat pompuan.

Yang pompuan-pompuan ni pun satu....dah le kau terjatuh cinta pulak (owh..saya tak kuasa menghalang takdir tuhan...tengok tu bila dah macam ni aje, takdir kan?) takyah lah nak rubbing it on people face lagi. Cuba kau tengok Kak Angelina Jolie tu...ada dia buat statement mengada-ngada bila Brad Pitt jatuh ketangan dia? Ingat..best woman win, okay?

I read about the trend pompuan yang bergerek dengan Pak Arab, Pak Hitam and Pak Pak Expatriate yang sewaktu dengan nya.Regardless apa race and nationality, they all tu adalah jantan yang sungguh suka kalau benda yang dia nak dibagi free. Kau ngerti?

I heard about siapa jantan/pompuan yg bila dah disambar oleh kaler lain-lain ni, boleh kau terusss keluar statement...I tak main lah jantan/pompuan Melayu.

Mulutttttt...kan? My father..dalam pada dia agaknya bersembahyang hajat suruh I ni kawin...I remember he said...kalau boleh, dapat orang lelaki yang badan sihat, kuat kerja...jgn yang hisap dadah, jgn gila (amboii discriminasi nya..now aku dah kerja dgn Mental Health ni) and jangan orang Arab. I wonder why.

Adakah ini bermakna....Brad Pitt akan disambut dengan pulut kuning?

Sebatlah Saya Dengan Segera...

From what was reported in the newspaper yesterday, sibudak pompuan yang tertangkap sebab tengah minum Tiger Beer kat Pahang nun is pleading supaya disebat dengan segera, so that she can get it over and done with and move on.

Kesian dia. I do think that is (the rotan, the sebat) is a bit harsh.Considering there's plenty who did the same rather openly. Like the Pilahs & Co. Keluar dalam Tatler anak beranak clutching champagne and wine glass. (and they will say...eh, takde ah...I minum apple juice je dalam gelas tu...hehheee)

I guess the point to prove is always...the restrictions.We Muslims...alcohol is prohibited.We know that.Orang bunuh orang and makan rasuah pun boleh lepas....so why are we being so harsh on her? Jamal Abdillah berkongketan dengan ex-bini pun lepas....and this poor girl, satu Tiger Beer (maybe more) and the judgement? Rotan...name and shame.

It is funny when religious affair dept feel that stroking rotan to Tiger Beer drinking girl is way more important than catching men who refuse nafkah anak.

Apropriately next, bila keluarlah gambar Pilah & Co, menyonggey semasing pogang goleh air koncing setan eh tu, sila lah letak caption besar-besaran...'Sebatlah kami dengan segera...yeeeeehaaaaa'.

Tarraaa.

Being Tantric

--------------> To those who read and comment, thank you kindly for all those nice words.Rest assured, it is all read and well received, walaupun tersangkut kat comment moderation pending approval...bukan apa, I don't like to miss anything...so sebagai seorang control freak, I like to be the one who get to read it first.Aci lah camtu kan? Kalau I tak balas comment tu, hampun lah ye...I ni bekojo siang malam...travel one place to another.Bukan tak betimo kasih do...yo Tijah? But I will endeavor to reply to all...when I have the time.

--------------------> To those who email, to those who sent a FB request via my comment box and to those who asked for more personalised contact, saya sungguh terharu. Saya pun macam you...ada jugak buat salah silap and that should not qualify me to give advice. I will usually publish my response in the blog, but yang dibaca semuanya masalah self-inflicted. Layan salah...tak layan salah, tak jawab salah..and kalau jawab, jadi gaduh pulak nanti.Facebook tu untuk kawan-kawan saja...ada jugak yang tak berapa kenal and tak kenal langsung, but passed certain exception. Tak guna jugak nak add saya sebab you kenal kawan-kawan saya (ehemmm, kawan-kawan saya pun tak kenal you)...and you tak tahu ke...recently ni, saya ada dapat email pulak kata FB was created by a Jewish boy. Tak sangka pulak Malaysian tu ramai anti-semitic. It is sad to see how quick people can succumb to being discriminative.Poor Jewish man who creates FB. I like FB...I like FarmTown...I have many Jewish friends who accepted my faith with no question asked.I'm sure the sender of that email...kononnya tak nak menkayakan Yahudi, frequented Starbucks and watch everything that is Spielberg's.I'm sure we know how to distinguish the evil Zionist & just the unassuming Jew. I certainly don't like/hated to be associated with the Bin Liner.Enough said lah ye...

I have been in the situation where people consulted me for a little advice or so. For whatever reason ingat I ni macam bagus, tak tahulah. Kisah-kisah dalam blog ni semuanya takde moral...orang tanya, macam mana nak deal dengan si Polan yang macam ni, macam tu. Takde pun besar mana pun masalah...sajalah nak drama kuat. Hidup sungguh bosan, lalat accident dengan tingkap pun kita nak risau.

The difficult bit of problem solving is always having to tell the problem-monger that, dia lah yang sebenarnya punca masalah dia.When a patient is referred to us for teraphy and counselling, the magic words is always, face your own demon first before you can face others. Biasalah bila orang ada banyak masalah..selalunya akan rasa that the world is against them. Orang tu salah...orang ni salah...kenapa orang tu buat I macam ni..brokbrekbrokbrek!

But, what about you? You takde salah ke?

Sometime, whe we had enough...we have to breakaway. Nobody like breaking bad news...but life is not always about good news. Contact between two people is almost like a relationship. The longer the contact have been established, the better the relationship will be. The time is mature enough for you to accept people's right and wrong with no qualms.

Some break up require translation...bila orang dah tak nak kawan dengan kita, ni macam adegan dalam Facebook...eh, you terdelete saya kah? You think, orang boleh terdelete kawan dalam Facebook ke? Adalah sebab kena delete tu. Isk..after all, this is only a social networking, dah kena delete pun...masih boleh makan mee goreng samo-samo kan? Lopeh tu boli cake dokek M&S. No biggie!

