About Me

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Miracles

Now that we have a closure...well just, adalah sikit mood nak menulis.

This life is full of magic. Allah can give whatever. Tetiba nanti, the aircraft will turn up. Tak pun...all the people turn up in a different flight.

We always want and hoping for miracle. I have had miracles happened to me in the past. I thought I was happy. Orang yang I chenta-chenta sejak dari I muda remaj, tetiba menjelma professing undying love gitu.

Sometimes what it is, is a prompt of closure. Sudah sudah lah mengharap. Kalau tak kita, orang lain yang gila. Well, gila is not appropriate. Hati dan kepala orang, isi nya hanya orang tu yang tahu.

Kenapa dia membuat perangai macam syaiton, hanya dia yang tahu.

I have sit in a counselling room long enough to know that...the sentence 'I don't know why I did it' is just an excuse. Seriously, an excuse.

You know exactly why you did it. Whether you nak own up ke tidak is a different story.

The mangsa bully will continue to be a mangsa bully for few reasons. People always say...only you can make how others feels about you. If you have been ill treated long, it is because you allows it.

This i so true. You can takut to the max to the pembuli. You takut kena terajang, you takut kena ugut bunuh..macam-macam. The pembuli knows your weakness. That is why they succeed.

Ada juga mangsa bully sukarela. Macam I...and few people I know. Other people is as complex as us. We don't know what we want half of the time. Some people just don't know how to change.....because they don't see why they have to and most probably, they just don't want to try.

Some years ago, someone I know mati kena bunuh. Huiyoo. I asked my MH Crew mate (she is one of the missing crew) to cilok one newspaper for me. Muka depan, kluaq gambar Mamat ni. Knowing him I know he must have done something awful (menepati reputation nya) to received a fate like that.

Then there's a picture of his grieving wife yang saluruh kelompok kengkawan nya tahu, that they marriage is still a mariage because of her perseverance. Nak harapkan jantan tu...isk isk.

She must have hoped for miracle for him to change. But the miracle that she got was...the inevitable. She is now happily married.

I was ever in love with two person in my life. The amount of time I invested to get noticed, to get affection and tah hapa-hapa benda lagi..makkkk aiii. I was hanging on to some nice things about them. When hundreds has pointed out betapa cinabeng nya ..betapa lahanat nya perangai nya dia...but there's one small gesture dia pernah buat kat I, tu lah yang I dok puja-puja. I continued to find my faults....

Only to realised that...if I had not taken my relationships for granted i.e. bagi malaun-malaun tu pijak kepala I, then I will not feel as hampeh as now.

For those still in a marriage, with extra luggage...perhaps it is so crucial to hang on to normality. Like, kalau laki you tu secara luaran nya adalah Brad Pitt yang sokmo menolong AJ menjaga anak dan juga adalah ghopa sikit, maka to come out of what others see as perfect marriage akan mengundang kutukan lah kann.

I am not going to encourage a break up. I stayed in my relationship until orang dah tak nak kat I. I know why the need to try. I have faults too.

Yes, for some people...I can only wish a miracle to come to them. Tengok lah diri sendiri. How good were we in our own relationship?

Are we just in it as a roommate or house mate? Do we know each other well enough? Siamang only noticed me towards the end of his life. Unbeknown to me (ye lahh...dia bukan nak tunjuk perasaan nya) he noticed every little things I do...and in his goodbye letters, he apologised for not giving me what I deserved.

Apology is easy. Especially bila ko dah nak mati kannn? To those who still hoping for miracles, keep trying. It is really sad being alone, tak berkawan..tak reti nak bercakap dgn orang etc. But that's the choice some people made.

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Update




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Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Berdiam.....Is Not An Option For The Idiots

Seriously, I memang tak ada apa benda yang nak dikongsi.

Nak mengumpat patient kang...little that I know makpak nya terdiscover blog I. Dah le identity rahsia I nak terbongkar kann? Satgi misti kena keluar rumah pakai niqab.

Okay. Since the last time I was on air (pigidahhh mabuk) we have seen and heard macam-macam issue. Issue retis kawan dgn laki orang pastu demand bini orang tu mintak mahap...issue sorang menteri ni pulak...yang takde langsung PR..and of course now, as we all know, aircraft yang ghaib dgn tetiba nya.

Sebagai bekas pelayan tempat tertinggi tu...memang kita sebagai anak kapal tahu akan risk nya. We took oath okayyy. Keselamatan penumpang adalah nombor satu.

I do not want to comment about those cerita2 murah pasal pilot dan FO. Biasalah...kerja memana pun...kalau ada power lebih sikit, kaki kenkadang tak jejak bumi. Passenger ni kenkadang kalau tak dilayan, kita dikomplen nya...(kan Piah?) Tapi bila dah dibagi layanan baekkkk...bila dah jadik camni...boleh jugak benda2 tak ikut buku yang kita buat boleh digunakan against kita balik.

Alaa..katalah ko LS kann..ko salah guna kuasa sikit lah bagi kacang dua beban kat passenger yang ko rasa hensem ni. Masa dia ambik kacang tu, mulut manis. Tetiba terkeluar muka ko kat sokabar dgn caption, Ketua Pramugari amalkan favouritism bagi kacang lebih kat passenger kacak. Tak ke ko rasa nak ludah je mamat tu?