Adik-adik yang hantar email to me, for relationship problems...I cannot help you lah.The message from your laki/boipren is so obvious, I yang tak kenal ni pun rasa nak lari sebatu. It is really not a good idea at all to hang on to the words like 'I am not ready...or we are in the different place at the moment..it is not you..it's me.....some of many. I have to object to penggunaan 'we' tu. Yang buat keputusannya seorang..pepandai cakap 'we' kan?

When your boipren say he wants to be friends....take it literally as it is. Kawan mean no string attached.He is downgrading you from his girlfriend to just friend. Jangan pulak kau agree jadi kawan tapi mesra a.k.a. shag buddy ye? It is likely that you, being his 'friend'...will involve you waiting round for him to make his mind up and he knows it.

Kepada akak-akak and adik-adik yang legally dah berlaki and laki pulak bangsa keparat ni...takde maknanya kalau dia masih sayang kat kita, kalau senapang patahnya tu bebas menembak ayam-ayam liar yang lain. Take control. If your boipren/laki want a space..give him a mile.Regain your composure.

Kalau nak jadi lagi kejam..gi lah belajar dari si Norish Karman tu....dah le ambik laki orang. Sekarang..hah, tak cukup sebuah rumah, limo keto..limo rumah dimintak eh. Tu tak masuk share-share business orang tua tu. Kadang-kadang pengajaranlah jugak untuk orang jantan kan...dah ado bini yang duduk ontok-ontok kek rumah, nak gak mencari artis bagai...hah kau! Tak lama lagi dry-clean lah Datuk tu.

Told you already....semua posting dalam ni takde moral.

Update

Sementara Kiah is sorting out all those arsonist wanabe and potential pyros, baiklah aku hapdate...before dia pulak yang akan start bakar rumah dia..nah?

One of my friend came recently to further her study..(so now that make 2 of them...JT and this lady) so our meeting was fun, I can tell her all about him and his escapade. his pasu Sarawak battle and his panas dinginnya chenta ku.So apart from telling you all who don't know him, I can now finally tell someone who actually suatu ketika dahulu minat kat dia (kan ke JT tu henskem masa muda nya?) and I really can't wait for her to see him!!!

This friend of mine idok le datang buat MA, Msc, PHD ke apa...but she just got transferred to her company UK's branch and at the same time, dia suka-suka nak belajar short term course nak menambah ilmu dia (dan dah sedia ada..bukan macam Ella ke...are you enjoys tu) So aku dengan baik hatinya took the morning off and awak dia jenjalan tengok college yang dia dah register tu and show her around London for a bit.

This friend of mine got married when she was in the states with her buah hati (also fellow MRSM) but after balik Malaysia, the husband terkena penyakit kasih berubah and kahwin lain behind her back (tertangkap basah lah alkisahnya). So sebagai wanita muda berkerjaya kemain professional, bergaji banyak angka and masih jambu...I'm sure she had wondered..apalah salahku that kind of thing...and after campurtangan segala orang...she decided to ask for divorce. So she raised her son all by herself. Wahhh......kagummmmm I. Kalau I lah...aku akan pi campak balik anak tu kat bapak nya..style Arni to Awie, pandai kawin dua, pandailah kau jaga anak kan?

After 8 years menjanda, she met another guy. She told me bukannya dia yang galak nak cari pun..but biasalah kalau ada set-set Cik Tipah dalam opis, set-set Cik Tipah amongst her sedara mara, maka proposition and recommendation tu banyak lah (wouldn't I know?) This guy yang se opis katanya...(takde ke tempat lain kau nak mencari chenta, pompuan oii?) mulanya okay lah..they were serious at one point, nak jumpa Mak & Bapak etc etc. He and her son got on bla..bla.This guy is slightly older than her and that made him a bujang terlajak..berupa and berharta (apa silapnya?) and maybe...after 3 years memadu kasih...makan sesama and tengok wayang and pergi piknik, he probably (we think) realises that he might spend the rest of his life with her and (maybe) freaks out at the enormity of this realisation, so he ended the relationship.

My friend ni, patah lah jugak hati nya.But at her place in life now...takdelah nak frust-frust menonggeng cam I. Bukannya dia tak pernah berlaki...so macam dah boleh predict lah,macam ni lah nasibnya kalau ada berurusan dengan the opposite sex berspecies Iguana...senang sungguh bertukar kalerrr. Hati ada jugak sedih..sambil berfeeling-feeling nyanyilah jugak tak paham sikapmu..kau berchenta seumpama menukarrr baaaajuuuu.

Tiba-tiba...jantan ittew datang kembali (just before she came to UK)...and pi cakap kat my friend ni yang he is still in love with her and want to stay friends because he is not in the right mind for a relationship at the moment. See...men, always like to put us women in a difficult position kan? Cakap chenta..tapi tak ready...so what? Are we suppose to be so flattered and wait until you sort yourself out and be readily available?

We often hear about pompuan yang rasa they all tu bodoh...giving so many chances to men and mendapat habuk saja sebagai balasan.No, not bodoh...I think we know what is in for us but sebagai makhluk yang suka menurut hati and perasaan (and otak tak nak pakai by choice) we are still hoping that someone would change for you and for the better...ye lah tu Kak. Macam mengharap hujan kat Somalia aje lah.

I was in that place...after orang tu kahwin...tup-tup datang balik...and tak bahagia katanya. I still think that is true. He was not happy...and maybe he was at his happiest with me. But the truth is, for someone who always not sure what they want in life, what are the chances of them being happy with anybody? Yilekkk! Men always play it safe...they may not be entirely happy with you..but if living and being with you is bearable, he will stay put. Ye lah..dengan orang baru, kenalah start baru kan? Now and again..burung dia akan keluarlah jugak dari sangkar..try nak cari makan tempat lain...for fun.

I think it is fair to say...if you love him THAT much (unless dah ada bukti-bukti yang nyata dia tu macam siamang, nak simpan or even ingat tak guna) maybe we shouldn't give up.But, don't be sitting and waiting either.Men cowardice sometime is a leeway for us women to start doing thing we never did before and masa nilah you all nak menaikkan saham or pi join rancangan total makeover tupun.I'm sure once he see sense, maka he will come to you voluntarily and menjilat pasir...merayu untuk kembali kepangkuan miewww.

Unless, of course, you've had a better offer in the meantime.....

Momen-Momen

Was it me yang terbaca salah or is it a trend for sokabar Malaysia membunyi melayukan bahasa-bahasa orang putih?

Okay...okay..I baca Utusan Malaysia. Every night..sometimes fail..sometimes not..after 8pm here, akan ku bukak lah webpage Utusan Online ittew. So..tahu jugak lah cerita-cerita sensasi sana-sini...like

1) Siapa ex wife drug addict singer yang dah kena cerai..pastu pi kasi free balik service dia kat laki drug addict good for nothing laki dia tu. Hah kau...sure she will feel like kena panah petir kan..after the drugging singer kata..owh..I memang takde niat nak balik dengan you. He, like any other men..gets away with it. Siapa jugak yang rugi????? Bini tu lah jugak. Si drug addict singer ni..kisah nya dari dedolu sampai la ni sama aje..buat maliewww oghang Peghok sungguh (nasib baik aku bukan orang Peghok kan Kiah?) Mula-mula..lepas keluar Pusat Serenti tu..katanya dah berubahhh....well, I was told the only time men will berubah is when they tukar jantina. Tu iya..betul-betul berubah. The he kahwin lah dengan Orang Pilah ni...yang kayooooo...dapeklah deh makai keto godang..nak harap duit nyanyi yo..nak boli kobun gotah pun tak lopeh, kan? Tup-tup..dah dapek bini lawa..yo lah..tuo lah sikit..tapi masih mengancammm, poei lak deh berkhalwat dengan tah sapo bibik. Dah bercoghai!!! Ni bukanlah nak cakap tipu ni you all..masa I kerja kat satu hotel kat Malaysia tu..si drug addict singer ni..selalu gak checked in dengan pelachhhh, together with his policeman friend. Tau-tau after that dengar dia kawin dengan his bini nombor 2. Si I assume, while romancing his 2nd wife or wife to be that time, he still have time to berkongkekan dengan si Pelachhh ni.

2. Apaaa??? Nenek 100++ years berlaki dengan jantan 36 tahun? Wah......sujudsssss kek Uwan. Ayo ni pun soghang tak lopeh..Uwan dah duopuluhduo kali. But Uwan..cemano pun...kok lah Jamal Abdillah yang mengurat Uwan for your 24th slot..khobar an lah Uwan tak ondak yo? Orang ngisap ni Wan..takdo guno eh do...buek somak kateyyy yo.Hehehe...

3.Memey????? Memeyyyy??? Gelak manja? Hah..enough said. Kalau lah aku yang interview dia..jangan haraplah dia nak dapat bergelak manja begitu. Cisss kau.

There's one article recently..pasal artis Malaya lah ni...being interviewed. Siapa Cik adik ni..I pun tak kenal, and to me...all this young girls, rasa diri ada rupa sikit...mulalah nak berlakon..so that they can get access to memana laki orang yang semi-eligible. So this Cik Adik kononnya digossipkan dengan anak Yusop Aslam..(eh...Yusop Aslam anak dah besar ke?) and is telling the world how their relationship wasn't meant to be (who cares???) Hey budak-budak..kecik-kecik dah pandai kiss and tell kan? Orang dah taknak kat awak..diam-diam lah...ramai lagi jejaka yang bujang-bujang.

So, in that article, she sort of reminisce a lot. Then came the word 'momen-momen'.

Apa ni?

I remember reading articles about Haliza Misbun and she was also using this 'momen-momen' word.

Contoh ayat...Haliza mengingati momen-momen indah bersama Ari Wibowo prokprekprok....in the end, I have to think that it is originated from the word 'moment'.

Do they really think that this word is best heard malayanised?

Contoh ayat lain...Ohh Kiah..aku masih teringat momen-momen indah ko, aku dan Miss AA mengumpat kat KLCC.

Does this word allowed in karangan Bahasa Malaysia kertas 2?

Entry Tak Perlu

My cousin called me today. I have to admit that I am not very close to my relatives. Baik yang kat Perak or other states in Malaysia. I don't remember them being nice...infact more than often, I remember them saying something that is quite nasty about me. When I was little, apparently I was this sombong girl. Okaylah...memang pun. If you want to count 'tak cakap banyak and amat pemalu' as sombong...maybe they're right. When I was in secondary school age up to pre University, again, I am sombong as well...kononnya berlagak tak hormat saudara mara. I'm sure they made that kind of judgement based on how many family weddings that I deliberately missed. Suka hati kau lah. The cousin who called me today once mengadu kat my brother that she will never want to come to my wedding, because I am so sombong. I'm glad she said that...because she will be waiting in vain. When I was (and still) living overseas, they thought I am keeping some sort of shoddy secret that will potentially menconteng arang kemuka makbapak ku. I only knew about this couple of years ago, because my father told me. I was so hurt...not because of the slanders they can think of but the fact that they think it's okay to worry my parents like that, with that kind of story.

After that, the thought of membuang yang keruh and ambil yang jernih terus pupus dari perasaan ku, as they (my relatives) somehow have managed to re-contaminated the air yang telah jernih.