I pernah jugak fly dgn sorang dua crew yang ghaib ni. Hari-hari I skodeng FB diorang. Macam2 kata-kata semangat org bagi. I skodeng jugak FB kengkawan yg masih fly dan yang dah resign..semuanya sedih, sepilu pilunya ngenang kan kengkawan, rakan seperjuangan yang sama mencari makan..sama gi membuat jahanam..(hiks) ko teringat kengkawan yang sentiasa available untuk teman kau pi carik makan...dan meng offer ko tido bilik nya kalau ko takut tidur sensorang.

We are family gituuuu.

But today's posting is not about the missing aircraft. Well...sikit lah. Since aircraft tu hilang, I ni selang seminit tgk news. News TV, news FB.

Hari ni...adalah hari yang sangat menyakitkan hati jugak lah.

Bila kita tgh desperate, kenkadang orang kata...meh la jumpa bomoh...manalah tahu...tawakal etc etc. Sebagai orang melayu, toksah lah nak membongak kata tak pernah ada intervention tok moh ni. Cuma kita tidaklah publicise urusan kita dgn tok moh tu sebesar-besar nya.

Tapi bila ada tok bomoh yang datang dgn ritual yang pada kita tak terjangkau dek akal, adakah bijak untuk kita menggelakkan diorang?

I remember when I was little, ada cerita pasal pompuan lumpuh ni...hari-hari lakinya angkut dia pi tepi pantai and what he has to do is to lumurkan pasir laut tu kat kaki bininya. He said..he dah tebalkan muka dan pekakkan telinga orang kata dia macam2...dan dgn izin Allah, maka bininya pun boleh berjalan lah.

Ikhtiar nama nya. Kalau bapak kita dalam flight tu...dan ada pulak Tok Moh cakap kat kita, cuba ko makan pasir 3 hari, 3 malam...tak ke demi nak tengok balik muka Abah dan mintak mahap, ko akan buat apa Tok Moh tu cakap?

Ramai nya puak2 yang mengondem gomen, mengondem pihak2 berwajib..mak aiii...yang bercakap tu pulak, don't have to ask them about their kepakaran lah kann...ada yang naik kapal terbang pun tunggu seat murah AA, lagi mau komplen macam dia tu pegawai DCA.

Kecepatan mulut kita nak bercakap benda yang tak sedap didengar tanpa study pun adalah gigih jua. I memang lah nak suruh orang2 tertentu makan cili. Nak nak orang Malaya yang dok oversea kannn? Tak payahlah dgn rakus nya nak buruk kan Malaysia. Ko ada ke pernah bersaing dgn orang putih nak dapat kedudukan bagus dlm office? Err, what do you do? Yang banyak mulut mengondem ni kenkadang adalah buruh2 kasar aje..takpun...set-set hidup atas ihsan laki.

Sorry lah. I pernah nampak Mamat ni tulis..well, what you expect..Malaysia kann? Semua backwards...bila org komplen pasal lambatnya kita respond  pasal oil slick kat Vietnam tu. Takdelah pulak dia nak check fakta yang...ko hengat kita senang2 ke nak masuk area laut Vietnam tu?! But ofkos la...tujuan mamat ni membuat statement berbunyi bongkak gitu so that dia sesame Mat salleh2 tu boleh lah mengondem Malaysia kannn?

You dah pernah kerja dgn Mat Salleh kah? U think they are good that you must jilat their bontot just to look good as well? Podah lah.

Then ada pulak yang kata...all this publicity about ritual bomoh tu memalukan dan menunjukkan mundur nya Malaya ni. Siap buat statement SHAME ON YOU. Shame on you Malaya kah? You want to tell us you tak pernah jumpa bomoh? Just because you have Mat Salleh to back you up...tetiba pulak you nak kata element jumpa bomoh tu mundur. Podah!

Well, apa yang nak dimalukan? Kadang2 mmg tak masuk akal pun. I remember when I pergi berubat...the tukang ubat pesan jgn lalu bawah ampaian. Mulut I yang bangsat ni nak je tanya..pehal pulak...but you know, bila kita ni takde kudrat, kita diam je lah kan?

You be surprise on how quick orang kita ni nak jatuhkan bangsanya sendiri, nak kutuk system Negara nya sendiri. True...we are not perfect but untuk memajukan, bukan ke patut ada criticism yang membina?

To all these perfect citizen yang dok kata kita mundur lah...bodoh lah..perut keras dek banyak nya gelak lah...well, pandang diri sendiri dulu boleh tak?

Kalau lah kita ni mengamalkan cara hidup Islamic teramat...mungkin bolehlah kot nak bagi nasihat.

Tapi kalau diri sendiri pun dok advertise hidup menongkah arus....maka, simpanlah opinion dan joke you tu dalam perut you.

***Err, kenapa boleh buat komen, apasal tak buat benda2 tahyul ni diam2..and not attracting cheap publicity? (Katanya...) But, yang you advertise you ber parti ponggal dan gayahidup tak serupa orang tu terang-terangan, okay pulak ye?***

Once upon a time..my mother has asked a bomoh to do something...to cure my late brother's illness. That time (sebab I lah yang dihantar pi jumpa this Tok Moh) I rasa mmg tak masuk akal. But I went and asked anyway. This is my point exactly. A point of desperation. I think now..kalaulah ada yang nak kata bomoh2 tu bodoh dan mundur, layak datang dari mulut next of kin mangsa tu.

We are not in their shoes. We are not the aviation expert...and we are certainly tak pernah disuruh mencari kapalterbang hilang.

Berdiam itu...adalah lebih baik. (Well...I pun patut diam...but ni dah geram lah ni)