Last year raya, after my mother's heavy persuassion, I gagahkan diri pi beraya kat rumah my auntie yang hanya sepelaung dari rumah my parents. Had they not caught my glimpse at the kubur earlier that day, maka my trip home would have been succeed in obtaining the exclusivity to family and friends only. And from there, lah I started talking to my cousin, after many,many years. I don't know why when people meet me, they feel the need to big up themselves, as if aku kesah betul kau kerja apa, kau holiday kat mana...siapa extended sedara mara kau. And I really hate it when people asked me...(ni selalunya soklan yang ditanya depan-depan orang, with ulterior motive lah ni) how's the weather in London? Eh? Ko apasal? London is so famous with the four seasons...lagi mau tanya ke? What is it with you and the London weather? And after that, soklan-soklan macam nilah yang mengundang segala attention yang tak perlu...like habis segala manusia will look at me in awe...like...ohhh, kau duduk London..best nya...best nya.

Sometimes question like this really placed me in an awkward position, especially bila aku pi kenduri kat Kampung yang majority penduduknya hanya lepas pergi ke KL aje. Habis2 oversea pun Mekah, tu pun after bertahun-tahun menoreh getah. For this, I hated my cousins...ye lah, they all ni selalu holidaying seberang laut. Tak ke dia pikir betapa depress nya nanti orang2 yang tak mampu ni dengar?

Eh..terlajak dah cerita ni. My cousin actually call to tell me that dia dengan laki dia nak gi Umrah. I know she is referring to her new laki, ye lah..last week my sister yang CNN tu cerita yang my cousin si newly makjan dah kahwin baru. So ni kira honeymoon lah ni.

I have no objection to people's choices of honeymooning destination. Although, if I may say...kalau yang buat cerita nak kawin kat Mekah lah..nak pi Mekah after kahwin lah...seems like menunjuk-nunjuk aja. Selalunya kita akan dengar orang bercit-cita nak mati kat Mekah. But tu, sukati you all lah kan? The obvious thing people will think of the newlywed couple is that masa nilah nak mengongkek siang malam pun. Boleh ke nak berasmaradana ka Mekah nun? I'm not saying that it is forbidden but psychologically, tempat suci..tanah suci...sure kalau I, nak french kiss pun segan.Apatah lagi la yang lenlain tu....hehehhee.

So she called to ask...(because I dah pernah buat umrah) me to share my experience. Heran pulak I, hal ni pi tanya I pulak...apasal tak tanya makbapak dia yang dah buat haji 2,3 kali tu? I'm in two mind actually to tell her my experience, because I know this will end up sampai ke telinga my parents juga. Knowing her...my experience will be misconstrued and tah hapa-hapa lagi lah.

I was thinking, if I tell her what had happened to me while in Mekah, sure dia akan kata I sesat barat prokprekprokprek.The truth is, I think I was given the message from the above not to hope things will be better, but to work for it to be better. The process of me knowing myself, learning what I want is long and ticking.I think ni lah yang orang selalu lupa. They think that when you pray, you will get what you want...immediately. The truth is we will never know. I believe Allah will acknowledge...and we should try harder. So kenkadang bila I baca komen2 nyamuk pasal lifestyles orang yang kununnya sungguh berdosa etc,etc...I wonder, orang yang hollier than thou ni, terjamin ke nasib dengan Allah. Entah2 tuhan pun tak suka you maki-maki orang camtu and habis pahala you. Kan?Kan?Kan?

So I told her....good for you lah. I don't know what to say...my umrah was more than 13 years now, so I'm sure banyak yang dah berubah. I don't think you should harap apa-apa, but spend your time beribadat aje.

Ermmm....nanti aku doakan kau cepat kawin ye? Makbapak kau risau kau tak kawin-kawin lagi...


Ohh....ini sangatlah tak perlu!!!!!!

Eyeing Up Other Person

That playlist IMEEM dah ku sepak keluar dari blog ni...and atas kebaikan one of the blog reader, hari ni dengan tak mandi...ku godek-godek benda alah ni...and hah, ku persembahkan pada mu lagu favourite ku yang didedicate oleh sang ex-boipren.

The other day, on the bus I overheard dua orang Jay-Sean ni berborak. Cehh...they all ni, nak dipanggil Asian Brits aje..tak soda dia tu kaplam.Kalau bercakap tu, langit pun boleh runtuh. Heran pulak I, si 2 mamat ber suit ni, baru balik kerja agaknya...slumming it naik bas. Selalunya..kalau set-set ni, naik kereta taknak kalah..beemer lah..merce lah.They all ni bukannya tak mampu. Mana taknya..dah tua bangka masih duduk dgn appa amma. Satu rumah can fit 18 family. I guessed all money ended up invested on something that is fit the purpose to menunjuk kat keluarga Patel-Bhangra yang lain.

Because they both seated behind me, aku memang dengar clear sungguh lah topic masalah slumdog millionaire diorang ni, and disguised by my Ipod, concealed the truth that I was ear wiggling.Bukanlah nak sebok you..tapi kalau cakap macam nak jual ubat...ko pakailah ear plug, mesti tak banyak sikit sure dengar.

Dengan muka tatau malu..this two men..dah la boroi tak hensem...pi pulak bercerita pasal eyeing up woman. Ada ka benda camni buat subject borak dalam bus yang sememangnya penuh dengan telinga tu.

Their descriptions of woman's boobs, rear and other areas tersangatlah graphic that I so imagine si dua jantan ni...agaknya takde makwe (sebab tak hensem) malam2 kerja nya log in into porn website. How so and so boobs are so big, it didn't match her tiny frame lah...how so and so, bontot so huge out of proportion...how so and so is so hot...I'll die standing if I can take her home...(dasyat tu...tak ke they all ni tau, buatnya yang hotsexy mama they all dok puja-puja tu ghope-ghopenya pre ops trans yang lagi sexy dari kita pompuan ni, Kiah oii!!!) Part I yang paling benci how they think it's okay to discuss women transformation after baby. Oih..kau tau apa? Since when did man care? They'll shag a cow if you put lipstick on it...kalau dah mega gersang tu. I'm sure them Asians man, always have secured back up plans laid by their parents...adalah pompuan malang yang akan dijodohkan dengan diorang ni...sebab nak fish out woman on a pull belum gerenti nya nak sangkut (jahat nya mulut I)

Is that what they do...I wonder? Looking at woman...discussing their gravity-defying breasts? I'm sure their eyes is drawn to the sexy mexy one like a sniffer dogs nose to a drugs. As if it is an inbuilt reaction that have no power to stop...walaupun bini/gf ada kat sebelah kan?

Cuba kita pandang jantan lain? Tengok bola oblong dia ke, seluar salah parking ke...sure dah kena cop pompuan gatal.

I was told that woman should only worry when the oogling men start grunting..kalau takat-takat peek a boo tu, relakan ajelah...bukannya dapat pun kan?

My cousin once told me..ni pun sebab lakinya ada tendency buaya paya..that she forbid the hubby pakai shades...pasalnya they can use it as a camouflage to tengok pompuan lama-lama without being caught.We told her...alah...tak pakai spek hitam pun, men can still have eyes at the back of their head.

Kalau lah they all boleh tipu bini they all tu dengan berbini dua tanpa tertangkap, setakat sekodeng pompuan lain tu macam jilat stem aje senang nya.

Ish....geram sungguh. I wonder if all wives/gf will be allowed to have life-size David Beckham pakai sependa Armani tu kat rumah..buat-buat pandang tak jemu depan laki. Kan? But fear this...kot-kot nanti they all tu pulak lah yang tersyiok kat David Beckham. Camno?

Update

Because Cik Kiah hapdate...I pun musti hapdate jua. Kalau tak nanti dia akan hantar text messages yang berbau ugutan-ugutan! Because we had an affair, I am incline to take all those threats seriously...ye lah..too much is at stake kan? Kan? Kan?

About Baby X's propensity to kiss with her mouth open...or even kissing at this age, what more can I say but kemanalah tumpahnya kuah kalau tak ke roti canai kan? Maybe she destined to go to TKC where kissogram is one of the must not fail subject...macam Bahasa Malaysia. Chewwwwahhh!

Well, I just had a very hot curry today and now, walaupun dah terpacak kat opis at 8.00 am today, masih ku tak mengantuk. So if I may, I would like to share my thoughts of Kiah's predicament at visiting her gravely ill cousin.

My only near death (in the end memang meninggal jua) experience is with my late brother. I am very fortunate to have been spared facing all this potentially bereave moment...and I wish I don't have to because simply I do not know how to react...what to say...etc,etc.

When my brother was taken ill, hati I memang dah berdetak dah ni...ye lah. I tak pernah tengok dia sakit and the first thing my mother told me to do (this is after learning what was actually wrong in his system) is to go and see this orang alim somewhere in Gedung Lalang. Driving from hospital Seremban to Gedung Lalang is not far, but air mata I yang berjurai...jangan cakaplah. I know we are suppose to tawakkal, but in practical, if you have that illness, you really need miracle and kuasa Allah yang paling besar sekali to survive.That time, I can feel it that he is going to die...padahal tatau pun masa tu sakit apa. I did what I was told and the orang alim said...ask your mother to pray, and I will pray for her. I can't do that (what my mother had asked) because it is not fair on another living thing. I never said this to anyone...

When someone we care about tetiba sakit kuat ke, or have prolonged illness, kita yang sayang ni memanglah mintak dia hidup lama. Tapi bila pikir balik...daripada yang sakit tu menderita, biarlah semuanya mudah saja untuk dia. Problem always is, betapa denialnya orang-orang terdekat ni. I think naturally, kita tak suka tengok orang mati...maybe because kita sendiri pun takut mati kot. Kalau boleh, yang brain damage surviving only with life support machine pun, kita tak bagi nak tutup...mengharap kuasa Allah and sembuh lah orang tu.

At risk of kena penampar or kutuk satu kampung, we will have to tell the truth, like kalau dah on life support ke with no other hope left, the decent thing to do is...lepaskan aje lah, like Kiah said, we will doakan kita tabah throughout the bereavement period. Safest choice is always...bila orang suruh berdoa mintak dia sembuh bila cancer cells dah makan satu badan, jawab aje lah insya allah, mintak semuanya selamat. It works for two...cepat sembuh ataupun...selesalah mati. Bunyi pun sedap...kan Kiah?

We often being put in the position where we are required to say a nice and decent thing, when in some situations, its hard to find any and memang takde pun benda yang sedap didengar untuk dicakap. Tuh..pening!

I think it is unfair to pledge an expectation onto others.Bila kita kawan dengan orang, kita harap orang akan layan kita macam itu/ini. Some can get overfamiliar and instead of having a normal process of assessing your relationship with your friends, the overfamilar type will soon try to test boundaries.

I've seen quite a few glittering-fireworks type friendship. You kawan dia...you kawan, kawan dia and the lists goes on. Masa mula-mula indah lah...since you shared the common interests...wry fry jokes and pleasantries. You don't get to know what the person likes and dislikes.The worst part is when you accidently stepped into the boundaries, with no awareness of what IS the boundaries. Orang marah...you sakit hati...and the feud, the dissatisfaction and the chain of reactions balloned overnights.

In my workplace, we have boss and bossess relationship, colleague and colleague relationship, patient and responsible adult relationship and adalah few more ties sana-sini.Because of the different formalities each relationship carries, kadang2 you rasa, lagi baik you berkawan dengan kucing or pasu bunga. Takde expectation pun...apart from..kalau nak benda tu hidup lama...bertahan lama...maintain lah kan?

Most of my colleague are my friends, because we started off together and over the time, I jadi Boss diorang, so gossip2 or criticism head opis, tak bolehlah nak di share bersama-sama. Worst part is that when your colleague a.k.a. friend ni buat silap mmg menanti teguran bernas (and maki) from you. Tak ke bermasam muka 3 hari tu?

So mana yang menjalinkan perkahwanan...originated from web space and social networking, tempat yang tak sepatutnya dijadikan base untuk mencari kawan sejati and sehati, terima ajelah kekurangan you dan kawan you...sebab salah pun salah you jugak kan? Cepat benar nak mencurah kasih and tenaga...dengan tak tahu orang tu macam mana peel nya.

Oh..Kiah, I lap you. You're my fren forever.....chewwwwaaaah!!!!

Cerita Pompuan Jahanam

Pose-Pose Pisau

Pompuan Jahanam

Last year, somewhere in the quiet cul-de-sac corner where my current opis is located, adalah sekumpulan budak-budak hitam telah bergaduh and one of them got killed.

When I was asked to work in this area, everyday I tell myself that...latest by 7pm, I musti me Watson Nyambek to the nearest train station sambil membaca summum-bukmum...(eh..ni bukan ayat halau anjing ke?)

Hari ni tadi...on my way to work, I belilah newspaper..maka tetiba kat front page, keluarkan muka pompuan ni and few other boys. Yang tak kurang berwaja setan jahanam nirrojim nya. I pikir..siapakah pompuan ini...adakah dia glamer...or adakah dia calon drama queen terbaru cawagan Croydon ni? Tak pun...adakah dia anak luar nikah Michael Jackson?

Bila I baca news..maka barulah I teringat cerita bebudak sekolah yang perasan terror kat area ni...dengki-cemburu punya pasal...maka tak pasal-pasal mati free. Ni lah bahayanya area budak jahat ni...why? Pisau murah ke kat Croydon ni dik yang uols suka main tikam-tikam ni?

Kisahnya...mamat yang mati katak ni..namanya Shakilus Townsend. Gangsta wanabe lah ni...hah kau...masa dia mati tu, keluarlah tribute bahawasanya betapa dia ni anak yang sollehhhh githooo...tetiba pulak, terkeluar gambar dia pose-pose nak sembelih ayam kat Bebo...ghope-ghope nya kaki gangster jugak budak ni. Laa...umur 15/16 dah nak jadi gangster? Akak dulu kan dik..umur 15/16, bukan main takut lagi nak keluar memonteng sekolah..takut Bapak rotan.

Tu lah orang selalu kata..kalau kita setan, jodoh kita pun dengan setan jua...but kepada siapa pompuan muslimah yang tah nasib malang cemana boleh dapat laki yang macam setan, apa lah yang boleh saya kak oii...melainkan, marilah kita buat sembahyang hajat mintak laki setan kita tu copek mati..kan?

Pasangan muda remaja ni..baru je bercinta tak sampai sebulan dua...tapi sebenarnya..pompuan cilako ni ada boipren lain you. So bila boipren dia yang juga gangster dari area berdekatan dapat tahu, dia pun dump lah pompuan ni. So...pompuan ni sungguhlah sedey...dan kononnya sanggup buat apa saja untuk di ambik kembali oleh boipren gangster No.1 ni.

Sipompuan jahanam ni pun...startlah mengadu domba..menjadi unggun api between 2 jantan gangster wannabe ni. So jantan-jantan ni apa lagi...mulalah declare war githoo...bodohnya. Ye lah..pasal cakap satu pompuan..satu kampung pulak bergaduh kan?

So si pompuan ni...kononnya nak bawak lah boipren barunya si Shakilus ni jumpa sedara mara dia.Tu cerita coverina tu, yang betul nya, boipren No.1 sebenarnya nak balas dendam. Ni lagi satu bangang...terus naik angin main bunuh-bunuh, check lah dulu kan...patutnya.

Maka si Shakilus ni terus di kerjakan oleh gang-gang boipren No.1 ni...pengecut, sorang lawan 5 orang. Kena beduk, kena hempuk dengan bessbal bat and last-last...terus kena tikam!

Dengarnya, after kena tikam...si pompuan jahanam and boipren No.1 nya..as cool as cucumber githooo blah dari situ. And yang si kena tikam ni pulak..menjerit-jerit, masa ni lah dia ingat kat Mak dia...siap cakap..Mummy, mummy..I don't want to die.

After a day, he succumbed to his injuries....and mati. And today..si pompuan jahanam and 5 lagi gang-gang keparat boipren dia, sentenced to life in prison (eleh..cakap aje life...tak lama besok keluar lah tu)

I ada dapat message...cakap Makji..you ni asyik kutuk jantan aje..ada jugak jantan yang baik tawww...macam I ni...kata sipenghantar email ni lah. Okay lah..for you, nah kupersembah kan cerita pompuan puaka lagi jahanam. Nanti kalau ada lagi cerita pompuan jahanam dari area-area lain..I akan tulis lagi ye?

Tata.

Heal The World

Cerita Budak AS and pre ops transexual itu akan disyambung dilain hari ye...

I nak cerita hal semalam...first time in many,many moon...I decided to leave work early. I was in the middle of supervision with my Line Manager and another Social Worker (different department) and this woman (the Social Worker) janji nya nak meeting dalam 2 jam aje discussing this down syndrome guy and his sexcapade malam hari tu. Tup-tup..dah dekat nak 4.30pm..takde tanda-tanda dia nak berenti bercakap.

Dengan berani nya, I cakap dengan pompuan-pompuan tu, I'm sorry but I have to go by 5 o'clock. Selama-lama I kerja dengan local gov, selalunya I am in the earliest one in and latest one out. Dedikasi jahanam sungguh!!!

So bila they all agaknya terkujat lah jugak dengar yang I nak keluar opis cepat, teruslah wrap the meeting. And my Line Manager terus offer nak hantar I balik...katanya dia nampak muka I macam stress..nak rush githoo.

So, bila dalam kereta, she asked...what is the matter? Anything I can help with? You shouldn't really work after this, you look tired...cehhh...concern sungguh Manager I ni. I pun terpaksalah cakap kat dia apa kemusykilan I.

I have to rush home...kata I.

What up? Boss tanya.

Michael Jackson memorial service starts at 6... (Tu diahhhh....Michael Jackson lagi important occay?)

Disebabkan hujan sekejap renyai...sekejap tak renyai...lambat jugaklah I sampai rumah...masuk-masuk rumah, memorial service pun dah start...and according to MB2, Kak Yah Carey dengan Stevie Wonder tu dah habis nyanyi.

Tapi takpe....all in all I enjoyed the service. Sedih githoo. Far and between, ada jugak eulogy yang tak kena and sight-sight yang mengherankan...like

i) Tah sapa-sapa Reverend, Politician and Martin Luther King III punya speech. Dah le berpetir-petir...ada pulak masuk part-part kulit itam..how Michael this, Michael that...the black, the divide brok-brek-brok-brek...haiyo! Puak-puak itam ni selalu menuduh orang racist, tapi they yang dok ngulang-ngulang part-part hitam...even divided themself...sampaikan ada bulak Black History week lah...black music award lah...siapa yang divide siapa kan? The thing is that, they all portrayed Michael as a black activist, or even a proud black man...tapi tak ke diorang tu perasan yang Michael tu, punyalah taknak associate diri dia dengan unsur-unsur kehitaman...sampaikan apa aje anasir-anasir hitam kat badan and muka dia pun, dia tukar.

ii) Apasal anak-anak dia....tetiba bertukar kaler pulak? Bukanke mereka-mereka ittew berambut blonde dan bermata biru? Apasal? Kecik2 dah kena kaler rambut ke dik?

iii) Apasal yang nyanyi tu semua suara ala-ala puaka? Takde ke singer-singer yang pro nak nyanyi? Apasal?

It is a very nice service...kelas sangat keranda emas githoo.Nampak Brooke Shield nangis-nangis and lastly, anak pompuan dia pun nangis jugak. Tak macam yang dua tu...cam suka aje bapak dia mati...kemain lagi makan chewing gum!

Sebagai mengingati Michael Jackson, malam tadi I tidur bertemankan Ipod semua lagu Michael Jackson....sampailah pagi.

Hari ni tadi, I cakap dengan my patient yang suka ngisap dadah tu....that drugs can kill. Tak kisah lah..prescription drugs ke...illicit drugs ke..semua sama. Kalau disalah guna.

Speaking of prescription drugs ni, adalah sorang jantan mental ni, semalam cakap dengan I yang dia tak nak makan ubat lagi...katanya family nya kata...dia dah sihat, so takyah lah makan ubat lagi.

I must say, dilema kerja dengan patient/family mental health issue ni is the ignorance. Nak tegur..kang dia kata..kau apa tahu....bukannya badan kau. Or yang family pulak boleh cakap...apa you tahu, kami ni family, you hanya kerja dengan dia saja.

First of all....doctor tak akan bagi drugs kalau you tak perlu occay? Janganlah pandai-pandai nak add/reduce sesuka hati. It is always people thinking that..orang tiba-tiba jadi tak betul ni, badannya masuk setan. Ye lah..setan pun setan lah. Tapi makanlah ubat.

Kadang-kadang otak dengan badan tak communicate. Bila otak sihat, badan tak sihat,orang akan rasa dia sihat. Vice versa. Kadang-kadang badan tak reti nak rehat..so otak kena ajar badan rehat...pasal tu lah orang bagi you mind altering drugs. Ada sebabnya. So what if we have to depend on drugs? Kita pun kalau makan vitamin hari-hari, or ubat diet walaupun badan takdelah gemuk, takde lah pulak orang prejudice kan?

So, I cakap dengan jantan ni...you tahu tak you sakit apa? I had to explained to him...the scientific side of the job...kira pandailah I...considering aku ni bukan Doctor, Kiah oiii. Kesian jantan ni...I think family pressure kot..katanya makan ubat tu tak normal. I tanya dia...part mana yang you rasa you tak normal? Dia tak jawab....(tak tahu lah tu)

I tanya dia lagi..you tahu tak ubat apa yang you makan sekarang? Dia diam....(tak tahu lah tu...tahu nama...fungsi tatau)

So I pun cakap laa....ni, yang satu ni Anti Depressant. Terus dia jawab..I tak depressed!!! I told him...memang lah you tak depressed, but this is ANTI-Depressant. Maknanya..tak nak bagi you depressed lah...

Another few tablets pun with different antipsychotic function..pun ku kena explain satu persatu.

Pun tak paham jugakkkk....last-last kena cakap macam ni saja.

Encik....semua orang dalam dunia ni sakit. Tinggal teruk dan tidak aje. I sendiri pun pelupa...obsessive...and plenty of unexplained traits that relates to how my brain is functioning. But fortunately, I tak payah makan ubat. Tapi bila I ada masalah...I kena makan ubat jugak. Macam you. You kena makan ubat sampai you rasa, one day you can function without it.

Tapi..family saya kata makan ubat tak elok? I tanya dia...makbapak..abang kakak you..hisap rokok & minum tak? Iya katanya.I cakap...tu pun tak elok juga.

I cakap dengan dia...you pernah sakit teruk tak since you makan ubat? Dia kata tak pernah. So I tanya, apa baiknya you berhenti? Dia kata..family dia worried sick. I cakap..kalau your family yang worry, maybe they should go and see their doctor. They shouldn't worry about things they shouldn't worry.

Ye...moral dari kisah ni....benda yang tak perlu nak dirisaukan...janganlah nak menyeksa kepala otak ye? Ingat...bak kata orang pandai agama..yang jahat datang dari kita...dan yang baik, datang dari Nya. Insafffffffff terussssss saya.

And bak kata Michael Jackson....heal the world, make it a better place...for you and for and the entire human race...

Amin.

Mr Stella

A young man with Asperger Syndrome was referred to me last week.

I wish I am in the position to memilih-milih. See…betapa tak adilnya SoSIAL services kat sini…diorang boleh pilih I, but I cannot pilih they all. Cilaka sungguh.

But I have work with adult and children with AS before. Sometime, they can be very interesting…to see one with ability to be so blunt ngalahkan gergaji tumpul. When they bukak mulut..siaplah semua bisa-berbisa. Cemana orang panas baran cam I boleh tahan…tuhan aje lah yang tahu.

AS sufferer ni selalunya political correctness skills tu memang takde langsung lah…ye lah..kalau dah social skill pun takde, nak political correctness hapa nya? Ni bangsa..kalau lah orang melayu…kalau terserempak dengan Syanie…they will say…amboi Kakak size macam gajah..gajah pun tak besar camni…akak makan apa? Akak makan badak ke? (sorry ye Syanie)

Two days ago, I was interviewing for people to come and work for us. So I decided to invite this AS guy, ye lah..considering yang this people we are about to hire will be supporting him daily in his house.

I tengok nama candidate ni..STELLA. Her CV was very impressive..pernah kerja summer camp lak tu kat USA. I don’t know why I didn’t bother to look through the complete application form (malas ni sebenarnya) and usually sebelum I interview orang, I will call first, calling them for interview…but tah macam mana aku busy sungguh (main Farm Town) and suruh assistant I saja yang call. So what I did was…tunggu dia datang interview aje lah.

STELLA pun tiba pada hari yang dijanjikan…….

Mak kau STELLA……a man…with gothic make up…in a skirt!!!!!! Pre ops transsexual you all……..

Pitammmmmm…..(tu belum masuk pitam sekali lagi after AS punya questions…)

Bersyambung!!!!!

My Will

Sebab I sedang dalam process nak beli rumah, the bank require that I organise a will for myself. And because I bank with Barclays…I get this service for free…yeehaaaa!!!

So, my will came in the post yesterday. It was as I instructed…canggih ni, instruction via electronic form lak tu. All was okay, they only got my brother’s name wrong. But that is not what reasoned this post.

In my will and testament, I have asked for a body repatriation and a complete muslim burial when I die. And to see all that in writing, sungguhlah menyejukkan tulang belakang.

One thing that I always hope for is that…kalaulah satu hari nak jalan, although perjalanan yang macam ni, tak tahu apa akhirnya…entah-entah lepas rulis ni..tetiba cardiac arrest cam si MJ…sesianya mati kat opis!!! Oopss..kalaulah satu hari I nak jalan..mintak-mintaklah jalan masa dekat-dekat dengan sedara-mara. Senang…hari ni jalan, hari ni jugak tanam. Takyah nak naik kapal terbang, masuk cargo..cargo clearance what not,what not.

One of my senior in MRSM, died in car crash in Wales, together with her twin brother. I remember the look on her parents face when they were receiving her…not to mentioned the postcard that came few days after.I wish that my parents will not have to be in that situation.Seriously.

Bila dah dapat will tu, teringatlah kat diri sendiri yang berdoso godang. After my PBB conference kat Paris…I decided to confront my confusion, well I thought..I played a part jugaklah buat orang terasa hati and being me, I suka cari kesimpulan I sendiri…walaupun prior to that belopuk-lopak lah gak mengumpek kan?

Kalaulah tak kerna ada orang kecik ati dengan I, tak hingin jugaklah nak menyebok.

Sometimes when I am in my consulting room, kebanyakan masalah jiwaraga orang semuanya self-inflicted. Ada orang cepat naik angin, ada orang cepat sensitip…ada orang macam tahu semua (ini adalah saya) and ada orang macam-macam pe’el nya.

Ada orang pulak..tak tahu mana datang..tiba-tiba terus muncul and menjadi bulletin utama.Macam Kiah. Kalau lah kau dok aje diam-diam kat tempat banyak monyet tu kan bagus?

I always believe that if you talk about a problem or a person over and over again, there is something in your mind about them that still linger. I then realised, I was discussing this person a lot. I told my colleague…I keep writing what I thought of this person down until I finally see that the reason I was worried/troubled/unsettled is that I was being misunderstood. Fact is..nobody…dongar yo…nobody likes to be misunderstood..hatta dengan lombu topi jalan sekali pun. (I remember maso I kocik-kocik, I kona koja lombu..that I really think was after my brother yang berkepak merah …he was wearing t-shirt superman yang ado kopak kat belakang tu…tak pasal-pasal, aku lak yang kena)

As I get older, it is important for me to express myself as clear as I can….walaupun orang kata ni cakap direct. Cik..cakap kenalah direct…takkan nak berjual beli pantun lak..ingat apa..ni Pesta Pantun Sekolah Sekolah Malaysia tahun 1990 ke? I was a quiet child when I was little and for that I was bullied. So now, when something feels amiss, I feel the need to speak up.

Inadvertently, I have upset this person…not that I care, but it is my responsibility to tell them that, you have upset yourself by misunderstanding me…so it is up to you to clear your own head. I am still what I am.

However, I applaud those who vent their anger to release the frustration…you have got to find away to release that bad energy.It is better that than playing victim. Don’t misunderstood venting anger as dispensing maki hamun ye…tak baik. Tapikan..kalau orang tak mendengar kata..memang nak merasa sangat kena hamun kan?

All in all, I am glad I have cleared my air….tapi mana yang masih dalam list musuh ketat tu…dok lah kau kat situ diam-diam.

Tarrraaa people.